A Hindu, Jewish Rabbi, and Mormon Evangelist are lost.

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

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God invented Mormons so...

...Christians would know how Jews feel.

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Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee.

I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon."

What do you call a Mormon from Florida?

A Fort Lauderdale saint.

A Baptist a Catholic and a Mormon were talking about their families. . .

The Baptist says “I have 4 kids, just one more and I’ll have a basketball team.” The Catholic says “That’s nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I’ll have a football team.” The Mormon says “Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I’ll have a golf course.”

Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride.

Why do you always invite two Mormons to a party?

Because if you invite only one, he'll drink all the booze.

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

A man, new to town, walks into a bar and asks for three pints of Guinness, served all at once.

The bartender mentions that he might better enjoy them one at a time, so they don’t get warm, but the man tells him this story:

“You see, I’m an identical triplet, and I just moved here from my hometown. My brothers and I all agreed that every Tuesday night, we would go to the bar and order t...

Two girls weent for a smoke

Did you hear about the two mormon girls who went to beach to smoke a cigarette away from the watchful eye of their parents? One had never smoked before, and was surprised to see her friend pull two cigarettes out of a condom, where she had them kept away. Her friend explained this was the best way t...

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all of your beer?

Invite another Mormon over

A mormon went to see “The Book of Mormon”,

he thought the book was better.

What's the difference between Mormons and Baptists?

Baptists say hello to each other in the liquor store

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were discussing their families.

Jew: I have enough children to start my own baseball team.

Catholic: So What? When my wife delivers in the fall, I can start my own soccer team!

Mormon: I got you all beat. Two more wives and I’ll have my own private golf course.

I got really excited when girlfriend asked me to do some edging around her flower garden

Unfortunately her Mormon summer camp experiences were different than mine.

What do you call a man who has 5 dishwashers?

A Mormon.

What’s the opposite of a Mormon?

An oxymormon.

Why did the Mormon elder get in trouble for dating twenty nine year olds?

I mean, there was twenty of them....

Why do Mormons get away with murder?

The all share DNA

The dyslexic drug addict became a Mormon...

...when he got hooked on LDS

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A Mormon family is checking into a hotel. The father says, “I hope the porn in this room is disabled.”

“No it’s just regular, you weirdo.”

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What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Mormon?

Somebody that comes to your house and tells YOU to fuck off.

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Mormon missionary visitation

Sunday morning the weather was too cloudy to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when I heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said,

"I'm a Mormon missionairy, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I sa...

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I just walked in on my wife having sex with my wife.

I love being Mormon!

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

When is the only time a Mormon bets?

When there is a Prophet involved.

A Muslim, a Hindu and a Mormon walk into a bar

The bartender says, "Ah the people you run into when you lose your liquor licence."

A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.

The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.



The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.



The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.



The Christian Scientist can't, but he prays for the light to turn ...

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, they keep coming to my house and they aren’t changing anything.

What do you call Mormons in a relationship?

A few

What's the difference between the Mormons and Donald Trump?

One has millions of religious zealots that think you're going to Hell and the rest of the world can't stand. The other's a church.

Mormons believe...

Mormons believe in wife after death.

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah’s Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze?

Invite two of them!!

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

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A bad man arrives at hell...

He looks around and there's *grass* everywhere! He asks the demon gatekeeper about it and he's told, "the Mormons are irrigating again."

There are three doors at the entrance to hell, and he's told by the demon to choose one to spend eternity behind. "Can I look to see what's behind them," as...

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