The 38+ Best Mormon Jokes

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news. "You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live" he is told.

The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there's anything he should do.

The doctor pauses a moment ...

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Beleive it or not, Mormons do have sex.

Let that fact soak in.

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Mormon missionary visitation

Sunday morning the weather was too cloudy to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when I heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said,

"I'm a Mormon missionairy, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I sa...

A muslim and a Mormon walk into a bar

A muslim and a Mormon walk into a bar, and the bar tender asks what are you doing here

How do you know you're at a Mormon wedding?

The bride isn't pregnant but her mother is

How do you stop a Mormon from drinking all your beer?

Invite a second Mormon.

What's the difference between Mormons and Baptists?

Baptists say hello to each other in the liquor store

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

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Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

How can you tell if your cat is a Mormon?

He has nine wives…

Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

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What do Mormons play instead of "Fuck, Marry, Kill"?

Marry, Marry, Marry

Weddings by Christian denomination [super-dated but still funny]

At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant.

At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.

At a United Church wedding, the minister is pregnant.

At a Unitarian wedding, the minister and her wife are both pregnant.

*Adapted poorly from a joke about Jewish denominat...

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What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers?

An oxymormon.

What's the difference between a 50 year old mormon and his wife?

One doesn't drink by faith, and the other isn't old enough to drink.

I want to go to Utah so I can do acid with Mormons in a best buy looking for graphics cards

I'll call it my LSDLDSDLSS adventure

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What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Mormon?

Somebody that comes to your house and tells YOU to fuck off.

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 38?

Because 39 is just too many.

How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?

Two, because if you take just one he will drink all the beer.

As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.

From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers – *and my five mothers!*

Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon

I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University

My Utahn grandpa's favorite joke: why should you always bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing?

Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer.

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, they keep coming to my house and they aren’t changing anything.

Netflix should make a series about what Mormons say before they ring the door bell.

I would binge watch the shucks out of it.

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!

What do you call a Mormon from Florida?

A Fort Lauderdale saint.

What do you call a Mormon gynecologist?

A Box Elder.

Why don't the mormons just open their own Hospital if praying really works?

Because you can't make money off of prayers.

What's a Mormon's favorite treat?

Ding Dongs

Mormons believe...

Mormons believe in wife after death.

I couldn't be a Mormon even if I wanted to.

My parents weren't related at all.

What did the Frat boy say when the Mormon handed him a piece of paper?

Bro sure.

Why do Mormons get married on Black Friday?

Because they get 2 for 1.

Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding...

Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding when one of them leans over and asks the other:

“I’m confused, how many wives are we allowed to have?”

His companion mulls it over, “Sixteen… I think. *Four better, four worse, four richer, and four po...

Why do Mormons get away with murder?

The all share DNA

Two Mormon missionaries knock on a door.

A blind lady answers the door and upon learning who they are tells them she wants nothing to do with God or religion and proceeds to slam the door in their faces but the door just bounces right back open. Furious that they would stick their feet in the door she yells at them to go away and slams the...

Where do Mormon deer call home?

Salt Lick City

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