There is a reason Donald Trump thinks he is the Second Coming.

Every time he says something he hears "Jesus Christ..."

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

If Jesus had his second coming, I doubt he’d let anyone crucify him.

Nobody double-crosses Jesus

The second coming. NSFW

One Sunday morning, a woman walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. She says "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest replies, "Tell me what you have done my daughter, and by gods grace you will be forgiven." So she confesses to the priest, "I have become pregnant, and I belie...

A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.

Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.

"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.

I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.

Jesus on his second coming visits POTUS

J: God be with you my son. I'm Jesus..

T: Ok.. So what are you doing on this side of the fence, amigo?

An atheist's response to witnessing the second coming of Christ.

"Well, I'll be damned."

My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming...

My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.

When the second coming happens...

I imagine jesus will be quite cross with us, even if we do nail it.

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

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After witnessing the second coming of Jesus, I have decided to make some serious changes in my life.

I’m never watching Mexican porn again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do jewish men only have sex once a day?

Because they don’t believe in a second coming

The Bible is a great read. That ending - I did not see it coming.

Or that second coming.

One day every Christian woman on the earth became pregnant

Millions of women suddenly all become pregnant at once, the odd thing was that all of the newly pregnant women were Christian so the pope decided to hold a press conference the next day

A man stood up in the crowd and said "look we all know why we're here, do you have any idea why all your fe...

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

He's well hung and there's always a second coming.

Why did Jesus go back to the sperm bank?

It was the second coming.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

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Did you know Jesus has only orgasmed once?

We're still waiting for the second coming.

Christians are all perverted freaks.

They're all waiting for the second coming of Christ.

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

What do you call it when a priest goes for round two?

The second coming

Christian Aliens

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lo...

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I was going to have a wank at the Vatican while I was there on vacation.

But I thought about it and it has probably been done before and I would hate to be seen as the second coming.

What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo?

The second coming of Jesús.

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

What's white and sticky?

What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds?
.
The second coming of the Lord

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