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Mormon Jokes

what is a mormon missionary’s favorite type of car?

a convertible

A Hindu, Jewish Rabbi, and Mormon Evangelist are lost.

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

How do you know you're at a Mormon wedding?

The bride isn't pregnant but her mother is

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God invented Mormons so...

...Christians would know how Jews feel.

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Mormon missionary visitation

Sunday morning the weather was too cloudy to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when I heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said,

"I'm a Mormon missionairy, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I sa...

A mormon walks into a bar.

Just kidding.

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What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers?

An oxymormon.

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news. "You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live" he is told.

The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is in shock and asks if there's anything he should do.

The doctor pauses a moment ...

What's the difference between Mormons and Baptists?

Baptists say hello to each other in the liquor store

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

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Beleive it or not, Mormons do have sex.

Let that fact soak in.

Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride

First golf joke I’ve heard less than 1,000,000 times.

A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.

"I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team."

"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant w...

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.

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What do Mormons play instead of "Fuck, Marry, Kill"?

Marry, Marry, Marry

Did you hear about the Mormon cat?

He had nine wives.

A mormon went to see “The Book of Mormon”,

he thought the book was better.

Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

A: Because 36 would be too many.

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...

The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."

To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't g...

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Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

What do the Brits call Mormons?

knock knock blokes.

Mormons are really nice people. They all smile at you.

Some of them even blink.

Mormons be like, “you know what’d be fun?”

Doesn’t matter.

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

Why do Mormons think Christ’s second coming will be in America?

Because they think he will end their Missouri.

As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.

From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers – *and my five mothers!*

How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?

Two.
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

Mormons believe...

Mormons believe in wife after death.

Why can't you take a Mormon speed dating?

He'll start pushing all the tables together.

What's the difference between a 50 year old mormon and his wife?

One doesn't drink by faith, and the other isn't old enough to drink.

I want to go to Utah so I can do acid with Mormons in a best buy looking for graphics cards

I'll call it my LSDLDSDLSS adventure

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Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?

She wanted a high paying missionary position.

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!

Why do Mormon women stop having children at 30?

Because 31 or more is where daycare fees admittedly start becoming excessive.

What's a Mormon's favorite treat?

Ding Dongs

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What's a Mormon's favorite sexual position?

You'd probably think it's missionary, but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance.

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Two Mormons knock on an old Englishman's door...

The old man opens the door and smiles at the two fine gentlemen dressed in white dress shirts and black ties. They say, "Hello, we're with the church of Latter-day Saints and we're here to spread the gospel of God. Do you mind if we come in to speak with you?" The old man replies with a smile, "Sure...

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What's the difference between a Mormon man and a Muslim man.

A Mormon man gets 72 virgins and THEN kills himself.

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were discussing their families.

Jew: I have enough children to start my own baseball team.

Catholic: So What? When my wife delivers in the fall, I can start my own soccer team!

Mormon: I got you all beat. Two more wives and I’ll have my own private golf course.

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

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What cell carrier do Mormons use?

Virgin Mobile

Where do Mormon deer call home?

Salt Lick City

Why do Mormons get married on Black Friday?

Because they get 2 for 1.

What’s the opposite of a Mormon?

An oxymormon.

What do you call a Mormon from Florida?

A Fort Lauderdale saint.

Why do Mormons get away with murder?

The all share DNA

Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon

I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University

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What do you get when you cross a Hells Angel with a Mormon?

Somebody that comes to your house and tells YOU to fuck off.

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, they keep coming to my house and they aren’t changing anything.

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A mormon checks into a hotel.

On seeing there are video channels available in his room, he says "I trust the porn is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No, it's just regular porn, you sicko!"

What do methheads and Mormons have in common?

They both ride bikes and go on missions.

Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding...

Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding when one of them leans over and asks the other:

“I’m confused, how many wives are we allowed to have?”

His companion mulls it over, “Sixteen… I think. *Four better, four worse, four richer, and four po...

They call it Mormon but the last time I checked the men are always after more women.

My GF thought her joke was hilarious.

Two Mormon missionaries knock on a door.

A blind lady answers the door and upon learning who they are tells them she wants nothing to do with God or religion and proceeds to slam the door in their faces but the door just bounces right back open. Furious that they would stick their feet in the door she yells at them to go away and slams the...

Two Mormon bishops are going for a walk...

They have been friends for years. One turns and says, "We've been so close for so long. Tell me, hypothetically, if you had two yachts, would you give me one?"

The other bishop says, "Why, you baptised my son! Of course I would give you one!"

"Then tell me, hypothetically, if you had t...

Joseph Smith sold so many copies of the Book of Mormon

That they made him a prophet.

What's the difference between the Mormons and Donald Trump?

One has millions of religious zealots that think you're going to Hell and the rest of the world can't stand. The other's a church.

I couldn't be a Mormon even if I wanted to.

My parents weren't related at all.

Why did the Mormon elder get in trouble for dating twenty nine year olds?

I mean, there was twenty of them....

A Baptist, a Mormon, and a Muslim walk into a bar...

The Baptist says, "What the hell are we doing here?"

In the Mormon Church there is a family that has recently been baptized.

After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks,
“Will you give a talk next Sunday in Church?”
The new convert replies, “Sure, but what would you like me to give my talk on?”
“On anything ...

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