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Religious Person Jokes

What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?

A roamin’ Catholic…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a stupid religious person.

Holy shit.



(This isn't meant to offend anybody.)

What’s a religious person’s favourite weapon?

Nunchucks

In fact, religious persons are not much different from atheists…

There are 4,000 religions in the world.

A religious person believes that 3,999 religions are wrong.

An atheist believes that 4,000 religions are wrong.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a religious person's least favorite room in a house?

Abasement.

PS: this was told to me by a friend, couldn't find it on reddit, so had to make my first jokes post.

Two men and a blonde woman are in death row.

Two men and a blonde woman are in death row. They’ve had their last meals and prepare for what’s coming up. The warden calls one of the men and asks: “How would you like to go? Firing squad, electric chair, or hanging?”

The man thinks hard, and finally decides on the electric chair. After he ...

My mother-in-law just called and said that she suspects smelling gas, asking what she should do.

I told her: you’re such a wonderful and religious person, you should light a candle and pray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy dies and goes to heaven...

He’s a little worried because he’s not a religious person, nor has he ever been a religious person. But Peter greets him, smiling. “Welcome! Come on in!”

Confused, the man asks, “Really? But I’m not religious at all.”

Peter grins and shrugs. “That doesn’t matter,” he says. “Overall, yo...

One morning, an atheist was walking through a beautiful forest

He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled

He saw the river glisten and the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside

He thought to himself: "what a beautiful world mother nature has created"

The atheist had walked a little fu...

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