The CDC recommends you disinfect the areas you touch most.

I don’t recommend it because it does burn.

My friend has been injecting disinfectant since that advice was given out...

He got addicted to it and has been working hard to kick the habit. You’ll be glad to hear he is clean now.

Trump recommends injections with disinfectant to save thousands

True if he does it first.

I don't need to inject disinfectant

I'm still protected by that Tide pod I ate two years ago.

Well, if you inject yourself with bleach and disinfectant...

I guarantee you won’t die of Covid-19

Do you know what the scientific term is for injecting disinfectant?

Embalming

I, for one, fully condone injecting yourself with a generous amount of disinfectant.

It will definitely make COVID-19 the least of your worries.

My body has absorbed so much soap and water, hand sanitizer & disinfectant....

... that when I pee I clean the toilet.

A Lysol commercial said I should disinfect the thing I touch the most.

I think this is gonna burn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American battleship is on a shore during WWII.

The people on the ship are discussing a plan to destroy a 1000 person Nazi battleship nearby. No one can come up with a good plan, and they're worried the Nazis will attack before them. Just then, the janitor on the ship asked if he could share his plan, and no one objected.

The janitor says,...

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H20, too.”

The bartender says, “You damn fool! Don't ingest disinfectants! You’re supposed to be scientists—act like it, for pity’s sake. And how’d you even find an open bar violating the stay-at-home order?”

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

Trump brings back the Tide Pods challenge to fight against the Coronavirus

What? It's a disinfectant...

Swingers

I tell you how bad things are....I went to this swinger's party last night and we all chucked our car keys into a bowl of disinfectant.

How do i give my cat a pill?

Grab your cat and place it around your arm as if you were holding a baby. Place your right index finger and thumb on both sides of the cat's mouth and gently apply some pressure while holding the pill in the other hand. As soon as your cat opens the mouth, throw the pill in and give the cat the oppo...

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

A general inspecting the troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out.

After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at parade.

The gene...

I don't understand why Windex didn't get rid of my computer virus.

I was told it's great at disinfecting Windows!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was approached by a lady today...

I was approached by a lady today. She offered me sex if I advertise a product on reddit. Naturally, I declined because my morals are very strong. Miracle Spray strong. From the kitchen to the bathroom and everywhere in between, Miracle Spray disinfectant is formulated to tackle your toughest situati...

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