This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

A guy walks into a prison

He gets off the bus and he meets this big brute infringe of him. The brute says
“What’s your crime and where are you from?”
The guy responds :
“Well I’m from Bradford, and I commuted arsine, but why? What do you need that for?”
The brute says: “well we all have nicknames, made from our c...

I got arrested for asking around for advice on money laundering

I don’t get it.

During this COVID-19 pandemic, I thought the least I could do to stay safe was to disinfect my money.

A spy, an adulterer, and a guy who launders money for the Russian mob walk into a bar...

The bartender says "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

The value of French Impressionism...

...is largely determined by Monet Laundering.

Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner

She tells the man behind the counter that she has a dress that needs laundered. The hard-of-hearing man responds with "come again?" Ms. Lewinsky replies with "No, just mayonnaise this time."

I've been laundering money for a few months now.

Seriously, this quarter has been in my washer for months

I have recently been involved in money laundering...

I had some coins in my pocket which I didn't realise untill there was a ticking sound coming from the dryer.

I accidentally laundered my headphones today

Now they smell nice and I'm getting some really clean sound.

Money Laundering

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's Donald.

My mom washed my wallet on accident.

Asked me “is that what you call laundering money”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M

She was greeted by the Bank Manager.

Manager: "Good morning, ma'am! That's quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?"

Granny: "I have a knack in gambling. These are my winnings."

M: "I have no doubt. However, our policies prevents us from accepting it due to anti money-...

Today I accidentally put my wallet in the washing machine

I suppose I'm now a money launderer

What's the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

The police get a call about a house two blocks away when on the night shift...

The caller doesn't say much but she says she often sees lots of money coming and going from the house and hears machines running all night and day.

The police put together a swat team just in case things go sideways.

They bust down the door to the house and find row upon row of washin...

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.


He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...

Little Tony was the son of a well respected Mob boss.

One day, the Mob boss decides he wants to test his son to see if the boy has what it takes to lead the family business. "Little Tony," he asks. "If you received stolen money, and you were looking for a place to hide it, where would you stash it so the cops could never get it?"

Little Tony thi...

My dad had the ultimate dad joke...

When we were little, he'd tell us how we had to remember to take our wallets out of our jeans when we put in the washing machine.

Because that's laundering money.

Forgetting to check your pockets for money before washing clothes could land you in some trouble.

Laundering money is illegal.

Can you explain this strange adoption joke?

A close friend of mine who is my eldest daughter's godmother just posted a very strange joke that references adoption. There must be something to this joke that I am completely missing. Thirty people have gone wild over this and I don't get it. My friend can't possibly be saying something offensive ...

The Donald

President Trump walks into a local bank in New York to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" ...

Did you hear about that shady massage parlor run by bears?

Yeah, turns out it was just a front for honey laundering

A man was at the laundromat

to do his laundry. He saw that it was going to take a few hours so he went to Subway to grab a bite. He was about to pay when he realized he left his wallet at the laundromat.

He went back and he saw police cars around. The man was arrested.

"Money laundering is illegal, buddy", said t...

I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets.

They charged me for laundering money.

My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.

I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"

She said, "Money laundering."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I turned myself into the police.

The Crime? Money Laundering. I just couldn't take it anymore, the guilt was eating at me and I needed to finally face my crimes.

I went into the station and explained that I had been money laundering for decades. They said they wanted an official statement and sat me down in a room with a tab...

Why does the buck stop with Trump?

After that, it gets laundered and is untraceable

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

A woman went to the dry-cleaners...

...to pick up a dress she'd had laundered.

The man behind the counter hands over her garment and just as she's about to leave he says "come again".

With that the woman turns round and says "no, it was just toothpaste this time".

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.