Why are bassists considered cowardly?

Because they disappear at the first sign of treble.

The fascist, the coward, and the yellow monkey were what the US call their enemy in WW2...

... now that is what they call their president.

Why was the man with the ostomy bag a coward?

Because he was gutless

What do cowardly terrorists and my Reddit posts have in common?

None of them blew up yet

What does the cowardly superhero wear on their back?

An escape.

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

He gave the robber his money and asked the robber to shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

He then asked, "Shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward".

After the robber ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cowardly platypus?

A platypussy.

The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the w...

What kind of monkey is the biggest coward?

A chim-PANSY

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Did I win?

My wife and I got into a huge argument. But in the end, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.
Wife: Come out from under that bed you coward!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

Ugh, French people are such cowards

I saved one and he just kept begging for mercy

The Cowardly Lion, Aslan, and Cecil are having drinks at a bar ...

They all look worn out so the bartender asks them why they look so beat.

The Cowardly Lion goes first and says, "Man, you have no idea what I went through just to get courage."

Aslan then chimes in quickly after that and says, "Nonsense, you have no idea what I went through just to get...

Who is the most cowardly knight?

Sir Render

Jack Schitt, Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a group of eight cowards?

Octopussies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, What seems to be the problem, moth?

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happines...

What does a survivor of the Food Onomatopoeia war get?

Nom flashbacks.



I know I'm getting reported for this one, but you know you like them. Upvote this you cowards.

What's a coward on one side, has guts all over in the middle, and doesn't exist on the other side?

The chicken crossing the road who got hit by a truck halfway across.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the coward finally stand up to the man with ugly testicles?

Gruesome balls

Why did the cowardly king refuse to visit his stables?

Because they were full of knight mares.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cowardly sex offender and your job?

Your job will always suck

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror.

I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.

Absolute cowards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dragon appears and burns down a village...

...so the inhabitants of the another village across the river plead with Sir Roland, a mighty knight, to come and slay the beast.

Sir Roland dons his best plate, arms himself with his finest weapons, and rides out to battle the dragon. He comes to the area where the beast was last seen, and f...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was too much of a coward to go down the street!

Yesterday I was having a talk with my friend and he said, "I had a terrible row with my wife last night. But she crawled to me on her knees in the end."

Half shocked and half impressed I said, "Wow – that’s really impressive! What did she say?!"

My friend shrugged and replied, "Come out from under that sofa, you filthy coward!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are walking through the woods when suddenly voices ring out from the trees.

"You call those muscles?" "I bet your grandma is stronger than you" "I could beat you with one flick"

One of the men shouted into the woods, "Oh yeah? You wanna fight? Show yourself cowards!"

His friend laughed and said, "Just ignore them, those are just the Shit-talking mushrooms."

A magical teddy bear decided to go for a walk

The bear decided to walk down the street and he stumbled across an alley where he heard some weird sounds. Being a teddy bear, it figured no one would care if it saw them as long as it acted natural. So it went to see what was happening.

The bear noticed an infamous criminal beating a man to...

Teacher: Make a sentence with the word "harassment"

**Student**: "her-ass-meant" a lot to me

**Teacher:** Coward!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy stole a candy bar. His dad instead of punishing him this time tried to explain that he should only do things he is proud of, and if he lives that way all the time it will feel good.

The boy tried it. He stopped behing a coward and asked out any girl he wanted. He saved money instead of wasting it on the little things. He made a bunch of improvements to his life he was proud of, within a week. But he became very uncomfortable and nobody knew why. Then he announced he was putting...

Two cows got in a fight..

One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.

One was cowrageous.

The other was a coward.

An insanely jealous husband comes home in a rage to see his wife...

He was a large bulky man who could well tear into somebody. He barges into their 3 story apartment, slams the door, and yells at his wife, "Where is he, you cheat?"

She exclaims, "What are you talking about?" He screams, "I know you're cheating on me and when I find him, I'm going to kill him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Three guys are hanging out together at a house. One is white, one is black, and one is Mexican. After doing a couple lines of coke, they are all revved up and horny. The white guy says “hey we should get a hooker and we can take turns for a little entertainment”

The other two guys agree this is a great idea and so the white guy makes a phone call to a pimp. Ten minutes later, a prostitute arrives.

After a few minutes of discussion, the white guy says “well I paid for her so I’m going first”. The other two guys, while annoyed, agree to this.

T...

A man went into a bookstore and complained...

“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"

The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,

“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...

What do you call a person who looks after cows?

It's not shepherd, it's coward

What do you call cattle that don't have courage?

Cowards.




*Thanks folks, I wrote this when I was 7 years old!*

A moth goes to a podiatrist

The podiatrist asks "what seems to be the problem?"

The moth says "Doc, where do I begin man."
"I hate my job, my boss doesn't even seem to know I exist even though I've worked my ase off for him for 20 years"
"My marriage is a joke, sometimes I look at my wife and realise I hardly even...

A man goes back to a bookstore to complain about a recent purchase.

“I bought this book last week called The Biggest Cowards in History, but the minute I opened the book, all of the pages fell out.”

The sales clerk looks at the book and explains, “Well, that’s because it’s got no spine.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadistic tyrant was finally defeated and dethroned.

During his decades of reign, the tyrant had used many cruel and unusual punishments against those who had stood against him. He had people doused in boiling water, he had cut limbs off people without just cause, he had them crucified and more.

He enjoyed watching people suffer. However, his b...

What do you call a cow that isn't brave?

A COWard(sorry)

'So how did the fight with your wife end last night?'

'She came to me on her knees!'

'Oh yeah, and what did she say?'

'Come out, you can't stay under the table forever, coward!'

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side is the most common answer, however this answer leaves a great deal of room for interpretation. As noted historian and sociologist Ian Ormwell stated, "A joke cannot be taken at face value; all jests are subjective in their appearance and impact." Contrasting this view, the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alright, let me get the facts straight...

The farm decided to have a potluck?
That's correct.
And the last time you saw your son he was with Mrs. Dogs adopted son?
That's correct officer, he's a chicken.
You mean he's cowardly?
No, I mean Mrs. Dog adopted a chicken as her son.
So, Ms. Bull, why...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there was a mighty hunter...(long but worth it)

Who went out hunting one day. The hunter comes upon a field and spies a massive grizzly bear. So he crouches down with his rifle, lines it up just right and Ka-boom! After the shot rings out, he can't see the bear. He looks around left and right until he feel a tap on his shoulder.
It's the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sly fox jumps over a impulsive lioness

Once there lived a sly fox in a vast jungle. He knew every nook and corner of the jungle. One day he went to the lion's den and started calling out the lion for a fight.

The fox said,"Come out, you coward lion. I'm gonna carve out your inside with my bare hands". But the lion didn't move an i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon.

Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

Got in a fight with my wife last night

Says one guy to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"
"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"
"Really, what did she say?"
"Get out from under the bed you coward"

Our guru told us this joke when my mom told him I got scared by a stray cat at night while taking out the garbage.

There was this one cowardly guy who was scared of many things and once he took a journey to another town. While at it, he came upon a tunnel. He quickly got scared of the tunnel and started to look around for help. He saw a person standing by and asks him for help. The person says he's a guide and y...

Well the war was finally over, and...

A train full of soldiers was headed back from the front. In one carriage, a Colonel and a Corporal sat across from each other, and as the train rolled past a former battlefield, the Colonel sighed and told the Corporal that he'd once led a charge riding a great white stallion in that very spot...at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cockroach's last word to Andrew

'Go ahead, kill me coward. You are just jealous i make your wife scream more than you do when i climb her'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Super Mario, come quick! Bowser kidnapped the princess!"

-That fucking coward! I'll kill him! Which way did he go?

-He went to the left.

-**Goddammit!!!**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't freakin' believe this!!

So you cowards think you're bad because 4 of you came at me & started crap with me AGAIN?? 4....REALLY??? Now it takes 4 of you to come at me??? I still handled all of you, left one of you on the ground..slapped the crap out of one of you and left blood everywhere, two got away. I just came out ...

St. George the Dragon Slayer rides up to a huge cave

"Come out, Dragon, and fight me!" he shouts into the cave. But there is no response.
"Come out, and fight me to the death" he shouts even louder. Still no response. And the cave stinks absolutely awfully.
"Come out, you cowardly worm," shouts St. George one more time at the top of his lungs,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A buffalo is ruminating in the middle of the great plain...

as he observes a small white rabbit getting nearer and nearer.
The rabbit stops right in front of his face.

*"get the hell out of my way, you big ass imbecile!"* the little rabbit yells. The buffalo just ignores him.

The rabbit goes on yelling.
*"are you stupid, other than ugly? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A valuable life lesson.

So, be me. A cowardly 6/10. Move into a new neighborhood and have 1+1-2=0 friends. Mowing the lawn when a dog runs up to me. Girl comes after dog, easily a 9/10. Help her get her dog back, introduce myself. Become good friends. Begin dating.

New girl moves in, around a 7/10. Introduce self to...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.