My new year’s resolution is I’m gonna be less condescending.

(Condescending means talking down to people btw )

How to sound condescending?

Just scream, "I robbed a bank" while jumping from a helicopter.

Somebody called me condescending the other day...

It means that you talk down to people.

I'm trying to work on being less condescending.

(Condescending means treating people like they have less intelligence than yourself)

The first rule of Condescending Club

is really rather complex and I doubt you would understand it even if I explained it to you with diagrams.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?

A condescending con descending

My grandpa has been condescending Dave and Ray Davies since the 60s...

I guess he’s really into Kink shaming.

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

My wife didn’t like my joke about a prisoner with dwarfism falling out of a window...

...she said it was a little condescending.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?

In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks...

Listen, the last thing I want to do here is be condescending

That means "to talk down to"

*(Credit: Bob Newhart)*

I'm always shocked when people call me condescending.

Because that's a very big word.

Cop: I’m going to write you a ticket. If you stop acting so condescending, I’ll let you off with a warning.

Me: Don’t you mean condescendingly?

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



A few other excellent puns:

He wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then he changed his mind.

Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? - Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.

A ...

I went to the store and got what I thought sweetened condensed milk.

When I got home and opened it up, it said “You don’t know how to cook, but you’re trying so hard. Bless your heart, honey.”

Turns out it was sweet’n condescending milk.

Pete was having a tough day at work...

His boss was berating him for a simple mistake. His coworkers were irritable. Customers were condescending. The only thing getting him through the day was knowing that his new golf clubs were coming in the mail later that day. He finally gets to leave work and gets home. He cracks open his bee...

My mom said I was repetitive, condescending, forgetful and repetitive.

But one day, I’ll be sure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two types of people in this world. Condescending assholes and...

Forget it, you wouldn't understand anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

I was going to repost this really condescending joke I read, but...

you guys didn't get it last time, and probably wont get it this time either.

What does a felon falling from an airplane and a significant other talking down to you have in common?

Condescending

Do you want to hear a really condescending joke?

... Do you even know what that means?

Anyone else here able to spell "condescending narcissist" correctly on the first try?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: “What are you doing there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” Nancy sobbed. “And I’ve just buried him.”

The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: “That’s a really big hole for a little goldfish, don’t you think?”


Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: “That’s because he’s insi...

Today my friend accused me of being condescending.

It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not condescending!

Try and count how many times I've been condescending! Exactly; you can't cause you're a dumbass.

Why were the prisoners of Alcatraz upset when the shortest inmate broke free by sliding down his homemade rope?

It was a little condescending.

I read a book the other day about the emotion struggles of an attractive hustler walking down stairs.

The ending was pretty condescending.

An guy with dwarfism tried explaining he escaped by climbing down the outside wall of a prison

It was a little condescending.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending!


(This has been my favorite joke for years, so I thought I’d share! :) Pretty sure I originally saw if from a tumblr post, it’s not my original joke)

Two sisters are talking & one of them starts complaining about being on her period and starts venting about boy problems...

Her sister condescendingly replies “You just have problems with men sis”

I got a joke but it requires that you know who D.B. Cooper is

I don't want to sound condescending while telling a joke about a con descending

I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us

He's not dead, just very condescending

Two mathematicians were having lunch at a diner and got into a rousing discussion about the state of mathematics education in the US.

The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

A young man and woman hit it off at a gathering

and the conversation soon turns to talking about their families. The girl sighs and says, “I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us.” “I’m sorry”, the boy says sympathetically .”Oh, he's not dead.”, replies the girl, “Just very condescending.”

I hate being patronised

Patronised means they speak with a sense of superiority and are condescending

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

Prison Escape.

I was driving past my state’s penitentiary the other day when I noticed a little person climbing down the wall to escape.

I thought to myself, “huh, that’s a little condescending.”

So I live next to a prison...

One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.

Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*

My friend worked as a security guard for a prison.

He told me about the one time he was asked to escort a dwarf inmate on a flight to another penitentiary.

The story was very interesting but the only part I didn't like was how the prisoners flight landed.

It was little condescending.

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