What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

How did the rock climber lose his friend?

He cut ties with him.

Why did the mountain climber drive into the tree?

Because it was there.

What’s an Everest climber’s favorite song?

...let the bodies hit the floor.

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?

\- Peak Aboo.

And which one gives them a flu?

\- Peak Achoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a young climber named Ed...

There was a young climber named Ed

No mountain could fill him with dread

Then he met a big fatty

named Pumpkin-Ass Patty

And he said, "I'll do Everest instead".

What did the the mountain climber say to the mountain?

I'm sick of your altitude, mister!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy climbs Everest...

At the middle a very sexy blonde stops him and asks:

-Do you want me or to succeed?

The ambitious climber replied:
-Succeed, succeed.

And continued to climb.

Only 100 m to the peak of the mountain, a gorgeous looking brunette stops him and asks:

-Do you want me ...

What did one insomniac mountain climber say to the other?

"Bro, do you everest?"

A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch. "Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up the...

What do you call a Mormon climber?

A Ladder Day Saint.

Teacher asks derp

Teacher: Derp, you are in a forest and a bear is getting close to you, what do you do?

Derp: I run.

Teacher: The bear is also running.

Derp: I run faster.

Teacher: The bear is also running faster, you can't outrun it.

Derp: I... climb in a tree!

Teacher: The...

Father: "Son, you shall follow in my footsteps of escorting climbers up Mt Everest."

Son: "Sher pa."

Why are most mountain climbers hippies?

Because scalars have no direction

(OC, as far as I know)

Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.

he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.

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What is Yoda's last name?

"Lay Hee Whooo!"

Guys, I'm so sorry for posting this but my wife turned to me and asked this in all seriousness, then laughed her ass off when she told me the punchline. She's super proud of her terrible joke, and no I don't think Yoda is a Swiss mountain climber, I'm actually just really hap...

A man goes on a trip to a mountain

When he arrives he sees the largest mountain he ever saw and decides so climb it. He goes, and goes, and goes.

Eventually he finds himself at the top of the mountain and sees the house of a wise man that lived isolated from society to meditate.

The wise man when sees the climber said...

I'M NO MOUNTAIN CLIMBER

I just finished this book on climbing Mt. Everest. Now I'm no mountain climber, but I smoke and I live on the third floor, so I can kind of relate. Everest is a lot like laundry day.

What did the mountain climber name his horse?

Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.

Made in Thailand

Have you heard of the mountain climber from Bangkok?

He became famous as the Thai of the Eiger.

~

Who won the election for mayor of Bangkok?

It was a Thai.

Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours....

Physics Joke

A mountain climber goes out drinking with his friends.
He starts complaining "My wife called me annoying last night! She compared me to a mosquito." His buddy responded. "You know what they say. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

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What's the difference between a golfer and a climber?

A golfer goes whack......shit. A climber goes shit.......whack.

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ


Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ladder to success

A man is walking down the street and he comes across a ladder that reaches all the way up to the clouds. On the ladder there is a note that only says "Ladder To Success". He stares at it in bewilderment but decides to give it a shot. After climbing for hours he finally reaches the clouds. A morbidly...

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