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Dictatorship Jokes

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

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what do you call a boat carrying penis shaped potatoes?

A dictatorship

How does a Rastafarian dictatorship disseminate misinformation into its population?

Propaganja.

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

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What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes?

A dictatorship.



I actually told this joke to the lunch lady when I was in kindergarten, and she told it to the entire teachers lounge, so I became the Dick Joke Kid to all the teachers from age 6.

A good comedian is like a good dictatorship.

Consistent in their execution.

What’s the difference between a communist dictatorship and a crime syndicate?

One is organized.

I feel there’s too many Dictatorships around nowadays...

It’s time to put the few back in Fuhrer!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man joins a ship's crew as a cook

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
...

Citizen of a secretive dictatorship - AMA!

[this user has been jailed]

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

Life hacks from Secretary Stalin, don’t dress for the job you want. Use the job you have to create a totalitarian dictatorship to crush your enemies.

*this joke exists because I found out Stalin’s title during his reign was Secretary. During the power struggles his opponents wanted to give him a menial job to side line him. But he realized he controlled who got invitations to meeting, what was on the agenda, and when they should happen. Leading t...

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

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Did you hear about the pirate whose only booty was dildos and potatoes?

They say he ran a dictatorship.

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship.

*sobs*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Lord

Dear good Lord, please make me dumb,
that I don't go to a concentration camp.
Dear good Lord please make me deaf,
that I don't tamper with the radio.
Dear good Lord please make me blind,
that I think everything is fine:
If I'm deaf and dumb and blind,
I am Adolf’s ...

How do dictators travel on the sea?

In dictatorships.

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