An atheist's response to witnessing the second coming of Christ.

"Well, I'll be damned."

What will they call the holiday to commemorate the second coming of Jesus?

Christ Más

At His second coming to Earth, Jesus asks the people: "Do you know who I am?"

They responded: "You are the eschatological manifestation of the deepness of our being. You are the enigma that gives sense to all our interpersonal relationships. You are the cosmological fabric that keeps our minds and our world together."
Jesus goes "Wha..?"

There is a reason Donald Trump thinks he is the Second Coming.

Every time he says something he hears "Jesus Christ..."

If Jesus had his second coming, I doubt he’d let anyone crucify him.

Nobody double-crosses Jesus

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After witnessing the second coming of Jesus, I have decided to make some serious changes in my life.

I’m never watching Mexican porn again.

When the second coming happens...

I imagine jesus will be quite cross with us, even if we do nail it.

The second coming. NSFW

One Sunday morning, a woman walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. She says "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest replies, "Tell me what you have done my daughter, and by gods grace you will be forgiven." So she confesses to the priest, "I have become pregnant, and I belie...

My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming...

My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do jewish men only have sex once a day?

Because they don’t believe in a second coming

Catholic girl goes into confessional

Catholic girl goes into the confessional & says to the priest,
"I think I am pregnant."

He asks, "How did this happen my child?"

"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.

The priest shocked by this statement asks, "What makes you think it
is the second comi...

An alien vessel landed on St Peter's square

An alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome.


A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared.


They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.


After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question m...

The Bible is a great read. That ending - I did not see it coming.

Or that second coming.

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Jesus only ever had one orgasm in his life

We're still waiting for the Second Coming

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

He's well hung and there's always a second coming.

One day every Christian woman on the earth became pregnant

Millions of women suddenly all become pregnant at once, the odd thing was that all of the newly pregnant women were Christian so the pope decided to hold a press conference the next day

A man stood up in the crowd and said "look we all know why we're here, do you have any idea why all your fe...

Joke my 63 year old British dad just told me...

Two American astronauts zoom off to the moon, they land on the moon safely and hop out of the module. They do some routine work, collecting rock samples, checking temperatures and the like.

Then one of them sees a man in the distance sitting on a deck chair wearing a handkerchief with knots o...

Why did Jesus go back to the sperm bank?

It was the second coming.

What do you call it when a priest goes for round two?

The second coming

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