My chickens were clucking at me

Little did I know, they were using fowl language.

So I went to the airport went up to the counter and went "cluck cluck cluck"

And she said "you want the check-in desk" ...

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After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”

Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “Hmm, perh...

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A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

The mute chicken

Why did the mute chicken leave his cheating girlfriend at the side of the road.

He couldn’t give a cluck

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Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately." ...

What do you call a bunch of racist birds?

The coo clucks clan.

Three prisoners

Three prisoners escape from a chain gang and run off towards a farm. They can hear the guards and the dogs behind them. They stop at the fence and agree to split up to increase the odds of escaping.

One prisoner runs towards the barn, one hides in the hen house, and the third guy heads toward...

A new high-tech, fully automated supermarket opened recently in town.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.


In the meat departmen...

Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?

I thought not. It's not a story the Cities would tell you. It's a Farmers legend. The Chicken was a Dark Lord of the Farm land, so powerful and so wise he could use the cluck to influence the midifarmians to create eggs... The Chicken had such a knowledge of the cluck that he could even keep the one...

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The man who turned into a chicken

John went to bed, kissed his wife goodnight and closed his eyes to sleep.
He suddenly woke up with a jolt and saw an elderly bearded man dressed in a cowl standing next to the bed.
"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my bedroom?", John said.
-"You're not in your bedroom", the m...

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

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A few white chickens have started a group that hates black chickens.

They called it the Klu Clucks Klan.

I was trying to come up with a name for my group of mystery-solving chickens

Apparently the Clue Clucks Clan was already taken.

What is Superchicken's secret identity?

Cluck Kent

^(My eight year old told me he made that up.)

A town has recently been overrun by a horde of chickens

Officials have been calling it a complete cluster cluck

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?

They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

A chicken walks into a bar

and clucks at the bartender. The bartender says, "No fowl language allowed"

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The chicken says..

The chicken says, "Cluck!"

The dog goes, "Woof!"

The cat goes, "Meow!"

The cow goes, "Get yer FUCKIN SHIT TOGETHER RANDY!"

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance. ^Let ^it ^sink ^in.

BIRDMAN

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "We need the eggs."

Pat the Irish immigrant died in a freak mining accident...

...leaving Kathleen, his young wife, near mad with grief. After the burial, Kathleen's mother drew her aside, and took her in her arms, and rocked her as she wept, and tried to comfort her:

"But think on what a grand man he was, Kathleen! Weren't they all saying at the wake as that Pat was a ...

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