If Jesus had his second coming, I doubt he’d let anyone crucify him.

Nobody double-crosses Jesus

A teenager girl goes for confession and tells the preist that she's pregnant with the second coming.

Naturally, the priest is furious at the implied blasphemy.

"How dare you? That's blasphemy. Explain yourself. How do you know you're pregnant with the second coming?" he thundered.

I... I... I.. I swallowed the first.

My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming...

My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.

An atheist's response to witnessing the second coming of Christ.

"Well, I'll be damned."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After witnessing the second coming of Jesus, I have decided to make some serious changes in my life.

I’m never watching Mexican porn again.

When the second coming happens...

I imagine jesus will be quite cross with us, even if we do nail it.

So the Pope is having a conversation with Aliens from Mars.

Pope: "Do you know Jesus?"

Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."


Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."

Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

Pope: "Chocolate?"

A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do jewish men only have sex once a day?

Because they don’t believe in a second coming

The Bible is a great read. That ending - I did not see it coming.

Or that second coming.

A young Catholic girl goes to confession and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

The Priests asks" In what way have you sinned my child"?

"I am pregnant father, and I think it must be the second coming" The girl replies.

The Priests is puzzled by her remark and says " My child, what makes you think that it has anything to do with the second coming"?

The y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Little Debbie company is trying to make a new snack

In a meeting room, several people are trying to make the new snack everyone will love

a guy who really likes chocolate: what if we made brownies with even more chocolate on them?

everyone couldn't seem to get behind the idea, so they kept trying to find a new idea

a dude who thi...

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

He's well hung and there's always a second coming.

Why did Jesus go back to the sperm bank?

It was the second coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Jesus has only orgasmed once?

We're still waiting for the second coming.

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

The question my Bible teacher couldn't answer [NSFW]

My Bible teacher had an answer to every question, except this one: What's white and hangs from clouds?

She didn't know it was the second Coming of the Lord.

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

What do you call it when a priest goes for round two?

The second coming

Christian Aliens

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to have a wank at the Vatican while I was there on vacation.

But I thought about it and it has probably been done before and I would hate to be seen as the second coming.

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.