Afghan Jokes - 46 Hilarious Afghan Jokes

An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...

He is immediately stopped by Pakistani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"

Afg...

Just an inch !

An American, an Afghan and an Frenchman sitting outside a bar, keep arguing about how their country is more advanced. A heated debate between the American and Frenchman continues whilst the Afghan can't seem to beat either of them and seems visibly frustrated.
" Our military is so advanced that ...

An Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets another man going the opposite way.

"Salam aleikum, brother" he says.

"Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed.

"Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man.

Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefiel...

Why do Afghans have to listen to the radio?

Because of the tele-ban

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

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What do you call an afghan virgin?

Never bin laid on

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What is the differnce between an afghan Soldier and a Woman ?

The Woman has the balls to oppose the Taliban.

What did the Afghans get when too many of them were counting?

The tally ban.

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Afghan Lament

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit at a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there and the nervous Sergeant replied, "Sir, as you know, there a...

A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm...

That's just a blanket statement.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Two families meet on the road in the middle of the Afghan desert

"Peace be with you,brother ", says one man, "pray, tell me, why is your wife walking in front of you, when the Coran says the woman must follow her man"

"Well, when the Coran was written, there were no antipersonnel mines buried in the desert"

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towel ban?

For years I thought the Afghan people were under a towel ban. I didn't understand it, Like "hey the towel ban are making everone air dry after a shower, fucking towel ban!"

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Afghan shaking a carpet

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?

Amhere.
What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwel.
What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwell Azhim. :)

One day 3 immigrants

One day 3 immigrants were sitting in a bar: A Syrian, an Afghan and a Turkish

The Syrian finishes his beer, throws the glass in the air and shoots it with his gun. As pieces of glass are raining on them he says "In Syria glasses were so cheap that we never drank from the same glass twice"
...

A man sees a dog mauling a small girl...

...and runs over to help. After the girl gets away, a nearby journalist comes to the man and says "That was incredible! Tomorrow, the headlines will read 'Brave New Yorker Saves Girl'", to which the man replies "But I am not a New Yorker." The journalist then says "Then they will read 'Brave America...

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Two Muslim families move from Afghanistan to the US....

The fathers in each family make a bet to see who could be more Americanized after one year.

They meet a year later and the first father says, "I just took my son to baseball practice, had McDonalds for breakfast and I've racked up more debt than I'll ever be able to pay off."

The seco...

Why do Afghans dislike being stereotyped?

They hate people making blanket statements about them.

The war in Afghanistan ended after 20 years, who won?

Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin

Where does an Afghan boy go during a drone strike?

Everywhere.

An Afghan soldier called me earlier and told me he was in a refugee camp...

...but when he told it to me, he said he was caught between Iraq and a hard place.

Why can't the Afghani girl tell everyone the amount of guys she's slept with?

Because there's a Tally ban keeping her from doing so.

Why are people from Central Asia so obsessed with Eminem?

Because Afghan is stan.

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

Why can't you keep score in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally-ban

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Taliban

Two afghans fleeing the Taliban
A1: Hurry! We've to leave now.
A2: What about the goats?
A1: Fuck the goats!
A2: Really? Do we still have the time?

There's a Marine in Afghanistan

A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.

So, the marine did what an...

A competition is held to determine who is the world's best magician

David Blaine performs first with his famous trick. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the card disappears.

David Copperfield performs next. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the Statue of Liberty disappears.

Finally, a guy with a beard dressed in rags and sandals comes on stage. Nobody expe...

What do call a bunch of middle eastern people in a sauna

Afghan sweaters

There were three guys in Hell - Afghan, American, and a Chinese man.

They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Afghan talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Afghanistan to H...

I recently took up knitting...

...and I've gotten really good. I make awesome blankets with beautiful colored patterns. I made a bunch of them, but they're all at my ex-boyfriends house and he's really mad at me. I'm worried he might destroy them or throw them out just to get back at me.

I'm deeply concerned about the safe...

What's the difference between an Afghani Military Base and a Pakistani Elementary School?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

Finding a striker

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson sends scouts out around the world looking for a new talent to hopefully win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Afghani striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Ferguson flies to Afghanistan to watch him and is suitably im...

Back in 1996, Afghanistan was very different.

You see, the only numerical system that Afghanistan used was the tally mark system. That meant that Afghans only counted things in tally marks. This was quite problematic because many people didn't know how to use tally marks correctly. Many mistakes were made and there was generally a lot of confus...

Bush and Powell sit in a bar

The barman approaches them and asks:

'Hello boys, what are you doing here?'

'We're planning the Third World War.'

'Yeah? And what's the plan?'

'We'll kill 30 million Afghans, and a mailman.'

'A mailman? Why do you wanna kill a mailman?'

To which Bush turns t...

Bush and Powell are planning World War 3...

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

The guy asked, "Re...

After reading that Afghanistan had the highest infant mortality rate, this occurred to me.

What do you call Afghan triplets?

Twins!

I am so sorry....

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Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

My grandma was not allowed to bring her knitting needles on the airplane.

They were worried she might knit an afghan.

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One Marine (long)

Out in the middle of the Afghan desert, a whole camp of Taliban soldiers doing whatever Talibans do on their slow days.

Suddenly, the company commander hears this voice yell out "one Marine is better than one-hunert Talibans!". It seems to be coming from behind a rock formation off in the dis...

A beggar in Afghanistan

An Afghan man walks across a busy street when an old lady says ''Please my son, give me $1 in charity.''

''I don't have any.''

''If you don't have that just give a tiny little bit. Praise God, look at your youth, your tie, your strength and beauty. May I be sacrificed for you, just gi...

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A teenager was standing in front of a recruiter, about to sign his life away to the Marines.

The recruiter promised him adventure and action, and the teenager was buying it all up. He finished his training (Semper Fi!) and was immediately given his first posting: he was going to Afghanistan. Being an FNG, the Devil Dog worked long and worked hard, but by the end of his tour, he felt he had ...

A man is very worried about the future...

Anxious with fright, he visits the village soothsayer and asks him what the future holds.

''Hold your hand out for me.''

The man does as requested and the soothsayer looks at the hand, the shapes and patterns intriguing him. A bit cautiously he says ''Your mother in law will die very s...

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