Clarity Jokes - 37 Hilarious Clarity Jokes

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After masturbating post nut clarity hit hard

I guess you could say I came to my senses

What do you call the opposite of post nut clarity?

Precumceived notions

I’ve never experienced post-nut clarity.

Maybe I should switch from pecans to pistachios.

If beating your meat can help you get Post-nut Clarity, maybe it is better do it twice for really important decisions to have

Two-Fapper Authentication

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

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"I can't think until after I ejaculate,"

I came to realize.

*edit:* thank you for the awards! My mom's going to be so proud I got my first ones on a pun about post-nut clarity!

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!

 

 

 

### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Ladies I have some wisdom for you. When you meet that special man, when you meet that Mr. Right, it's not just about the size...

It's also about the cut,

the color, and the clarity.

A man divorced his wife after realising he never really loved her.

He had post-nup clarity.

After the dalmation knocked up the neighbor's Jack Russell...

...he experienced post-mutt clarity.

I met a girl named Clarity

She gave me mixed signals

I uploaded a picture of a walnut but people complained that it was too blurry.

Now I have to deal with the nut post clarity.

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What Happens When a Spirit Masturbates ?

It gets ghost nut clarity.

Yo Mama jokes hit differently when you're Indian

Like are you dissing my mum or my uncle? I need clarity

Did you know?

Did you know: A squirrel's brain actually increases in size during winter to remember where they buried their nuts.

...

The technical term for it is post-nut clarity

What's the feeling you get after polishing a peanut?

Post nut clarity.

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

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If possible, before making any major decision, jack off . . .

It'll make you cum to your senses. This my friends is called known as '*post-nut clarity'.*

The Devil burst through the floor of a church in Brooklyn

He starts roaring and shouting in everyone's face saying, "DOOMS DAY HAS COME AND ALL YOUR SOULS ARE NOW MINE!" And he begins to laugh maniacally.
Everybody runs out screaming in terror except for one old dude who is giving him the evil eye. So The Devils gets right in face and roars his loudest ...

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.

"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.

"Granted," the genie says as he disappears,...

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

I was in a Thai strip club.

After flirting with one of the workers, I suggested we go to the bathroom together.

"Ooo, what for, honey?" she winked.

I said, "Clarity."

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I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

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Golf humor

A man in his mid-twenties entered a confessional, made the sign of the cross, and announced, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been three years since my last confession.” The priest replied, “What is your sin, my child?”
“Well,” the young man began, “I used profane language and I feel ter...

A Mexican walks into a Chinese restaurant and picks up a bottle of black sauce and seeing the label...

...he exclaims "Yes. You are!"

Resubmitted for clarity.

Credit for original joke to u/TooShiftyForYou.

Somethings You Can't Explain.

So a farmer walks into a bar and orders 15 shots.
The bartender asks "why are you getting wasted on such a beautiful day"
The farmer replies "Somethings you can't explain to your wife.."
The Bartender says" well you can try explain to me"
The farmer sighs and says
"You see I was milki...

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Joe is talking to his friend Danny...

He goes, "You gotta help me man, I want to stop making bad decisions. It started with drugs, alcohol, and now I can't even stop myself from buying shit off Amazon that I don't need!"

Danny says,"I have a simple trick. Everytime I'm about to make a big spending decision, I have a wank.If I...

So, I saw Simba walking today..

and he was walking too slow. So I told him "C'mon! Mufasa"!

Edited for a bit more for clarity..

what do rappers use to keep their sneakers so white?

**bleeatch!**

ok, first, it's not my joke, and second, it doesn't have the same effect in print, context needed;

My ex-gf was meeting my family for the first time, she was nervous, so decided to tell some 'sweet jokes' at dinner.. imagine this coming from a cute 5ft ginger girl, co...

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A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

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A sex-reassignment specialist is trying to simplify the names of surgical procedures...

He takes his nurse aside and explains "Lots of people come in here and get confused and intimidated by the medical jargon we use to explain the operations. From now on I want you to call male-to-female procedures "misterectomies".

The nurse is somewhat perturbed, but the specialist reassures...

A woman walks into a pet store...

And eyes a beautiful parrot with a muzzle on its beak. She's curious about the muzzle and asks a clerk why the parrot was muzzled. The clerk tells her that the parrot once belonged to a very salty pirate and that it has the filthiest mouth he's ever heard.
She sees the possibility of a discount ...

A boy is struggling with his exams...

He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some ki...

3 idiot brothers are trying out for a job as a police detective...

so the officer gives them a test. They are given a side profile head shot of a robber and they are asked how they will recognize him outside.
The first brother says, 'This guy has only one eye', the officer sighs and says that it only looks that way since its a shot of his profile and fires him ...

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A 50 year old single woman goes to the doctor...

She tells the Doctor that she's a virgin, and that she's never even been kissed. She's asked all her friends why she's never been approached, none of them have been able to explain it to her. She just turned 50, and she's sure it must be some sort of medical problem.

The doctor says he'll do ...

There are two guys sitting in a bar, and one is complaining that he hasn't had any for a while.

The other man, sympathizes, and tells him of a 'place' he can go to get some relief. He also recommends "Stella" for his new friend.

'Stella?' the desperate one asks.
'
Trust me,' the other guy says. 'Stella gives the best blow-job
on the planet. The amazing thing is, half-way throug...

One big happy family.

My wife and I got married last summer, we were together since we were teens, she was the only person that wanted to be with me, and she was the only one I wanted to be with, other than my best friend ofcource , he’s the only other one I’d spend my time with, and it helped that my friend and my then ...

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