I went to get a vasectomy and the doctor said I won’t have children anymore

When I went back home they were still there

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Just got a vasectomy. I was looking forward to not having any more kids...

...but when I got home, the fuckers were still there

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A man is getting ready for a vasectomy...

He asks his doctor, "will it still feel good when I have sex with my wife?" His doctor replies, "you won't notice a vas deferens".

I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy.

The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?”

I said, "Yes, they’re in favor 14 to 3.."

I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.

Euclipides nuts.

My Wife said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?

I said :- I am not kidding you .

Some people say you should use condoms instead of getting a vasectomy,

but I think there's a vast difference.

I had a vasectomy. Did you know that it actually doesn't prevent your wife from getting pregnant it just changes the color of the baby.

Or at least that's what my mailman said

I asked my doctor what life with a vasectomy is like.

He told me it makes a vas deferens.

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A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.

They were publicly desemenated.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A bloody ripoff

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A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy th...

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Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

What do you call a discount on a circumcision and a vasectomy at the same time?

A package deal

I’ll see myself out

Villager goes for vasectomy

So one villager reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.

Doc: What are you here for?

Villager: The vasectomy camp.

D: Oh OK. How many kids do you have?

V: None. I am not even married!!

D (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?

V: Every man i...

Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...

So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies...

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So, I went and got a vasectomy today..

So, I went and got a vasectomy today. The nurse came into the room and told me to take me clothes off and lay in the bed. I did. Then she jumped on me, did me, then said let's go to the operating room. I said,"What was that all about?" She said, "It's better to have some kind of sex before the opera...

What do you call an artist who had a vasectomy?

Seriously, does anyone know?

I'm drawing a blank here.

Turns out a vasectomy doesn't necessarily stop you having a child.

It just changed the colour.

I went for a vasectomy the other day because I don't want to have any children

I don't think it worked though, because when I got home they were still there.

Most people say it’s not too bad to get a vasectomy.

I got one yesterday and it really hurt. I guess there’s a Vas Deference between people’s responses to the procedure.

I had always thought becoming sterile through testicular trauma was the same as having a vasectomy

Turns out, there's a vas deferens

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A man in Alabama wants a vasectomy, so he goes to his doctor.

"I need me one o' them vay-sectomies" the man told the doc.

The doctor tells him it's a simple procedure, all he needs to do is light an m-80 and count to 10.

That didn't make a lot of sense to the man, so he went to Emery to see another doctor

"I need me a vay-sectomy" said the...

I had a vasectomy but my wife still had a baby

She told me its ok though, sometimes a vasectomy just makes the baby come out black......

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Unexpectedly, an artist's wife starts having sex with him every day.

Though quite unusual, he didn't question his luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride.

One day, his wife approached him. "Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?"

"Of course!" he replied. "What should I draw?"

"What you think our baby will look like."

He stared back at her,...

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People told me that a vasectomy would totally change sex for me.

But it didn't have a vas deferens

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I had a vasectomy

Two months ago, I had a vasectomy for health reasons and a week after the operation, I was asked by the doctor to produce a sample of my semen for confirmation by the hospital.

When I was walking to the hospital, I realized the lid of the bottle in my pocket was off but still decided to go to...

I’m getting a vasectomy tomorrow

I’ll tell my urologist she can start with either side because ultimately it doesn’t make a vas deferens.

Did you hear about the doctor who botched a vasectomy?

He missed and got the sack

A surgeon was fired after a botched vasectomy.

Still got a severance package.

Think it Over

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"...

I'm really confident about my vasectomy.

I'm sure it's gonna make a vas deferens.

Earlier this year I got a vasectomy

I thought it would stop me and my wife from having kids, but it just changed the color of our child.

Do not get one, they don't work.

After my vasectomy I was telling my wife...

I can take my arm being sore, or even my leg. That's no problem.

But this operation is a whole different ball game.

I used to think that a vasectomy prevented you from having a kid

Turns out it just changes the color (:

My wife just gave birth and she’s over the moon! I,on the other hand, plan to sue the surgeon who did my vasectomy.

Not once did he mention that a mixed race baby was a possible side effect!

What does a king call a vasectomy

An heir cut

The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

My wife and kids want me to get a vasectomy so they took a vote...

...I lost 13 votes to 12.

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I am having a vasectomy today. Tell me your best ball jokes

I will start it off.
What did one ball say to the other?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a dick.

Doctor, how did my vasectomy go?

Well, about that Mrs Smith...

Went to have my vasectomy today

The doctor asked: "this procedure is irreversible. Have you consulted your wife and kids?"
To which I replied: "yes, we voted it up, 19 were pro and only 2 against."

I asked my artist boyfriend to sketch what our baby might look like, but he must have gotten a vasectomy.

He drew a blank.

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My wife wants to prove she's brave enough to get a vasectomy...

I told her she doesn't have the balls to do it.

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What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gets his vasectomy reversed?

Scrotal re-ball

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"

My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.

Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.

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What is the title for a movie about a man who is going to get his vasectomy reversed?

Scrotal Recall!

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Alabama Vasectomy

One day a man from Alabama was arguing with his wife and she wanted him to get a vasectomy. So he reluctantly went to the doctor and upon hearing the cost $6500. He said he isn't paying that as he could buy a used fishing boat for that price. So he went to another doctor hoping to get a lower price...

I got a vasectomy two years ago.

Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.

Wife told me if I really didn’t want anymore kids to get a vasectomy

All it did was change the color of our next one.

I just got a Vasectomy...

The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a sperm count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...

"Doctor, I've decided to get a vasectomy"

The doctor said, "Mr. Smith, this is a serious decision. Have you talked it over with your wife and children?"

"Oh, yes," Mr. Smith replied. "They're in favor of it 15 to 2."

I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel...

I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens.

After getting a vasectomy a guy complains to his buddy that they don't work since his wife still keeps getting pregnant.

The buddy says "mine didn't work either, it just made the babies come out black"

"I don't think the vasectomy worked", said the redneck to his friend.

"Why, you get yo wife pregnant?" asked the friend.

"Yeah not only that, the baby came out all black."

Two years ago, Vizzini had a vasectomy. Today, his girlfriend announced to him that she is pregnant with his child.

He yelled: "Inconceivable!"

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I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next Wednesday, but I am a little worried.

I hear it can make a vas deferens in my sex life.

The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy...

Really got the ball rolling.

I asked my wife if I could have another vasectomy

but she said no, you're cut off.

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Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy?

Because open balls are in his neighborhood

What’s the name of the cheapest vasectomy provider?


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