Quincy inherited a large sum of money at a young age from his father, but he wasted it all on illicit drugs and became destitute and homeless.

It's a cold December night in New York City, with temperatures well below freezing point. Quincy shivers in his one and only winter coat, the same one he's had for the past ten years, lying on a park bench sheltered by nothing but tree canopies. Quincy, in a rare moment of soberness and self-reflect...

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

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Did you hear about the farmer running the illicit sex ring?

Apparently it was a pig fucking deal.

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

A man and a woman are driving down a road when a cop pulls them over

The cop asks the man(who is in the drivers seat)

"Do you know why I pulled you over"

The man replies " Is it because we are smuggling illicit drugs across the border,ran over 2 people and are speeding?"

The cop looks surprised because he only saw them speeding, he starts pu...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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A guy asks a doctor how long he will live

So the doctor, looking at his clipboard and taking notes, begins to ask him a series of questions.

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

Patient: No

Doc: D...

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Doctor my dick has turned orange..

A man walks into a doctors office and says "doc my dicks turned orange!" So the doctor says "well have you had unprotected sex? Or done any illicit drugs?" The man replies "no doc I've been home all week watching movies and eatin cheetos."

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