Someone told me I'm condescending

That means I talk down to people..

The first rule of Condescending Club

is really rather complex and I doubt you would understand it even if I explained it to you with diagrams.

My grandpa has been condescending Dave and Ray Davies since the 60s...

I guess he’s really into Kink shaming.

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

Listen, the last thing I want to do here is be condescending

That means "to talk down to"

*(Credit: Bob Newhart)*

Cop: I’m going to write you a ticket. If you stop acting so condescending, I’ll let you off with a warning.

Me: Don’t you mean condescendingly?

I'm always shocked when people call me condescending.

Because that's a very big word.

My mom said I was repetitive, condescending, forgetful and repetitive.

But one day, I’ll be sure

What does a felon falling from an airplane and a significant other talking down to you have in common?

Condescending

What do you call a snobbish and negative criminal walking down the stairs?

a condescending con descending

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two types of people in this world. Condescending assholes and...

Forget it, you wouldn't understand anyway.

How do you know if you're condescending to an ignorant person?

Oh never mind you don't know the answer anyway.

I was going to repost this really condescending joke I read, but...

you guys didn't get it last time, and probably wont get it this time either.

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: “What are you doing there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” Nancy sobbed. “And I’ve just buried him.”

The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: “That’s a really big hole for a little goldfish, don’t you think?”


Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: “That’s because he’s insi...

I read a book the other day about the emotion struggles of an attractive hustler walking down stairs.

The ending was pretty condescending.

Why were the prisoners of Alcatraz upset when the shortest inmate broke free by sliding down his homemade rope?

It was a little condescending.

Do you want to hear a really condescending joke?

... Do you even know what that means?

Can you people please stop being so condescending and passive-aggressive?

Thanks!

Anyone else here able to spell "condescending narcissist" correctly on the first try?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Today my friend accused me of being condescending.

It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending!


(This has been my favorite joke for years, so I thought I’d share! :) Pretty sure I originally saw if from a tumblr post, it’s not my original joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not condescending!

Try and count how many times I've been condescending! Exactly; you can't cause you're a dumbass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two blond bimbos

Blond 1- pulls out a cosmetic mirror, looks in and says... „hmm, that face looks familiar“

Blond 2 - grabs the mirror from the other blond and looks at it. „Ooh you’re so stupid“, she says looking condescendingly at her bimbo friend. „That’s Me!“

I got a joke but it requires that you know who D.B. Cooper is

I don't want to sound condescending while telling a joke about a con descending

I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us

He's not dead, just very condescending

Two mathematicians were having lunch at a diner and got into a rousing discussion about the state of mathematics education in the US.

The first mathematician insisted that the general American populace was woefully inadequate when it came to understanding even basic math, while the second felt the average person knew more than they were given credit. They made a friendly wager and agreed that the next time their waitress came by, ...

A young man and woman hit it off at a gathering

and the conversation soon turns to talking about their families. The girl sighs and says, “I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us.” “I’m sorry”, the boy says sympathetically .”Oh, he's not dead.”, replies the girl, “Just very condescending.”

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

Ralph is driving home one evening,

when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie G...

I hate being patronised

Patronised means they speak with a sense of superiority and are condescending

My friend said prisons should be built underground...

I replied: “Why must you be so condescending?”

Prison Escape.

I was driving past my state’s penitentiary the other day when I noticed a little person climbing down the wall to escape.

I thought to myself, “huh, that’s a little condescending.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

My friend worked as a security guard for a prison.

He told me about the one time he was asked to escort a dwarf inmate on a flight to another penitentiary.

The story was very interesting but the only part I didn't like was how the prisoners flight landed.

It was little condescending.

So I live next to a prison...

One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.

Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a son asks his dad if he could drive him to school.

“Son” the father replies all condescending and such, “when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked miles and miles to school”

“Well dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was the president of the United States

“Well son, guess what was up with Abes kid”

“What?”

*cocks...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf is sent to prison for securities fraud

One night he is able to slip under the fence and escape. He runs into the woods for as long as he can, and decides to hide in a tree, in case the guards come to track him down. After some time he falls asleep, being exhausted from running so far. He dreams of freedom and spending his hidden fortune....

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job...

...but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Few more:

* I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.

* I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

* My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
...

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