My wife decided to trim our household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand...

Proud of her savings, she boasted “We’re are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

I replied, “Good, wash it again!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Upstairs in our house is cleaned fairly well.

The basement is another story.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that the participants of the running of the bulls in Pamplona get so scared that they frequently poop their pants and the streets need to be cleaned frequently.

Turns out it was all bullshit.

What do you call it when you get cleaned up right before someone eats you out?

An amuse-douche.

Blonde Joke

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.


The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young blonde woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.


“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better l...

I just cleaned my spectacles.

To see in the new year.

It was time to get our chimney cleaned so I called a professional chimney sweep. He checks things out and after 10 minutes hands me an estimate. After checking it out I protested. "Twenty five hundred! Are you nuts? I'll clean it myself!

Ok soot yourself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would you buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy hunting gear? He again said no, he stopped hunting 5 years ago.

So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home let you all cleaned up. My wife will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20.
He asked me won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter.
I just wanted her to see what happens to a man whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

Everyone cheered when Hercules cleaned the Aegean Stables.

Everyone except the people living downstream.

Might aswell.

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 mi...

I cleaned out the attic with my friend yesterday

Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of his hair!

A gentleman went to the shoe store.

A gentleman went to the shoe store. The shopkeeper first sanitized his feet well. Then washed by rubbing with water. Then cleaned it thoroughly with towel and put on the shoe.
Gentleman liked the shoe, he paid the price and started walking from the shop.
The shopkeeper asked him: "What else ...

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and notices that the place is mostly empty. Except for one end of the bar, that is. And there he sees a group of women standing around. All kinds of women - beautiful women, plain-looking women, shapely, skinny, fat, short, tall, blondes, brunettes - just about everything. ...

There are 5 places in my house that haven't been cleaned out in years.

I'd better go to the pharmacy and get some laxatives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

When a young woman moves in next door to a married couple

A young woman moves next to a married couple.
One day, the wife looks out of the window and sees the woman hanging her laundry to dry and it's dirty.
She says to her husband "Why is her laundry so dirty? Does she not know how to do laundry properly? Maybe she has bad laundry detergent?"
The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say to the toilet when he cleaned it?

“This thing has really seen some shit!”

Mary cleaned Marsha's house. Marsha cleaned Mary's house.

They both were maid for each other

Women's Convention (A little Long)

Women from around the world gather at this convention to share their stories of how they rekindled their love with their husbands.

A English women approaches the stage and begins, " for five days I told my husband, I will no longer cook for you, make you tea, and do you laundry. The first day...

A group of Americans were touring Ireland

One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said if this post gets 1,000 likes, I can get Anal on my cake day

So please upvote because this house hasn’t been cleaned in months and I want it spotless!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.