UPJOKE
socialismmarxismmao zedongcapitalismsocialistbolshevikkarl marxjoseph stalinstatestalinfriedrich engelsproletariatvladimir lenincommunismsoviet

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.
upvote downvote report

How did communists light their homes before candles?

with light bulbs
upvote downvote report

Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”
upvote downvote report

Why do Communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that communists don't have orgasms?

they have ourgasms

What's the best way to kill communists?

Communism.
upvote downvote report

What do two communists have in common?

Everything
upvote downvote report

I think my cats are communists

They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a group of french communists?

Oui
upvote downvote report

How do Communists tell time?

Ours
upvote downvote report

Why does communists have toxic relationships?

Because they run into red flags.
upvote downvote report

What do German Communists and German Capitalists have in common?

They both love Marks
upvote downvote report

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.
upvote downvote report

whats the most common disease among communists?

Hammer and sickle cell anemia.
upvote downvote report

What do communists and the male g-spot have in common?

They're both prostate.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

Why do communists take their time doing everything?

Because it's not minutes, it's hours comrade.
upvote downvote report

Why are communists always late to events?

Because they’re Stallin’!

JK. It’s cause they starved to death.
upvote downvote report

What's it called when two communists begrudgingly get married?

The So be it Union
upvote downvote report

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours
upvote downvote report

Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties
upvote downvote report

What is a Communists favorite musician?

Cher
upvote downvote report

Why Don't Communists Like School?

Because they have always get bad Marx.
upvote downvote report

Why are communists considered left?

Because they can't do anything right
upvote downvote report

What do vegan communists really, really enjoy?

the soyviet union.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Communists and Trump supporters really aren't all that different...

They both want a world with no class.

What are Communists born with?

BirthMarx
upvote downvote report

Why don’t communists go to school?

Because the classes are divided
upvote downvote report

Four communists go to a hotel.

When they get to the hotel, one of the comrades gets very tired and tries to get some sleep. The other three annoy him all night and keep him from sleeping. The other three began telling jokes about the Soviets, so he creates a plan.

The fourth communist goes to the kitchen and asks for a cup...
upvote downvote report

How do Communists ask for help?

Quit Stalin and get Lenin me a hand right Mao!
upvote downvote report

where do communists get their coal from?

ours
upvote downvote report

How do communists neuter their dogs?

By seizing their means of reproduction
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First they came for the Communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

By the time they got to me, they didn't have any jizz left, so they couldn't come for me.

What do Chinese Communists say instead of “lol”?

L-MAO.
upvote downvote report

Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?

Well, because they hate capitalism.
upvote downvote report

I once saw a group of Communists.

They were playing Soviet Russian Roulette. It's like regular Russian Roulette, except that everyone dies equally.
upvote downvote report

It's true, Communists have swag...

Something We All Get...
upvote downvote report

How do communists make games?

Using 'Unity'.
upvote downvote report

Why do Catholics make the best Communists?

They're fine with standing in line for bread.
upvote downvote report

Why can communists never drive?

Their cars are always Stalin.
upvote downvote report

Where on Reddit to communists go to have a laugh?

Our jokes
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do communists stop breathing when they masturbate?

Because in Soviet Russia, chicken chokes YOU.

Communists must love Tsunamis.

They take the homes of the wealthy and give poor people access to the beachfront.
upvote downvote report

Everyone knows Communists make the best bread

Its so good they're willing to wait hours in line for a single loaf!
upvote downvote report

Some Communists took over a wheel factory today

They declared a revolution.
upvote downvote report

Why do communists hate inside jokes?

Because not everyone gets them.
upvote downvote report

I think my cat is a communist

She won’t stop saying “Mao”
upvote downvote report

How do Communists revive people?

By using CCCPR!
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information