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Dwayne Johnson Jokes

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...
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When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?
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If I spank Dwayne Johnson...

does that mean I hit Rock bottom?
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[NSFW] What would you call Dwayne Johnsons boyfriend?

Rock bottom.
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I was once cornered by Dwayne Johnson in front of a Hallmark store.

I was caught between a Rock and a card place.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

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I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

What do Irish people call a Dwayne Johnson impersonator?

A Sham-Rock
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[OC] i just realized Dwayne Johnson was living above my appartment.

i was living under The Rock for a very long time.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a gay-porno starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?

"*Rock Beats Scissors*"

How do you beat Dwayne Johnson in a fight?

Throw paper at him
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What's the difference between a geologist and Dwayne Johnson conducting an experiment?

One is a rock scientist. The other is The Rock, scientist.



(This is so dumb. I apologize in advance to anyone who reads this.)
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Dwayne Johnson wants to move to a peninsula south of Spain.

He wants to be the Rock of Gibraltar.
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Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun?

They say it's rock and roll.
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Dwayne Johnson has a new book coming out.

It's about drive, it's about power.
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NEWSFLASH: Dwayne Johnson to purchase Fiskars!

Yep: Rock Pays for Scissors
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Dwayne Johnson and his family all contracted COVID..

They figured it out when they couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
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You know, the saddest thing about Dwayne Johnson's success as a movie actor is how he's completely forgotten his brothers who got him there.

Paper and Scissors.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson’s butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson is doing a battle scene for a movie...

When suddenly the villain he is fighting kicks him in the butt.

Dwayne shocked, responds "you've just hit rock's bottom"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I followed Dwayne Johnson for an hour and when he wasn't looking I slapped his arse. He turned around and punched me in the face.

That's what happens when you hit rock bottom.

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision...

Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.
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Dwayne Johnson opened a restaurant and was the head chef.

He was making stew one day and asked his assistant for help. He said "Can you move the pot back and forth so the aroma of the stew will waft out of the pot easier?" The assistant looked puzzled and Dwayne Johnson rephrased the question.

"Can you rock what the cook is smelling?"
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.
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My friend wants to study Dwayne Johnson’s biography and his ancestors....

Is he studying geneaology or geology?
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What happens when you are hugging Dwayne Johnson and a pig?

You’re stuck between The Rock and a lard place.
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Why is Dwayne Johnson the bravest man alive?

Because he's Boulder than all the rest!
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What do you get when you cross Vince Offer and Dwayne Johnson?

A ShamRock
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I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome

It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.
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Make no mistake, Ellen DeGeneres could never take down Dwayne Johnson...

The Rock always beats scissors.
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Introducing Dwayne Johnson’s latest rival, The Hard Place!

Don’t get between them.
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Who's the one person Medusa cannot turn to stone?

Dwayne Johnson
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if you decide to slap a random black guys ass and it turns out to be Dwayne Johnson..

..you've really hit rock bottom

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of...

Classic Rock?
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Dwayne Johnson has said that he would run for President...

As long as he isn't up against paper, then he should win.
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What’s the difference between a bunch of bugs and Dwayne Johnson’s personal trainers?

One is a group of cockroaches, the other’s a bunch of Rock coaches

I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie...

I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place
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John was excited to move into his new condo which was exactly below Dwayne Johnson's apartment. But soon he became ignorant & oblivious to things happening around him. Why?

Because John was living under The Rock.
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It was probably my worst moment of judgement, feeling over confident and giving Dwayne Johnson a big ol’ smack on his ass.

I hit Rock bottom.

A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang ‘Take On Me’.

I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha’s place.
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I once had a selfie with Dwayne Johnson at the Alcatraz Island (during an SF City Tour)...

Now I know what it feels to be stucked between The Rock and A Hard Place...
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I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'.

I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock.
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To the jerk that threw the rock through my window:

You must *really* hate Dwayne Johnson.

Celebrity Murder

Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.

An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he ...
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I'm a terrible speller

I hung up a sign outside my bar to let people know there was live music, but everyone thought I was trying to keep out Dwayne Johnson.
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I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...
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What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'?

Having a threesome with Dwayne Johnson
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