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What do Mormons play instead of "Fuck, Marry, Kill"?

Marry, Marry, Marry

Mormons are really nice people. They all smile at you.

Some of them even blink.

what is a mormon missionary’s favorite type of car?

a convertible

Did you hear about the Mormon cat with a speech impediment?

He had nine wives.

A Hindu, Jewish Rabbi, and Mormon Evangelist are lost.

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

A Baptist a Catholic and a Mormon were talking about their families. . .

The Baptist says “I have 4 kids, just one more and I’ll have a basketball team.” The Catholic says “That’s nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I’ll have a football team.” The Mormon says “Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I’ll have a golf course.”

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.



"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Pati...

Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride.

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee.

I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon."

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God invented Mormons so...

...Christians would know how Jews feel.

What do you call a Mormon from Florida?

A Fort Lauderdale saint.

Did you hear about the new movement in the Mormon church?

#MeThree

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all of your beer?

Invite another Mormon over

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

Why do you always invite two Mormons to a party?

Because if you invite only one, he'll drink all the booze.

A mormon went to see “The Book of Mormon”,

he thought the book was better.

What's the difference between Mormons and Baptists?

Baptists say hello to each other in the liquor store

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A Mormon family is checking into a hotel. The father says, “I hope the porn in this room is disabled.”

“No it’s just regular, you weirdo.”

Why did the Mormon elder get in trouble for dating twenty nine year olds?

I mean, there was twenty of them....

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

The dyslexic drug addict became a Mormon...

...when he got hooked on LDS

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were discussing their families.

Jew: I have enough children to start my own baseball team.

Catholic: So What? When my wife delivers in the fall, I can start my own soccer team!

Mormon: I got you all beat. Two more wives and I’ll have my own private golf course.

Why do Mormons get away with murder?

The all share DNA

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't g...

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Mormon missionary visitation

Sunday morning the weather was too cloudy to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when I heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said,

"I'm a Mormon missionairy, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I sa...

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What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Mormon?

Somebody that comes to your house and tells YOU to fuck off.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

What's the difference between the Mormons and Donald Trump?

One has millions of religious zealots that think you're going to Hell and the rest of the world can't stand. The other's a church.

What’s the opposite of a Mormon?

An oxymormon.

A Muslim, a Hindu and a Mormon walk into a bar

The bartender says, "Ah the people you run into when you lose your liquor licence."

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah’s Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

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What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers?

An oxymormon.

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, they keep coming to my house and they aren’t changing anything.

Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

Because 36 is just too many.

An Irishman walks into a Dublin bar, orders three pints of Guinness, and drinks them down, taking a sip from one, then a sip from next, until they are gone.

He then orders three more . The bartender says, "You know,they'd be less likely to go flat if you bought them one at a time."
The man says, "yeah, I know, but I have two brothers, one in the States, one in Australia. When we went our separate ways, we promised each other that we'd all drink this ...

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Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

Mormons believe...

Mormons believe in wife after death.

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What's the difference between a Mormon man and a Muslim man.

A Mormon man gets 72 virgins and THEN kills himself.

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!

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Two Mormons knock on an old Englishman's door...

The old man opens the door and smiles at the two fine gentlemen dressed in white dress shirts and black ties. They say, "Hello, we're with the church of Latter-day Saints and we're here to spread the gospel of God. Do you mind if we come in to speak with you?" The old man replies with a smile, "Sure...

Why do Mormons get married on Black Friday?

Because they get 2 for 1.

What do you call a Mormon gynecologist?

A Box Elder.

Why can't you take a Mormon speed dating?

He'll start pushing all the tables together.

Two Mormon missionaries knock on a door.

A blind lady answers the door and upon learning who they are tells them she wants nothing to do with God or religion and proceeds to slam the door in their faces but the door just bounces right back open. Furious that they would stick their feet in the door she yells at them to go away and slams the...

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Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?

She wanted a high paying missionary position.

What did the Frat boy say when the Mormon handed him a piece of paper?

Bro sure.

What's a Mormon's favorite treat?

Ding Dongs

Joseph Smith sold so many copies of the Book of Mormon

That they made him a prophet.

I couldn't be a Mormon even if I wanted to.

My parents weren't related at all.

Why don't the mormons just open their own Hospital if praying really works?

Because you can't make money off of prayers.

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What's a Mormon's favorite sexual position?

You'd probably think it's missionary, but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance.

A Mormon brags to his friends about spending $5,000 on each of his two wives for Christmas...

"Wasn't that big of me?"

What do Mormons say when they go to the strip club?

Do they come in bulk?

Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon

I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University

What do methheads and Mormons have in common?

They both ride bikes and go on missions.

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How many Mormons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to go on a mission and tell everyone about it!

Edit*: tried to fix the 1 into a 3 but my Reddit app is being a bitch.

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What cell carrier do Mormons use?

Virgin Mobile

Two girls weent for a smoke

Did you hear about the two mormon girls who went to beach to smoke a cigarette away from the watchful eye of their parents? One had never smoked before, and was surprised to see her friend pull two cigarettes out of a condom, where she had them kept away. Her friend explained this was the best way t...

What do you call a man who has 5 dishwashers?

A Mormon.

What do you call a Mormon who switches religion?

A mormoff!

I was researching converting to Mormonism until I found out you have to give them 10% of your income

I guess I'm Jewish.

A man, new to town, walks into a bar and asks for three pints of Guinness, served all at once.

The bartender mentions that he might better enjoy them one at a time, so they don’t get warm, but the man tells him this story:

“You see, I’m an identical triplet, and I just moved here from my hometown. My brothers and I all agreed that every Tuesday night, we would go to the bar and order t...

Where do Mormon deer call home?

Salt Lick City

Two Mormon bishops are going for a walk...

They have been friends for years. One turns and says, "We've been so close for so long. Tell me, hypothetically, if you had two yachts, would you give me one?"

The other bishop says, "Why, you baptised my son! Of course I would give you one!"

"Then tell me, hypothetically, if you had t...

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Did you hear the one about the Mormon porn star?

They spent a year doing missionary work.

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