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Cleaned Jokes

Susy Q needs her dress cleaned

She goes to the laundry mat and Old Man Jon who runs it is half deaf, can't hear real well. When she walks in Old Man Jon says "Hey Susy Q what can I do for you?" She says "I need to get my dress cleaned."
Jon: "Come again?"
Susy Q: "No its icing."

I'm rather ashamed to say I haven't cleaned my mirror in years.

It reflects badly on me.

Mary cleaned Marsha's house. Marsha cleaned Mary's house.

They both were maid for each other

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Upstairs in our house is cleaned fairly well.

The basement is another story.

I just cleaned my spectacles.

To see in the new year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde is dropping her dress off to be cleaned.

She hands the dress to the clerk who says thank you.

As the blonde walks out the clerk says "come again!"

The blonde turns and says "it's toothpaste this time you bitch!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having their babies. Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said "congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, 5 big baby boys."

The redneck said "I am not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney." The nurse replied, "you might want to get it cleaned because they are all black."

Everyone cheered when Hercules cleaned the Aegean Stables.

Everyone except the people living downstream.

I cleaned out the attic with my friend yesterday

Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of his hair!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

I cleaned my fan today

The difference it made just blew me away...

What do you call it when you get cleaned up right before someone eats you out?

An amuse-douche.

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

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Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”

I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...

I cleaned my electric fence this morning.

I was shocked that I was able to get it fully clean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homeless woman

I found a homeless woman behind a dumpster today. I took her home and got her cleaned up. Gave her a bath etc. She was actually quite pretty after this. Things got hot and heavy and we started to fuck. I don't mind telling you this, with the noises she was making you would think she was still alive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say to the toilet when he cleaned it?

“This thing has really seen some shit!”

My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...

Proud of her savings, she boasted “We’re are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

I replied, “Good, wash it again!”

I had my teeth cleaned and they charged me a lot of unexpected fees.

They were for incidentals.

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

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