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Cm Jokes

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There was once a man with a very long penis,

it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery.
Several days later the guy has done his surgery and now is recovering in the hospital.
So he asks his doctor how did he cut it
The doctor answers “i cut 170 cm and...

What is the difference between 6 cm and 6 inches ?





Go ask your mom

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A black man from the USA, 200 cm tall, enters a coffee shop in Ukraine.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. An Ukrainian, 210 cm tall, enters the tavern, sits across the American and orders vodka.

The American, wanting to look superior, takes his whiskey and drinks it all at once.

So then the Ukrainian wanted to show that he can do it too, so he takes his v...

What extends flexibly from the hips, is 71 cm long in men, and has the letters P, E, N, I, and S?

A spine

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God blessed me with a 20 cm long penis when I was 14 yrs old.

Then they arrested the priest.

The good king

There was once a king whose height was 15 cm. He wasn’t a great leader but he was a good ruler.

A British General and his Men

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office.

“Since we weren’t actuall...

A man getting coffee sees a weird funeral ...

He sees a funeral with two caskets, about 20 feet back is a man with a pit bull, and then 20 more feet back a line of about 100 men.

The guy getting coffee was curious and walked up to the man with the pit bull and said,”I’m sorry to bother but who is in the first casket?”

the...

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A black man and an ukrainan walk into a bar

A black man and a ukrainian walk into a bar in Moscow

They look at eachother for a while and then the black goes first:

Give me a shot of vodka! -he says to the bartender (he gets it and drinks it)

The ukrainian looks at him and orders a shot of whiskey (he gets it and drinks...

Russian emergency !

Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within t...

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

Why can't most women park a car?

Because they have been lied to all their lives about how large 20 cm is.

A physics teacher writes a question on a board

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"



A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:



"In a foste...

Why is Newton the most alcoholic scientist ?

Because there are 10 N/cm² in a bar.

What is American football called in other countries?

30.48 cm ball

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A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop says: "You were going 55 mph in a 30 zone"

The man says: "Sorry sir, but i'm late for work."

Cop asks: "What kind of work do you do?"

Man replies: "I work in a penis enlargment factory."

Cop asks: "Really? How does that work?"

Man: You just stretch out a c...

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Little Johnny wants to move up to fifth grade

A teacher was having a problem with Johnny in third grade. He said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 5, if not Grade 6. My sister is in Grade 4, I'm doing all her homework and I know stuff that she hasn't even learned."

The teacher had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. Little Johnny...

Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite

Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse

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Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

The distance between heaven and hell...

New research shows that the distance between heaven and hell is closer than we previous thought.

It only takes 3 cm in the wrong direction for a woman to go "Oh my God!" to "WHAT THE HELL!"

First they came for the paragraphs. Then they came for the sentences. Then they came for the vowels.

nd thn thy cm fr m

A farmer ask his neighbor:

A farmer ask his neighbor: Do you have way to identify cows? I have two and i want to know which is which.

The neighbor, thinks:
Umm, you can cut the edge of the ear of only one of them.

The next week,
Farmer: I've tried your idea but the other cow got too close to the sharpe fi...

A discussion me and my wife just had

*Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*

Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!


Wife:*sigh*.. I know..

An old woman is visiting the doctor

"Where exactly in the body is the heart?" she asks.

"About 2 cm under the nipples." the doctor answers.

Headline of the newspaper on the next day:

"Woman tried to commit suicide. Shot herself in the knee instead."

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.

This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

Room #39

A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss.

-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.

Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black ...

Two Men were out fishing...

... when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 25cm long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the othe...

A farmer had 2 horses, and he wanted a way to know which is which. So he goes to the smartest man in the village.

Smart Man: "measure them by their height. That's how you'll know the difference."

So the farmer measures their height and to his surprise, they are both the exact same height. Not 1 cm more or less. So he goes back to the smart man.

Smart Man: "measure them by their weight. That's how ...

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An eighteen year old finally decides to throw out his toys.

Andrew was never fond of most of the toys in his collection. He was a professional gamer and had no time for real world items. One day, he decided that he needed to clear out his room and found all his old toys. Without a moment's notice, he placed the whole bag in the garbage bin outside his house....

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