What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

How funny are jokes about communism?

Equally as funny as any other joke.

Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.

I made a meme about communism

But then I realized that to be more accurate it should be called an “usus” instead of a “meme”

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example...

In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .

. . . lousy Marx

A joke about communism isn't funny...

... unless everyone gets it.

The Brit asked his Chinese friend "What's your favorite thing about Communism?" He smiled and said


I want to give communism a chance

but there's too many red flags

A little son asks his father what a communism is...

...and the father starts explaining:

"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it wa...

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

Stalin should have known that communism wouldn't work.

There were red flags everywhere.

Communism sounds good on paper...

..unless you’re reading a history book.

I took a communism test today.

I got full Marx

It should be obvious to everyone that communism won't work.

I mean seriously, there were so many red flags.

In capitalism, man exploits man

In communism, it's the other way round.

Geometry teachers are oddly obsessed with communism

they are always talking about marks and angles

What does communism and rain have in common?

Sooner or later they all fall

I know a joke about food during communism

But I think no one will get it

You know who says they'd love to live under communism?

People who don't live under communism.

Everyone says communism is a bad idea .

But I'm weirdly attracted to it.

It must be because of all the red flags.

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Communism Joke

Y'know why Communism isn't gay?

The KGB would have shot it by now.

Why is communism the best?

Because when you replace "I" with "we", even illness becomes wellness

The Russian people were constantly hounding the government to tell them when they would finally reach true communism.

Because of this, the government got the leading scientists to input hundreds of statistics, such as ground fertility, rainfall, public relations, international relations and population into the best computer in Russia. They waited 4 nights for the answer: 23 kilometres. It puzzled the many politicia...

How much fun can you have with communism?

Ours of fun

Why is Communism like Internet Explorer?

They both make you look for alternatives!

Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food

A lecturer visits a Soviet mental hospital

He gives a lecture about how great communism is. Everyone claps loudly except for one person who stays quiet. The lecturer asks, "Why aren't you clapping?" and the person replies: "I only work here."

You know I would tell y’all a communism joke,

But it wouldn’t be funny unless everyone got it.

What did the Russian say when he lost the argument against communism?


5 people that think communism is good walk into a bar...

The bartender says “We don’t serve alcohol to people under 18”

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

7 Great Wonders of Communism:

1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everyth...

I will admit Communism isn’t all bad.

It sure as hell would fix America’s obesity problem

If communism was time

it'd be hours.

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

How Communism would make children less annoying:

Child: "Dad, was that thing once yours?"

Dad: "Son, now it's OURS. There is no 'y' in communism."


What time does Communism work?

The next time for sure, we didn't do it properly this time.

What do you call a sniper that supports communism?

A Marxman

[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?

In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!

A country which is so opposed to communism

Is itself named us

What did the Czechs use to heat their home before Communism?


All my relationships were like communism..

They never succeeded.

Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise

There were many red flags

I don’t understand why the young people today fail to see the dangers of communism.

I mean come on, there are so many red flags!

There is only one thing I hate more than communism.

And that's people who are more prosperous than me.

Why did it take so long to make communism?

cause they were Stalin

Communism is like tax evasion

At first it seems great, but at the end of the day you‘re going to have government agents knocking at your door.


I shouldn't try this joke, it never works.

My son told me he wants to be a preacher when he grows up, because he enjoys seeing everyone come together in "communism".

Me: I think you mean "communion."

Him: No. I mean communism:

complete strangers standing up for something they believe in even if they don't understand it;
They give money to an entity even though he/she doesn't have the need for it.
And that entity allows his/her people to suff...

If i had a USD for every time that communism had worked

I'd get a Chinese Yuan.

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

in the next 50 years we will all be living under communism

because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.

A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism

“Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!” A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream.” The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”

Say what you want about communism.

...and you'll probably get poisoned.

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Communism is a timeless dream

So one night I was having a weird dream. I was transported into a communist USA, and everything looked completely different. I lost an item important to me that kept track of time with sand and saw someone across the street that had it.

I told him, “ Sir, that is my glass”.

Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it’s not capitalized

Communism never killed anyone.

They died due to starvation.

Veganism is like Communism...

They both are ridiculed by people who refuse to try them.

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

Communism is like a deadbeat dad.

No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.

Communism is like fire OC

It looks great on paper, but let it run wild and it’ll destroy everything

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.

/r/Jokes, what's with all the communism jokes?

Quit Stalin and think up some new ones!

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