What did the Mountaineer name his son?

Cliff

Why are mountains so good at listening?

Because of all the Mountaineers!

What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!

Two mountaineers pass a crevasse during a mountain tour

One climber says to the other: "My travel guide fell into this crevasse last year."
The other mountaineer says: "And didn't that really take you away?"
The mountaineer replies: "No, he was already very old anyway, and besides, some pages were missing!"

Why was it awkward to talk to the mountaineer?

He liked to tell everyone when he was climb-axing.

An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...

were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, whe...

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?

Nothing -
you can't cross a vector with a scalar.

How do mountains hear?

with mountaineers (mountain ears)

A nervous mountaineer looks at the steep mountain...

Which his guide had proposed to climb.

- Do people tumble down often here?

- No, the guide said, one time is usually enough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hans has a small Dick

(Long)

Hans lived in a small town and has a small dick. Everyone knew about it, the girls snickered behind his back, the guys used to tease him endlessly. He tried all the remedies to make his dick big and failed.

Dejected, he visited his local night club one day and saw his friend Pet...

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