Let me tell you a little story about a criminal.

So in Thailand there was a gangster named "Mr. Phoon.", and one day he was passing through a small village that was home to a man he had had "taken care of", when the man had tried to interfere with the flow of Mr. Phoon's drugs into the town.

Now it was a stormy day, and some of the famil...

Civilians call it a bathroom

Civilians call it a bathroom, because they take baths in it,

The airforce calls it a lavatory, because they use it to freshen up,

The army calls it a latrine, because they use it to take a dump...

So why does the navy call it a head?

A blind cop walks up to a crowd of civilians around a crime scene.

“Move it along everyone, nothing to see here.”

where did the civilians go during the bombing?

everywhere.

A woman started attacking civilians with an axe. Cops were present, but did nothing.

They were stunned by her cleavage.

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."



Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

A town floods and there is a religious man stuck on his ceiling.

On the first day a boat with other civilians passes by and asks if they want to go with them to safety. The man replies with “God will supply me and be my savior”. The next day firefighters come by in a rescue boat and asks the man if he wants help. He again replies “God will supply me and be my sav...

How many Chinese leaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they prefer it when their civilians are in the dark about everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

One day, Keanu Reeves is leaving his house...

On his way out, his home is surrounded by paparazzi. Looking into the crowds, he sees 20 people or so, and standing in between all of them, is a rather large machine. He hides his face and quickly rushes to his car.

Keanu, knowing how to elude the paparazzi where possible, drives a rather ro...

A blonde and a brunette are watching the news.

The newscaster says that two Brazilian civilians were rescued from terrorists the night prior.

The brunette says, “what wonderful news!”

The blonde disagrees: “I don’t know where they expect to move them to - do you have any idea how many a brazillion is??”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Pol pot and George W Bush were...

together in hell sitting around a campfire. They are telling each other stories from the time they were alive and having a great time laughing over the evil things they have done.

As the night goes on, they get into a discussion about who might be the vilest, most evil and most universally ...

Cats and Dogs

God was relieving St. Peter at the Pearly Gates one day when 2 dogs and a cat arrived.

God said to the first dog, a labrador, "Why should I allow you into heaven ?"

The dog replied "I was a loyal dog to my master and I drowned after I had saved his baby son in a flood"

"Excellen...

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are out to brunch in a small town...

A suprised waiter finds them and says "Gee goly, what an honor to meet you." He looks about like a nervous rodent and asks "what are you guys doing here of all places?"
Trump says "We're gonna start WWIII. We're gonna kill a lot of innocent civilians and we're gonna kill a blonde with big tits....

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

The year is 1945...

The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator...

I am looking for other military jokes.

**What's The Difference?**

Do you want to know the difference between the branches of the U.S. military? If you say to them "Secure that building!"

* THE ARMY will go in kicking down doors, lay down suppressive fire, neutralize all hostiles and safely recover any civilians.
* THE...

Hindsight is 20/20.

Or 8:20 PM, for the civilians out there.

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