"I'm not telling you what to do, so don't tell me what to do!"
The U.S is so hypocritical
Claims to be a republic, but uses the imperial system...
Grandpa being hypocritical
Grandpa: Your generation relies too much on technology.
Me: No. Your generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support.
^(no oldies were harmed in the making of this joke)
What do you call a hypocritical member of the church of Latter Day Saints?
or, all of them.
People are so hypocritical these days! The other day I went into a library, started screaming and shouting and everyone told me to shut up.
Then, later on, when I did the same thing on an aeroplane, everyone joined in!
An atheist goes for a walk in the woods.
“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked ...
If a doctor takes a hippocratic oath after completing med school, what does a lawyer take after graduating law school?
A hypocritical oath.
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Jesus is sitting down one day and is visioning the high rate of drug consumption on earth in later years. He thought it was a bit hypocritical of him to condemn them without first trying them himself, so he sent his apostles out to find what drugs they could.
The secret operation is e...
An Atheist is walking through the woods...
and when as he rounds a corner, he sees a huge bear. He turns and runs, and the bear starts to chase him. All of a sudden, he trips and falls. The man turns over to see the bear looming over him, and he screams, "Oh God!"
Time freezes. The heavens open up, and he hears the voice of God. <...