Today I came to realize...

Post nut clarity makes me so much more productive!

I met a girl named Clarity

She gave me mixed signals

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

What's the feeling you get after polishing a peanut?

Post nut clarity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If possible, before making any major decision, jack off . . .

It'll make you cum to your senses. This my friends is called known as '*post-nut clarity'.*

What do you call a grenade dropped in a church?

A weapon of Mass destruction

What Month Is It?

No, not January.

June.

We’ve just seen the end of May.

The Devil burst through the floor of a church in Brooklyn

He starts roaring and shouting in everyone's face saying, "DOOMS DAY HAS COME AND ALL YOUR SOULS ARE NOW MINE!" And he begins to laugh maniacally.
Everybody runs out screaming in terror except for one old dude who is giving him the evil eye. So The Devils gets right in face and roars his loudest ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

Somethings You Can't Explain.

So a farmer walks into a bar and orders 15 shots.
The bartender asks "why are you getting wasted on such a beautiful day"
The farmer replies "Somethings you can't explain to your wife.."
The Bartender says" well you can try explain to me"
The farmer sighs and says
"You see I was milki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

A man finds a magic lamp

A man finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie appears. The genie says I will grant you three wished on the condition that whatever you wish for your ex wife will get double. The man points to the range of hills overlooking the nearby town and says for my first wish I want a mansion built on those hi...

A woman walks into a pet store...

And eyes a beautiful parrot with a muzzle on its beak. She's curious about the muzzle and asks a clerk why the parrot was muzzled. The clerk tells her that the parrot once belonged to a very salty pirate and that it has the filthiest mouth he's ever heard.
She sees the possibility of a discount ...

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.

"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.

"Granted," the genie says as he disappears,...

I was in a Thai strip club.

After flirting with one of the workers, I suggested we go to the bathroom together.

"Ooo, what for, honey?" she winked.

I said, "Clarity."

One big happy family.

My wife and I got married last summer, we were together since we were teens, she was the only person that wanted to be with me, and she was the only one I wanted to be with, other than my best friend ofcource , he’s the only other one I’d spend my time with, and it helped that my friend and my then ...

A Mexican walks into a Chinese restaurant and picks up a bottle of black sauce and seeing the label...

...he exclaims "Yes. You are!"

Resubmitted for clarity.

Credit for original joke to u/TooShiftyForYou.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex-reassignment specialist is trying to simplify the names of surgical procedures...

He takes his nurse aside and explains "Lots of people come in here and get confused and intimidated by the medical jargon we use to explain the operations. From now on I want you to call male-to-female procedures "misterectomies".

The nurse is somewhat perturbed, but the specialist reassures...

A boy is struggling with his exams...

He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some ki...

There are two guys sitting in a bar, and one is complaining that he hasn't had any for a while.

The other man, sympathizes, and tells him of a 'place' he can go to get some relief. He also recommends "Stella" for his new friend.

'Stella?' the desperate one asks.
'
Trust me,' the other guy says. 'Stella gives the best blow-job
on the planet. The amazing thing is, half-way throug...

what do rappers use to keep their sneakers so white?

**bleeatch!**

ok, first, it's not my joke, and second, it doesn't have the same effect in print, context needed;

My ex-gf was meeting my family for the first time, she was nervous, so decided to tell some 'sweet jokes' at dinner.. imagine this coming from a cute 5ft ginger girl, co...

3 idiot brothers are trying out for a job as a police detective...

so the officer gives them a test. They are given a side profile head shot of a robber and they are asked how they will recognize him outside.
The first brother says, 'This guy has only one eye', the officer sighs and says that it only looks that way since its a shot of his profile and fires him ...

So, I saw Simba walking today..

and he was walking too slow. So I told him "C'mon! Mufasa"!

Edited for a bit more for clarity..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old single woman goes to the doctor...

She tells the Doctor that she's a virgin, and that she's never even been kissed. She's asked all her friends why she's never been approached, none of them have been able to explain it to her. She just turned 50, and she's sure it must be some sort of medical problem.

The doctor says he'll do ...

Bill O'Reilly was considering doing a few of his shows in a foreign country.

And he was going through a list of possible countries to choose. He eventually settles on Thailand, now that's obviously not the end of the planning, he then had to decide which city he was going to have his show in and whether he should do prerecorded shows or if he'd host in a stadium in front of ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.