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Fascist Jokes

What do you call a fascist aquatic mammal?

Adolphin.

A racist, a fascist, and an idiot walked into a bar

"What can I get you?" Asked the bartender.

"I'll just have a water, and make sure the glass is small enough for my hands" said Donald Trump.

What do you call a non binary fascist?

A Not-she.

What do you call a blind fascist?

A Not-See

What game do fascists like to play?

Nahtzee.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

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Did you hear about that fascist leader named Richard Potato?

Most call him a Dick Tater.

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Italy, year VI of the Fascist Era.

A very very poor farmer is desperate. He doesn't have food, money or clothes for his children. He's so desperate that he decides to write a letter to God, asking for 500 lire (Italian money).

So he takes a pen and some paper, writes the request, and encloses it in an envelope. Now he has to ...

What did the Italian farmer name his fascist cow?

Moo-ssolini

Why did the fascist automobile stop moving?

Its engine was Stalin.

The fascist, the coward, and the yellow monkey were what the US call their enemy in WW2...

... now that is what they call their president.

An Austrian, an Artist, and a Fascist walk into a bar

It went all Reich

What do you call a fascist fish?

Gill Duce.

A fascist, liberal, and communist start arguing who’s got a better ideology

To settle their argument, they decide to see whose ideology can make a cat eat mustard.

Fascist takes a spoonful of mustard and forcefully shoves it down the cat’s throat.

Liberal puts mustard between two pieces of tasty meat and thus tricks the cat into eating it.

Communist sme...

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Are anti-fascists Z’s?

Because everyone’s telling me that fascists are Nazis

What is the most fascist letter?

Not C

What is a fascist’s favorite breakfast cereal?

Mueslini.

What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII?

A dull fiddler

What's the difference between a communist and a fascist?

The fascists have better costume designers.

Cop: do you know why i pulled you over?

Me: because the police force is a fascist institution designed to protect the wealthy

Cop: there's a man in your trunk

Me: yea a 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 man

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

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A rapist, a con-artist and a fascist walk into a bar...

The bartender says 'What'll it be Mr President?'

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

Why couldn’t the commie find the fascist?

They were looking too far left while the other one was far right.

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Three Beautiful Potatoes

Mr and Mrs Potato Head have three beautiful daughters. One night, they're gathered around the dinner table when the eldest daughter speaks up.

"Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you... I'm getting married!"

Mrs Potato Head looks at her "This is such a surprise! Who is he?"

The ...

Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?

Mussolini, because he was the fascist

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What’s the difference between a nazi who likes to garden, and my foot condition?

One is a fascist planter

The other is plantar fasciitis

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Did you know Hitler was a prolific track athlete in his younger years?

He was the Fascist guy in Germany!

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Why are Mussolini and Hitler the best runners?

They were the fascists

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So my friend was in Germany and made a nazi joke...

And people got a bit embarrassed and quietly explained to him that "ehm, you probably shouldn't do nazi jokes here, it's kind of forbidden...", to which he replied:

"Well that's stupid! What kind of fascist country bans nazi jokes?!"

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The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

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Hitler once ran a race against the top German athletes, and they all slowed down to let him win.

He thought he was the fascist man in Germany.

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What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

One was the fastest and one was a fascist.

Why did Benito Mussolini always dress so nice?

He was actually very into fashion. That’s why everyone called him a fascist!

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Dunno why people like to associate Comcast with the Nazis

It's not like they're the fascist out there.

Bartender and His Customers

A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.

The bartender asks, "What's new?"

They all reply, "I'm running for president."

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Why did Hitler always win foot races?

He was the fascist one.

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

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Why did Sonic become a Nazi?

Gotta go fascist.

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WW2. An Italian bishop is visiting a cloisters shortly after the liberation of the country...

He meets with the mother superior and asks her how she and the nuns did during the nazi occupation.

"Oh it was terrible, father. First came the fascists and violated all, but sister Rosa. Then it was the Germans, and they too violated all, but sister Rosa. Then came the partisans ...

how does trump commute to work each day?

by walking the fascist way possible!

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

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