UPJOKE
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On the first day, God created the dog...

God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”


The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?"


So God agreed.
<...

Police are asking for help in solving a recent string of burglaries. The perpetrator, apparently suffering from IBS, does #2 on the kitchen floor before escaping.

So far they have no firm leads.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once shared a bed with a narcoleptic that had IBS.

She was a shit sleeper.

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What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

Why couldn't the A level student date the IB student?

Because a + ib is complex.

(It's a math joke.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get my IBS from my dad...

...Sometimes I wish he would keep his shit to himself.

Police suspect that a recent string of burglaries have been committed by a person obviously suffering from severe IBS. The culprit has left their "calling card" at each house they've broken into.

Unfortunately, the police have no firm leads.

When I married an investor with IBS...

I had no idea he was going to spend all his time liquidating his assets.

The stock market is like a guy with IBS

All it takes is one fart to ruin the day.

Did you hear about the guy with IBS?

Runs in his genes!

Having IBS is like having a suspicious wife

If it shows up on a date with your girlfriend, all hell breaks loose.

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If I don't get my IBS and anger issues figured out...

I'm going to lose my shit.

Di d y ou k n o w

tha t it’ s po s s ib l e to wri t e on t he phon e wit h you r p e ni s?
Th e on ly is su e is bal ls pre ssin g sp a c e a ll th e ti me

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My wife came home from the doctor

Not really a joke. It's a real life story that happened to me. My wife came home from the doctor and said. The doctor discovered my illness - I've got IBS. I told my wife, I know, you've had that almost the entire time I've know you. She said You don't even know what IBS is.

I said yes...

Worst Dad Joke of the Day?

You know what IBS is, right? Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I've got is worse, IWS, Irritable Wife Syndrome. And that kids is why Dad is sleeping on the couch tonight.

My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie....

IBS.

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Stuttering Problem

A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem.

The doctor says, "It appears that your penis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing the stutter."

"D-d-d-oct-t-tor. Wh-ha-a-at c-c-can I d-d-do?"

The doctor tells him that he m...

Which 3 letters in the alphabet are the smelliest?

IBS.

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What does an 80-year old's vagina taste like?

Depends.

So I was brushing up on Egyptian history the other day...

and I was reading about King Tut. Apparently he suffered from IBS, which caused him to pass the most ungodly smelling gas (reminiscent of rotting animal carcasses seasoned with rotted potatoes). Due to this, it was hard to find servants willing to happily serve him, but one day, Tut's parents encoun...

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