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Communists Jokes

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.

How did communists light their homes before candles?

with light bulbs

Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that communists don't have orgasms?

they have ourgasms

Why do Communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft!

What's the best way to kill communists?

Communism.

What do two communists have in common?

Everything

I think my cats are communists

They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.

What do you call a group of french communists?

Oui

How do Communists tell time?

Ours

Why does communists have toxic relationships?

Because they run into red flags.

What do German Communists and German Capitalists have in common?

They both love Marks

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

whats the most common disease among communists?

Hammer and sickle cell anemia.

What do communists and the male g-spot have in common?

They're both prostate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

Why do communists take their time doing everything?

Because it's not minutes, it's hours comrade.

Why are communists always late to events?

Because they’re Stallin’!

JK. It’s cause they starved to death.

What's it called when two communists begrudgingly get married?

The So be it Union

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

What is a Communists favorite musician?

Cher

Why Don't Communists Like School?

Because they have always get bad Marx.

Why are communists considered left?

Because they can't do anything right

What do vegan communists really, really enjoy?

the soyviet union.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Communists and Trump supporters really aren't all that different...

They both want a world with no class.

What are Communists born with?

BirthMarx

Why don’t communists go to school?

Because the classes are divided

Four communists go to a hotel.

When they get to the hotel, one of the comrades gets very tired and tries to get some sleep. The other three annoy him all night and keep him from sleeping. The other three began telling jokes about the Soviets, so he creates a plan.

The fourth communist goes to the kitchen and asks for a cup...

How do Communists ask for help?

Quit Stalin and get Lenin me a hand right Mao!

where do communists get their coal from?

ours

How do communists neuter their dogs?

By seizing their means of reproduction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First they came for the Communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

By the time they got to me, they didn't have any jizz left, so they couldn't come for me.

What do Chinese Communists say instead of “lol”?

L-MAO.

Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?

Well, because they hate capitalism.

I once saw a group of Communists.

They were playing Soviet Russian Roulette. It's like regular Russian Roulette, except that everyone dies equally.

It's true, Communists have swag...

Something We All Get...

How do communists make games?

Using 'Unity'.

Why do Catholics make the best Communists?

They're fine with standing in line for bread.

Why can communists never drive?

Their cars are always Stalin.

Where on Reddit to communists go to have a laugh?

Our jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do communists stop breathing when they masturbate?

Because in Soviet Russia, chicken chokes YOU.

Communists must love Tsunamis.

They take the homes of the wealthy and give poor people access to the beachfront.

Everyone knows Communists make the best bread

Its so good they're willing to wait hours in line for a single loaf!

Some Communists took over a wheel factory today

They declared a revolution.

Why do communists hate inside jokes?

Because not everyone gets them.

I think my cat is a communist

She won’t stop saying “Mao”

How do Communists revive people?

By using CCCPR!

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