Communism Jokes - 65 Hilarious Communism Jokes

How funny are jokes about communism?

Equally as funny as any other joke.

Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

Communism sounds good on paper...

...unless you’re reading a history book.

People really should have known what was going to happen with Communism

There were so many red flags

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example...

I know a joke about food during communism

But I think no one will get it

A little son asks his father what a communism is...

...and the father starts explaining:

"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it wa...

Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food

Communism jokes aren't funny.

Unless everyone gets them.

Of rain, snow, and communism.

A soviet couple was walking on the red square in Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said.

Well, as these things go, they...

Geometry teachers are oddly obsessed with communism

they are always talking about marks and angles

You know who says they'd love to live under communism?

People who don't live under communism.

I wrote an essay on communism

Teacher gave me good Marx.

7 Great Wonders of Communism:

1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everyth...

Communism

I shouldn't try this joke, it never works.

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

What will happen to your iPhone under Communism?

There won't be any iPhones, but you will have an UsPhone.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin and communism

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

Why is Communism like Internet Explorer?

They both make you look for alternatives!

5 people that think communism is good walk into a bar...

The bartender says “We don’t serve alcohol to people under 18”

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

I need help with a 17 year old joke about Jello and Communism

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban...

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Russian jokes under communism

To alleviate the perennial shortages of butter, The Politburo of the Communist Party ordered the Soviet scientists to develop a technology for converting shit into butter, and to complete this project on or before the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution. After six months of work, t...

I made a meme about communism

But then I realized that to be more accurate it should be called an “usus” instead of a “meme”

Communism works!

In Soviet Russia, a citizen was standing in line to buy a car. When he finally reached the front of the line he specified the color he wanted and paid the full cost of the car.
The man at the counter took his money and asked him to come back in 5 years to pick up his car.
The citizen asked whe...

Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise

There were many red flags

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

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Communism Joke

Y'know why Communism isn't gay?

The KGB would have shot it by now.

In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .

. . . lousy Marx

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

(Old joke) A Polish man is in the bread line

A guy pops his head out and says, "sorry, but we are out of bread." The Pole in line begins shouting: "I have lived in this country all my life! I have lived my life for Communism! Now I have no bread after waiting in line for 2 hours! What were we fighting for? Communism sucks! I hate this country!...

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

I studied communism at school

Got nice Marx

Why is communism the best?

Because when you replace "I" with "we", even illness becomes wellness

Why did it take so long to make communism?

cause they were Stalin

Communism never killed anyone.

They died due to starvation.

I just finished a book in braille that said communism was the best political system

I mean it didn’t say it directly, but I could feel between the lines.

Everyone says communism is a bad idea .

But I'm weirdly attracted to it.

It must be because of all the red flags.

All my relationships were like communism..

They never succeeded.

What time does Communism work?

The next time for sure, we didn't do it properly this time.

Say what you want about communism.

...and you'll probably get poisoned.

If communism was time

it'd be hours.

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

My art is like communism.

Fantastic in theory, mediocre in practice, messy in result.

[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?

In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!

What do you call a sniper that supports communism?

A Marxman

I don't know why people hate Communism; In fact, I wrote a nice poem about it!

*H*appiness all around
*E*veryone is free
*L*ove fills the air
*P*eople are unbound

*M*aybe you should consider
*E*quality for All

If you want to know more, just send a letter to me. If I don't reply soon, I might be away *intermittent*ly on a nice *camp*ing trip ...

How is communism like geometry?

It's really all about Engels and most people only ever think of marks.

Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it’s not capitalized

Communism doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make dollars either, just distributes them.

How much fun can you have with communism?

Ours of fun

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Communism is a timeless dream

So one night I was having a weird dream. I was transported into a communist USA, and everything looked completely different. I lost an item important to me that kept track of time with sand and saw someone across the street that had it.

I told him, “ Sir, that is my glass”.
<...

Communism is like fire OC

It looks great on paper, but let it run wild and it’ll destroy everything

Communism is like a deadbeat dad.

No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.

You know I would tell y’all a communism joke,

But it wouldn’t be funny unless everyone got it.

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

Veganism is like Communism...

They both are ridiculed by people who refuse to try them.

Communism in Romania.

A homeless child walks into a Romanian store that has relatively empty shelves. He asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, if you don't mind, do you have any bread you can spare for someone hungry?"

The shopkeeper responds, "Sorry man, in this store we don't have any cheese. Next door is where they ...

R/jokes runs like communism...

We share everything, but really there's nothing new to share

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

A country which is so opposed to communism

Is itself named us

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