UPJOKE
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Descended Jokes

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

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One day a man decides to join the US Marine corps.

During training, he just can't keep up, so the sergeant tells him to go home and wait until he's called upon as a reserve.

35 years go by and the man is still not called into action, so he decides to retire.

Out fishing one day, enjoying his retirement, a car flys past him out of contr...

What was the philosopher's last thought before he descended into quicksand?

I sink therefore I am.

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A young man volunteered for the military during WW2.

He had such a high aptitude
for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his fi...

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from L...

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A joke written by the AI, ChatGPT

The sky above the port was the color of a moldy jellyfish, a sickly green that made everyone below feel nauseous. But a group of rebellious clowns, led by the hapless hero Isaac Newton, had a plan to bring some joy to the dreary sky. Using a circus tent and a lot of helium, they intended to lift the...

A Canadian couple made province-shaped cookies

A baker in Canada thought it would be fun to bake cookies that were each in the shapes of Canada's provinces and territories.

"These look delicious," said her husband.

"Thanks!" she said. "And don't worry, I've made some of each shape so you're able to eat them."

"What do you me...

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A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset

A young couple held hands and walked along a beach a sunset. At dusk, a craft descended from the heavens and hovered in place thirty feet above their heads. Suddenly, they found themselves transported to the interior of the craft where two beings stood in front of them.

They had the app...

Aliens visit earth

People were found by extraterrestrials. Aliens descended from the skies on the earth surface. Humanity wondered who should they sent to talk to the aliens. Top scientists from around the world agreed to send prominent biologist and well-known religion critique Richard Dawkins. He approached the spac...

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

"Hello. Is this the Sheriff's office?"

Floyd: "Hello. Is this the Sheriff's office?"

Sheriff: "Yes."

Floyd: "I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana in his firewood! I don't know how he gets in in the logs, but he's hiding it!"

Sheriff: "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
...

A plane was traveling across the Atlantic...

...when there was an explosion from one of the engines.

Pilot: "I'm afraid we're all gonna crash and die because it's just too heavy to keep it in the air."

Despite throwing all unnecessary items from the plane, it still descended rapidly.

Suddenly, a Frenchman stood up and shou...

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

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Two young brothers were up in their room...

They were three and five years old, and had just decided that they wanted to say a swear word for the first time that morning.  The older brother hatched out a plan, "When we walk downstairs, I'll say the word 'hell' in a sentence, and you say the word 'ass'."  Once the giggling and excitement waned...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friendly joke from us in Australia

We were walking past the local community centre in our town when we saw a window licker, or 'mong' if you will.

Fucking funniest thing we ever saw.

"Fucktard", shouted one of my mates. We all laughed.

"Bed soiler", shouted Jack, the joker of the pack. We laughed even harder.
...

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