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Vasectomy Jokes

Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...

So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies...

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Alabama vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doc...

TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides.

His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."

I got a vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant.

But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby

What does a man who's had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?

Decorative balls.

A vasectomy only works if you tell your wife about it

Otherwise she keep on getting pregnant

I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids.

But when I came back home, they were still there.

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My friend asked me, “Is sex weird after you get a vasectomy?”

I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”

Recently I've had a vasectomy.

That's the surgery that changes the color of your kids.

An 89 year old man goes to the urologist

"Doc," he says, "I need a vasectomy."

"A vasectomy? Why in the world would you need a vasectomy at your age?"

"Well doc, I just married a beautiful 22-year-old woman, and last night she told me she was pregnant! I can't have more kids at my age!"

The doc thought for a second an...

Villager goes for vasectomy

So one villager reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent.

Doc: What are you here for?

Villager: The vasectomy camp.

D: Oh OK. How many kids do you have?

V: None. I am not even married!!

D (shocked): Then why do you want a vasectomy?

V: Every man i...

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I had a vasectomy

Two months ago, I had a vasectomy for health reasons and a week after the operation, I was asked by the doctor to produce a sample of my semen for confirmation by the hospital.

When I was walking to the hospital, I realized the lid of the bottle in my pocket was off but still decided to go to...

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Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

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I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant

But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

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My wife said the sex after my vasectomy changed dramatically...

She said she noticed "a vas deferens"

I got a vasectomy last year.

Turns out they don't prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.

I had a vasectomy done 2 years ago..

Mainly because I didn’t want any lids whatsoever, but when I got home from the hospital after the operation, they were still there…

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Getting a vasectomy soon.....

I'm saving this joke to tell my wife when I get home from the consult because she's been on me to lose weight a lot lately.


Great news, babe. The dick doc said I can jerk off WHENEVER I want.
His exact words were "You could have a stroke at any time" but I know what he meant.

I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy.

He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

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What did the balls yell at the penis after the vasectomy?

You’re nutting without me!

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The kids don’t know the difference between castration and a vasectomy.

True story:

Fellow teacher in the lounge during lunch: “They have no knowledge of basic human anatomy. They thought that getting a vasectomy meant having your balls chopped off.”

Me: “When it comes to the difference between castration and a vasectomy, there is a vas deferens.”

T...

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So, I went and got a vasectomy today..

So, I went and got a vasectomy today. The nurse came into the room and told me to take me clothes off and lay in the bed. I did. Then she jumped on me, did me, then said let's go to the operating room. I said,"What was that all about?" She said, "It's better to have some kind of sex before the opera...

My Wife said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?

I said :- I am not kidding you .

My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy

Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children

I told her: “but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn’t she”?

Now I don’t need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enou...

I went to the doctor to get a vasectomy.

The doctor said, "This a really big decision you know. Have you discussed it with your wife and kids?”

I said, "Yes, they’re in favor 14 to 3.."

I just got a vasectomy

I feel like it's a big change, but I don't feel a vas deferens.

Why did the hillbilly wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

He said,

"If I'm gonna be impotent,

I gotta look impotent.

Two men discuss vasectomies...

First: "I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy, but I'm worried about performance..."
Second:" I had one, I was worried at first but after a while I realized there just wasn't a vas deferens"

Turns out a vasectomy doesn't necessarily stop you having a child.

It just changed the colour.

"I need to inspect your wounds" said the beautiful Thai nurse after my vasectomy

"Just to warn you, it's not uncommon to get an erection during this process, please don't be embarrassed" she said

"That's ok nurse, that will never happen to me" I said

"No" she said, "but it might happen to me."

What do you call an artist who had a vasectomy?

Seriously, does anyone know?

I'm drawing a blank here.

Earlier this year I got a vasectomy

I thought it would stop me and my wife from having kids, but it just changed the color of our child.

Do not get one, they don't work.

What does a king call a vasectomy

An heir cut

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Alabama Vasectomy

One day a man from Alabama was arguing with his wife and she wanted him to get a vasectomy. So he reluctantly went to the doctor and upon hearing the cost $6500. He said he isn't paying that as he could buy a used fishing boat for that price. So he went to another doctor hoping to get a lower price...

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I am having a vasectomy today. Tell me your best ball jokes

I will start it off.
What did one ball say to the other?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a dick.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A bloody ripoff

I got a vasectomy two years ago.

Turns out is doesn't stop you from having kids, they just come out in different colours.

Doctor, how did my vasectomy go?

Well, about that Mrs Smith...

A surgeon was fired after a botched vasectomy.

Still got a severance package.

I’m getting a vasectomy tomorrow

I’ll tell my urologist she can start with either side because ultimately it doesn’t make a vas deferens.

Most people say it’s not too bad to get a vasectomy.

I got one yesterday and it really hurt. I guess there’s a Vas Deference between people’s responses to the procedure.

After my vasectomy I was telling my wife...

I can take my arm being sore, or even my leg. That's no problem.

But this operation is a whole different ball game.

Went to have my vasectomy today

The doctor asked: "this procedure is irreversible. Have you consulted your wife and kids?"
To which I replied: "yes, we voted it up, 19 were pro and only 2 against."

I just got a Vasectomy...

The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a sperm count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...

To her credit, the nurse that prepped me for my vasectomy was very gentle and I'm sure she didn't mean to be unkind.

But I don't think it was very nice of her to say "Just a little prick, sir".

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For my post-vasectomy follow-up my doctor required that I give one last semen sample. As a graduated Eagle Scout, I showed up to the appointment with all the necessary supplies: extra clothes, med-kit, secondary ID, Swiss Army knife, field guide, compass, and wet wipes.

When the nurse walked in to collect my sample she said, “I see you came prepared!”

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A doctor accidentally emailed the results of all his vasectomy patients to everyone on the internet.

They were publicly desemenated.

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A man in Alabama wants a vasectomy, so he goes to his doctor.

"I need me one o' them vay-sectomies" the man told the doc.

The doctor tells him it's a simple procedure, all he needs to do is light an m-80 and count to 10.

That didn't make a lot of sense to the man, so he went to Emery to see another doctor

"I need me a vay-sectomy" said the...

What do you call a discount on a circumcision and a vasectomy at the same time?

A package deal



I’ll see myself out

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What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gets his vasectomy reversed?

Scrotal re-ball

I had a vasectomy but my wife still had a baby

She told me its ok though, sometimes a vasectomy just makes the baby come out black......

Why was the man upset with his vasectomy procedure?

There was no vast difference.

"Doctor, I've decided to get a vasectomy"

The doctor said, "Mr. Smith, this is a serious decision. Have you talked it over with your wife and children?"

"Oh, yes," Mr. Smith replied. "They're in favor of it 15 to 2."

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My wife wants to prove she's brave enough to get a vasectomy...

I told her she doesn't have the balls to do it.

The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy...

Really got the ball rolling.

Did you hear about the doctor who botched a vasectomy?

He missed and got the sack

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People told me that a vasectomy would totally change sex for me.

But it didn't have a vas deferens

I had always thought becoming sterile through testicular trauma was the same as having a vasectomy

Turns out, there's a vas deferens

What’s the name of the cheapest vasectomy provider?

UnderCutters

Wife told me if I really didn’t want anymore kids to get a vasectomy

All it did was change the color of our next one.

I asked my wife if I could have another vasectomy

but she said no, you're cut off.

My wife was excited after my vasectomy.

She said it was a load off of her chest.^.(stole ^off ^imgur, ^sowwie)

"I don't think the vasectomy worked", said the redneck to his friend.

"Why, you get yo wife pregnant?" asked the friend.

"Yeah not only that, the baby came out all black."

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