UPJOKE
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A teacher just graded one of her students’ homework 9/10 and 14/10

The student was so happy and she showed it to her mom as soon as she reached home.

However, the mom feels mildly disturbed as she thought the 14/10 didn’t make any sense. “14 out of 10? The teacher was just randomly writing the grade, so irresponsible”, she thought like this and the next day ...

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

Apparently Mike Tyson has a tiger that he regularly plays with

That’s really irresponsible. He shouldn’t be messing with wild beasts of nature like that. I know he thinks he’s nice and won’t bite, but Mike Tyson has shown signs of aggression before

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I saw a woman on her mobile phone while I was driving next to her, I was so pissed off with the irresponsible cow.

I threw my bottle of whiskey at her.

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I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning and as we were leaving the trailer park, somebody shouted, "You're an irresponsible father!"

I shot back, “Who the fuck said that?! Stop the car, son!"

A guy was going on vacation and didn't have anyone to take care of his beloved cat

So he had to leave her with his notoriously irresponsible friend. The very first day the friend left the door open and the cat ran out into the street and got hit by a car and killed.

When he guy called his friend the next day to check up on the cat the friend said "Oh, the cat's dead. Got hi...

Seeing all these drivers looking at their phones is so infuriating, how irresponsible can you be while driving?

Anytime I see one of them in traffic it totally kills my high.

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I had sex with an irresponsible scuba diver.

I was in too deep.

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

My wife says I'm irresponsible with money!

No change there then.

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I recently got headphones to help me drown out the voices of other people.

It helps me concentrate when I'm trying to masturbate.

I mean, it's just so noisy on the bus.

People yell at me all the time, with stuff like "You have to be more responsible, you're the bus driver!"

Like c'mon Karen, really? You just sit at home all day, while I get your kids o...

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A man and a woman have sex

They were a little irresponsible and didn't use a condom. After having sex they're in bed doing some pillow talk.

Man: Hey, you don't have any STDs or anything like that right?

Woman: Oh no, I'm clean.

Man: Oh good. I didn't want to catch HIV again.

Husband: Do you love me?

Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.

Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?

Wife: I will always love you, my darling.

Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?

Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.

Husband: w...

Bill’s had a tough week, so he decides to have a little fun

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived h...

(Long) Did you hit your wife?

So I have heard you hit your wife, is that true?

**Before I marry her she was hungery and poor all the time. She now livea a much better life**

I was asking if you hit her.

**The whole community acknowdges the improvement of our household**

I didn’t ask that, I was asking...

This idiot beside me was texting and driving on the expressway

How irresponsible and dangerous. I was so mad I put my window down and threw my beer at him.

I heard a woman on the street today tell her boyfriend “ALL MEN ARE DOGS!” during an argument....

But for some reason she wasn’t very happy when I asked if I could pet him.

And anyways, it was pretty irresponsible to have him off leash and all.

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The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

I was having a beer at the bar when a mate walks in, panicked

He sits down next to me and tells me he’s left his sidekick in the car, because she drives him absolutely mad and he really needed a break.

I chuckled at his irresponsible behavior before he tells me “I told her I’d be back in a few minutes, but all lights in my car are broken anyway, can’t y...

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Franks Death

One day Frank a 80yr old marine veteran working construction with his super strong body gets a call while lifting cinder blocks.

Frank “Hello whose this?”

His neighbor “hey Frank it’s your neighbor and I have bad news for ya, your wife is having an affair I can see it all from my 2nd f...

Yesterday I saw a girl driving next to me while texting on her phone...

I was so disgusted by her irresponsible driving that I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

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Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.
Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!
Thi...

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Little Johnny is in class giving a test.

He gets done with it way before everyone else, and now gets to sit in silence while everyone else gets done with theirs. Having nothing else to do, he idly begins doodling on the corner of his paper to kill time, and when the time's up, he hands his paper in with everyone else.

Later during t...

I don’t vaccinate my child.

That would be extremely irresponsible. I pay a medical professional to vaccinate him.

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Wandering through the jungle, a lizard comes across a monkey getting baked

**Lizard** \- Hey Monkey, what's all that smoke up there ? You alright ?

**Monkey** \- Maaaan come up there and taste this shit with me. You gonna have the best time of your life !

*The lizard seems hesitant but climbs up anyway and joins the monkey on the tree and in his smoking sessi...

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A business man was going to a meeting out of country...

He needed someone to watch his mom and his cat. His brother immediately said he would take the job. The older brother replied with "I'm sorry but you've always been very irresponsible."

The younger brother then said "I promise I can do it! I've got a job and my own place and I'm really coming...

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