Demetri Martin Jokes - 9 Hilarious Demetri Martin Jokes

Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing

unless you're at a funeral

[Demetri martin]

upvote

downvote

report

[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver

if he's persuasive.

"Go left."

-"Dude those are trees."

"trust me."

upvote

downvote

report

If I ever saw an amputee being hanged,

I'd just yell out letters.

- Demetri Martin

upvote

downvote

report

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall....

“I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say ‘Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.’”

— Demetri Martin

upvote

downvote

report

Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged.

I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.

(H/T Demetri Martin)

upvote

downvote

report

I’m a man of my word

And that word is “unreliable”

-Demetri Martin

upvote

downvote

report

My friend asked me to put him into one of my jokes

i said "Sure how about this one?"

[credit to Demetri Martin]

upvote

downvote

report

What did the sign for the strip club say during the day?

Sorry, we're clothed

Taken from Demetri Martin

upvote

downvote

report

A guy waved at me and ran over the other day...

He said "oh sorry I thought you were someone else!"

I said, "I am"

-Demetri Martin

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.