1000 AD : That root is heathen! Here, say this prayer.
1865 AD : That prayer is superstition! Here, drink this potion.
1935 AD : That potion is snake oil! Here, swallow this pill.
1975 AD : That pill is ineffective! Here take this a...
I am a heathen. I like burning bibles and defiling the name of God. But also I genuinely love giving to charity and always try to be as honest as I can.
I guess that I am just very sincere.
David's life was at a low point.
Seeing no way out, he walked out on a bridge, intending to end it all by leaping off. A woman, driving by in her car, sees David hesitating unsteadily on the wrong side of the railing and realizes what's going on. She stops her car and dashes over, hoping to talk him out of suicide.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
NSFW SO I was going down on my girlfriend...
and I said, "Man your pussy is big."
"Man your pussy is big."
She asked why I said it twice, I told her I didn't.
- *Because some of you heathens have never seen Predator.*
A couple of friars needed to drum up some cash...
...so they decided to start a flower shop in the name of the Lord. Now, these guys were the men of God, so all the people in the village wanted to buy from them, rather than the existing flower shop, which was not affiliated with the church. The owner of the existing flower shop felt this was entire...
I asked my 2 yr old to "give me a minute".
So my 2 y.o. daughter follows me almost *everywhere* around the house. I walked into the bathroom yesterday and sure enough, there she is 5 seconds later. Frustrated, I said, "Can you please just give me 1 minute?" She says, "Huh? Ok." and right when I think she's going to give me a moment of peace ...