Cluck Jokes - 51 Hilarious Cluck Jokes

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A man walks into an airport and says "cluck cluck bacawk"

...and the woman says "no sir, this is the *check*-in desk"

Cluck cluck!

This is a spoken joke really. Try it yourself!

**"Why did the chicken cross the road?"**

"I don’t know"

**"To get to the idiot’s house"**

"Oh... ermmmm"

"..."

"..."

**"Knock knock"**

"Who’s there?"

**"CHICKEN!!"**

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A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one evening...

The man tells his wife, "I read an article that says humans are the only species where the females can have an orgasm."

"Prove it" She replied flirtatious.

"Well... alright, here goes..."

He walked out and returned a few hours later.

"The sheep didn't, the horse didn't, ...

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Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately." ...

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After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”

Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “Hmm, perh...

So I went to the airport went up to the counter and went "cluck cluck cluck"

And she said "you want the check-in desk" ...

My chickens were clucking at me

Little did I know, they were using fowl language.

What goes cluck, cluck, cluck, boom?

A chicken stepping on a landmine.

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What do you call a dog that clucks like a chicken?

A cock-er spaniel

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A mail order bride and the butcher . . .

A rich, American man had bad luck with women and finally decided to find a mail order bride from Russia. She arrived a few weeks after his order was made, and they got married and lived happily in a rich Connecticut suburb.

Though the poor lady was not very proficient in English, she did mana...

A dyslexic cat broke into a hen house

It was an absolute fluster cluck

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

After 50+ years of "Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes, someone finally decided to just ask the chicken.

The chicken looked up, clucked twice, and said "What's a road?".

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

There's a name for a group of racist birds

It's called the Coo Clucks Clan

What do you call a gang of racist chickens?

The cluck cluck clan.

Did you hear about the hate-group whose members are mainly doves and chickens?

It's called the Coo Clucks Clan.

How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A cluck ton!

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A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

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My daughter saw me eating prosciutto

True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."

I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"

"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

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Funny.

A labourer applies for a job on a farm.

The farmer asked him if he had experience and what he was particularly good at.

The labourer gave him his CV and said that he could actually communicate with animals.

The farmer wanted to test him and took him to the chicken shed.

O...

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What's the difference between a panicked chicken and the US/UK/Brazil response to Covid?

One's a flustered cluck...

>!The other's a clusterfuck!!<

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

What group does a racist chicken belong to?

The ku clucks klan

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a chicken?

A chicken clucks defiant.

BIRDMAN

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "We need the eggs."

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How do you measure chicken shit?

By the cluck-ton

I never use fowl language

I just don't give a cluck

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Ever been to a turkey orgy? #NSFW

A cluck’n’fuck

What did the chicken do at the end of his shift?

He clucked out.

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives?

They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

The mute chicken

Why did the mute chicken leave his cheating girlfriend at the side of the road.

He couldn’t give a cluck

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The man who turned into a chicken

John went to bed, kissed his wife goodnight and closed his eyes to sleep.
He suddenly woke up with a jolt and saw an elderly bearded man dressed in a cowl standing next to the bed.
"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my bedroom?", John said.
-"You're not in your bedroom", the m...

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

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Appolcolypse

A zombie apocalypse had enveloped the earth. 99.9% of the world’s population had been annihilated and Carl, lone survivor, was venturing the land looking for somewhere to take shelter.

One day, he came across a prison. The place was full of people armed with swords, spears, axes and all kin...

What is Superchicken's secret identity?

Cluck Kent

^(My eight year old told me he made that up.)

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A few white chickens have started a group that hates black chickens.

They called it the Klu Clucks Klan.

A chicken walks into a bar

and clucks at the bartender. The bartender says, "No fowl language allowed"

The difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

When the rooster wakes, his primal urge is to cluck defiance.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance. ^Let ^it ^sink ^in.

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A man enters a restaurant in a foreign country...

...he doesn't speak the language, but he tries to order breakfast anyway. He makes a slicing motion, then moves his finger like he is spreading butter on a slice of toast. The server understands this and notes it down.

He then clucks like a chicken and pretends to crack and beat an egg. The s...

Three prisoners

Three prisoners escape from a chain gang and run off towards a farm. They can hear the guards and the dogs behind them. They stop at the fence and agree to split up to increase the odds of escaping.

One prisoner runs towards the barn, one hides in the hen house, and the third guy heads toward...

The cook promised a chicken that he will spare its life if it can guess their location.

In a state of panic, the chicken asked "What's going to happen to my family?!" The cook looked down with disappointment smeared on his face. "Help! Help!" the chicken clucked for his final minutes have arrived. "I need your guess now," said the cook as the deep frier began to sizzle. "A volcano, the...

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A boy is carrying something past an old man on his porch...

The old man sees him and says "Boy, what'cha got there?"

"Duck tape old man. Imma catch me some ducks!"

"You can't catch ducks with no duck tape." says the old man.

The boy doesn't listen and walks on. 5 minutes later the boy comes back with 10 ducks all caught up in the tape a...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman wake up in a barn.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman wake up in a barn after a particularly wild night on the town.

The farmer, on his morning rounds, hears the commotion and slowly opens the barn door, shotgun in hand.The three quickly hide behind a bale of hay and attempt to convince the farmer that ...

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

 

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

 

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

 

"You see, that ott...

Pat the Irish immigrant died in a freak mining accident...

...leaving Kathleen, his young wife, near mad with grief. After the burial, Kathleen's mother drew her aside, and took her in her arms, and rocked her as she wept, and tried to comfort her:

"But think on what a grand man he was, Kathleen! Weren't they all saying at the wake as that Pat was a ...

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The story of horse and chicken (long)

Horse and chicken were the best of friends and loved to play together all day on the farm.
one day, while playing near the swamp, horse gets too rambunctious and falls in the swamp up to his neck. Slowly he starts to sink, and as he sinks, he starts yelling to chicken. "chicken! chicken! quick...

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Sex mad rooster!

There is this farmer and one day he goes into the chicken coop and the rooster says to him "dude I am gagging for a fuck" so he takes the rooster into the hen hutch next door and closes the door, moments later there is a huge commotion, feathers fly out the window there is raucous clucking and crowi...

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

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