Contractors Jokes

The US president asked for estimates from contractors from different countries to paint the White House.

The Chinese contractor estimates three million dollars.

And the European contractor said the cost was seven million dollars

And then the Pakistani contractor made an estima... read more

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
... read more

Seasoned professionals

Because caulk fighting is illegal.

The carpenters get hammered, the plumbers end up tanked, the drywall installers are always plastered by the end of the night, the electricians get buzzed, the masons get stoned, and the roofers are high. The only responsible ones are the heavy equipment operators but they’re always trying to plow yo... read more

They go to purgatory.

Once a week Satan comes down, waves, and hollers, "Guys, don't worry. You'll be out of here next week. I promise!"

Because they always take a fence

I'll let you know when one of them calls me back.

They're up all night to get Lockheed.

Donald Trump is looking to paint the White House. He asks Chinese contractors how much they would charge. They say 3 million. He asks European contractors how much they would charge. They say 7 million. He asks Ecuadorian contractors how much they would charge. They say 10 million.

Trump ... read more

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor... read more

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the c... read more

A Mayor in a small town is trying to secure bids to repair the town's Main Street Bridge. He finds three contractors - one from Cincinnati, one from New York, and one from Washington, D.C. - and invites them all to town to bid on the job.

The Cincinnati man arrives first, inspects the job si... read more

Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.

Everything's running smoothly, production is typical.

And then the factory explodes.

"This is bad," his wife says, "We have to get this factory rebuilt. We have to get production back on schedule. How long is it going take?"

The man pores over the papers for a moment, types som... read more

Donald Trump is campaigning in Kansas. Suddenly, without a warning, there's a giant tornado and he’s turning, tumbling, and transported to a strange and distant field.

He calls for help but nobody answers. He tries his phone but there’s no signal. He waits for the Secret Service to come pick ... read more