UPJOKE
richardhawkshawpeckerprickputzshafttoolgumshoememberphallusfilthobscenitycolloquialismdetectiveinvestigator

Dicks Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a joke and three dicks?

Your mom can’t take a joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is finding out that your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks before they were married a big deal?

Or is my wife just overreacting?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what women say to guys with big dicks?

Me neither

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do women say to men with big dicks?

Had a feeling you would have to check the answer small Weiner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife dreamed that she was attending a dick auction

Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "They gave those away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You’re in a room with a hundred dicks. How many do you choke on?

“None.”

“Wow, you’re that good?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't Russian girls like small dicks?

They can't tell if it is Putin or not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do dogs lick their dicks?

Because they can't make a fist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple are in bed one morning.

"I had a really good dream last night,” says the wife. “I dreamt that I was at a penis auction. Long dicks were going for $100 each and thick dicks were going for $200.”

“Really?” says the husband. “What would mine have fetched?”

“They were giving dicks like yours...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call 10 dicks?

Dix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you met the guy with 5 dicks?

His underwear fits like a glove.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does my thai girlfriend have a dick

Something inside me is telling me yes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Desert Island Dicks

A man who has been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he’s had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. Bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys with big dicks can talk to women. Guys with small dicks will speak to each other. What about guys with medium dicks?

They can talk to ghosts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys are all dicks!

Thanks for coming to my ted-talk, Ladies and Genitals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made $60.25 sucking dicks last night

Dude 2: lol, who gave you the quarter?

Dude 1 : they all did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

5 Dicks!?

This guy goes to his doctor for a full physical.. He takes his pants off and the doctor notices he has 5 dicks, the doc yells "holy shit! you have 5 dicks! that's incredible! how do your pants fit!?" and the dude says "like a glove."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jewish girls love circumcised dicks?

They love anything 10% off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said she wanted to try using condoms with something special in them to enhance her pleasure.

I was all for it, until the "something special" turned out to be other guy's dicks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with two dicks?

Ambidextrous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I won a dick measuring competition.

I measured more dicks than everyone!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex positions for tiny dicks

Fuck, this isn't google. **How do I get this off of here?**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate people with huge dicks

They’re always shoving it down my throat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve helped make men’s dicks hard.

No, I’m not hot, I just donate a lot of blood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a hotel for people with small dicks

The bear-lee inn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do ants have dicks?

No.

Cuz then they would be uncles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s Moby Dicks dad’s name?

Papa boner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voodoo dick

So a older gentleman had fallen in love with a very attractive young woman (maybe around 21 or 22) she was a very sexually active woman and he was always able to please. One day his job called him out on a business trip and he’s be gone for atleast a week. The young woman promised to be faithful but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Norm MacDonald died today

When he got to heaven, the angels told him it was mandatory that he take an eye exam to enter. And they all watched.

He read it out loud: “E-I-E-I-Ohhh you guys are DICKS!”

RIP Norm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jokes about uncircumcised dicks...

They just don't cut it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know the difference between life and dicks?

Life is always hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two pilots

Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit while a stewardess enters. She asks if they want coffee or tea, but both pilots ignore her.

She then asks "what's the difference between a cockpit and a condom?" The captain looks over his shoulder, not saying anything. She continues: "A cockpit contains ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which group of white people has the biggest dicks?

Hungarians

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We're told men with large feet have large dicks and men with big cars have small dicks

You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dicks only 3 inches......

But smells like a foot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dicks

I walked past a K9 police unit ghe other day and said to my girlfriend: Look, this doggy is walking around with two dicks.






To my credit, both policemen checked under the doggo before attempting to chase me.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.