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An 80-Years old man goes for a Penis Checkup...

After a brief evaluation of his penis the doctor says,

Doctor: Eveything looks fine, but for a complete analysis, we need your sperm(semen) sample too.

He gives him a small glass bottle.

Doctor: Bring this back tomorrow and then we'll proceed further.

Next day the old man...

An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup

The Doctor asks him how he is feeling.

"I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a sea...

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple...

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Wil...

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are at the OBGYN's office for their pregnancy checkups.

The redhead says, "I was on top when I conceived.  I'm having a girl."

The brunette says, "He was on top when I conceived.  I'm having a boy."

The blonde bursts into tears.  "I'm having puppies!"

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A man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup.

The doctor says, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

The man, upset, says “why??”


“Because I’m trying to examine you.”

An elderly lady visits the doctor for a regular checkup...

After the checkup the doctor asks "anything else?" The old gal replies that yes, indeed there is something else but it's quite embarrassing. The doctor assures her that being a doctor, nothing fases him. So she continues "you see doctor, I've got terrible gas, funny thing is its silent and odorless....

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

Schrodinger takes his cat to the vet, for a checkup.

The vet comes back 10 minutes later and says,



"I have good news and bad news."

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An elderly man goes to the doctor for a checkup.

Doctor: We will need a blood sample, urine sample, stool sample and semen if possible.

Old man: Why don't you just take my shorts?

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A woman came out of her annual health checkup totally beaming!!

Her husband asked " what happened ? "

"The doctor was stunned and he said that for a 45 year old woman , I've the breasts of an 18 year old "

"Did he say anything about your 45 year old ass?" Asked the husband.

" No " she answered " the topic of you never came up in the conver...

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A guy goes to the doctor and after a checkup the doctor discovers that he has three testicles.

The patient asks whether that is a problem, but the doctor assures him that it's not and that he'd wish he had three testicles.

Kind of proud the patient leaves the doctor's office and sits on a park bench next to a stranger.

He says to him: "Together we have five testicles.", to whic...

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

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A Young Man Went to his Doctor for a Routine Checkup

When he came in for the results, the doctor said gravely “Tom, I think you’d better sit down. I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”

“All right doc” said Tom. “Give me the bad news first.”

“You’ve got cancer,” said the doctor. “Brain cancer. It’s spreading incredibly fast, it’s t...

A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup

He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.

"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.

"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.

"Well..." The doctor star...

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A woman visits her doctor for her annual checkup.

The doctor asks "Do you have any questions or concerns?"

"Well, my husband likes to have anal sex with me. Is that dangerous to my health?"

"Is it painful?"

"No." She tells the doctor. "Honestly, I rather enjoy it."

"I'm not concerned then. Just be careful not to get pre...

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?...

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There was an eighty year old man who went to the doctor for his annual checkup, and when the doctor finished checking him over, he was amazed and said

“Sir, you have the body of a 40 year old, and the physique of a 20 year old; tell me, what’s your secret.”

The old man replies “Well I have a very good relationship with the lord, so much so, that when I go to the bathroom at night he turns the light on for me.”

Now the doctor was just...

A woman goes to the doctor for a checkup

The Doctor tells her, "Well, your results are ready, and it appears that you are pregnant."

The woman appears shocked. and replies "What!? You've got to be..." \[long pause\] "... kid-in-me." and bursts out giggling.

The Doctor, now in a shock says, "I don't believe it. Did you really ...

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A soldier gets his penis blown off in jungle combat and is sent to the closest field hospital

The doctor at the field hospital says sorry son your penis is completely blown off, there is nothing I can do.. well there is something but it would be completely experimental.
The next morning the soldier wakes up and slowly lifts the sheets only to see a baby elephant trunk had been sewn on whe...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, 'Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.' The doctor continued, 'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For d...

A seventy year old man goes to the doctor...

A seventy year old man is at the doctor’s office for a routine checkup. After the examination, the doctor tells the man that he is in great physical condition for his age, in fact amazing condition for a man even half his age. The doctor asks how he does it, and the patient tells him that it’s good ...

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Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Please pee on this cup and come back. Joe's confused by this weird method, but fuck it let's roll.

Joe brings the cup back. Then, Halstaad dips his right pinky into the urine, licks it and pauses.
Then, he...

Who said he wanted to?

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape.   I'm up well before daylight and out golfi...

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

So a man sees his doctor for a checkup.

Doctor: Ok, so I have two pieces of bad news

Man: Ok what’s the first one?

Doctor: Well, you have cancer.

Man: Ok, what’s the second thing?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s.

Man: Well, at least I don’t have cancer!

I went to the doctors yesterday. After my checkup I told them I was just trying to stay positive.

I don't know why they looked so concerned.

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A hundred year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

The doctor: "How are you?"
The man: "Very good! I have a new girlfriend!"
Doctor chuckles....
The man: "She is twenty years old!"
Doctor: "... but you know, every sexual activity could mean death!"
The man: "What can I say, would be a pity if she died..."

An older man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup.

The doctor performs all of the routine tests — physical, cognitive, blood, urinalysis, etc. — and he tells the man to come back in a week for the results.

A week later the man returns to the doctor’s office. The doctor addresses him with a stern look on his face and says, “Unfortunately, I h...

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A 90 year old man was having his annual checkup while his family was standing by in the waiting room.

During the checkup, the doctor asked the man if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night.

The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going ...

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Doctor’s checkup

A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window.

He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says, "Do you know what I am doing?" he replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities."

He tells h...

I had a checkup at the doctor recently, he told me, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I said, “What, like bacon and burgers?”

-

He said, “No, fatty don’t eat anything.”

Last week I walked into a doctor's for a checkup. Giggling, he said "You have cancer, but it's still small. "

Apparently, he has a very fine sense of tumor.

Medical Checkup

GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetisers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.

Patient: Ugh do I have to?

GP: Doctor’s hors d’oeurves.

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A 96 year old goes for a physical checkup...

A 96 year old man goes for a physical checkup with his family doctor.

Once he is finished, the doctor looks at the old man and tells him, "Well Alfred, as far as anyone is concerned, you're in top physical shape. You are as healthy as a 50 year old."

"That's great to hear, I feel grea...

Old guy goes to the doc for a checkup and brings the wife along because he is hard of hearing. Doc: Everything looks okay but I still want to run some tests so I need a urine, feces, and sperm sample.

Old guy: (To wife) What did he say?

Wife: (loudly) He wants your underwear.

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I had a checkup at the doctor's today

She shone the light in my eyes, listened to my breathing then stopped and looked at me gravely and said, "Bob, you need to stop masturbating."

I says "What, why?"

"Because I'm examining you right now."

The Jar

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it wa...

Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"

The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."

Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."

"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"

Doc replies, "You've...

An old farmer goes for his annual checkup at the doctor.

A old farmer goes for his annual checkup at the doctor.

His usual doctor retired so he seeing a new, younger one.

During the checkup, the doctor ask the farmer to remove his pants but realize that the farmer is not wearing any underwear.

- You don't have any underwear wear!
...

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A woman goes to her doctor for her checkup

Doctor: Wow! Thats the biggest vagina I've ever seen! Wow. Thats the biggest vagina I've ever seen.

Woman: You didn't have to repeat yourself.

Doctor: I didn't

I went to my orthodontist for my 3 month checkup

It's a small practice, he makes some money on the side doubling as a psychic from time to time.

I sat down in the chair excited for my appointment. I quickly yelled "Look at my teeth! there has been so much change in only 3 months." He replied with "Yep, and there will actually be much more ...

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup...

After the checkup the man then proceeds to go home. A couple days pass when the man looks at his phone to see the doctor calling. "hello." the man says as he picks up the phone. The doctor greets him back and proceeds to say to the man "Well I have some good news and bad news for you." The man begin...

Three men were going to the doctor for a checkup.

The first man walks in. The doctor asks him, "anything happened lately?"

The man replied, "I finally beat cancer!"

The doctor congratulates him and they do the checkup. Then the man walks away.

The second man walks in and also claims he beat cancer. They do the checkup and the ...

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A guy went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor said,"Well first of all, sir, you'll have to stop masturbating." The guy said,"Why?" The doctor replied, "So I can examine you."

85 year ol man marries....

And sees his doctor "I just married an 18 year old au pair girl, and she wants to have a baby as I am getting old. Is there anything I can do to help speed this up?"

Doctor looks at the old man and says "get a young lodger!" With a wry smile.

5 months later the old man visits his doct...

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, “Okay I’ve got bad news and really bad news.” Old man: “Well, okay. what’s the really bad news?” “You’ve got cancer. It’s extremely aggressive and I’m giving you two weeks to live.” “Oh god....what’s the bad news?” “You’ve got Alzheimer’s dis...

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A man visits the doctor for a checkup.

"Your vitals look fine," he said. "But it looks like your sperm count is a bit low. Have you felt any changes in sexual desire or had difficulty in bed?"

"Now that you mention it, the last few times I've had an orgasm, I've felt like my entire testicle was being sucked through my dick!"
...

An 80y/o bloke goes to the doctor for his regular checkup.

Doc: "How are you feeling then Mr Tabernackle?" Mr Tabernackle: 'I feel amazing. I just hit a 90 on 18 holes at the club, went for a great swim and my 21 year old wife is pregnant!' Doc: "That's incredible!" Mr Tabernackle: 'Well you don't have to be so astounded. I may be 80 but I keep myself in go...

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A true story

Saw my Doctor this morning about my undescended testicle, he seemed surprised that this hadn’t been caught in early childhood during any of my checkups.

He asked, “did your parents never check you as a baby?”

I replied, “no, they really dropped the ball on this one”

He smiled. ...

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I went to the Doctor for a checkup, and he started shoving toy horses up my ass

He looked up and told me my condition was 'stable'

I went to the doctor today for a checkup and he showed me on a chart that I'm 20 pounds overweight.

But, I pointed out that using his very same data, *I'm not overweight.* I just need to be 3 inches taller.

My dog needed a checkup, so I Googled a place nearby. But when I got there, it was just this blonde white guy in army camo covered in swastika tattoos.

Stupid Google found me a veteran aryan.

A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup

"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."

"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."

"Thanks d...

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man’s chart and says “although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.”
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
“Now just to let you know this may cause an erection,” warns the doctor.
“I think I’ll be f...

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...

... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.

"Whats the worse news?"

"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."

Mr. Jones hangs his head for a coup...

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90 year enters the doctor's office on a wheelchair for checkup.

Doctor asks how he feels generally.

Old man: I feel great. In fact I am expecting a baby with my hot 20 year old new girlfriend.

The doctor who is obviously surprised asks: Really? Or you are just kidding me?

The old man pulls up his phone and shows the doctor a picture himself ...

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A guy is getting his routine checkup.

The doctor is doing the usual, checking his ears, checking his nervous responses, going over his records, etc. Over time, the doctor looks increasingly grave. Eventually, he stops his examination, takes off his glasses, and says: "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to st...

Prostate checkup

I went for a checkup and got my prostate examined. I asked him if everything was okay and he said "feels fine to me, but what do I know i'm just your dentist"

An old man was at the doctor's office for his annual checkups and tests.

Gary was sitting alone and patiently waiting for his test results. He was just checking his watch when the doctor returned.


"Gary, I've got some bad news and I've got some *really* bad news," said the doctor as he walked in.


"Just hit me with the worst first doc, I can take it...

An 86 year old man goes in to his yearly checkup.

His doctor says, "You're looking good, how do you feel?"

The old man says, "I feel *great*. I have a 25 year old wife who's carrying my baby. What do you think about that?"

The doctor says, "That reminds me of another patient I have who's about your age. He an avid hunter and never ...

A mans wife goes in for a dental checkup.

After the appointment the doctor comes out to greet the man.

The man says "how was it?"

The doctor replies "Your wife has a lot of cavities that need to be filled."

The man replies "that must be hard on you."

The doctor replies "Not really I get paid every month to dril...

A Czech man walks into his eye checkup.

Optician: "Please sit down, try to read the letters on the screen."

which were ' G S I R O N V C H Z I T'

Patient: "Uh doc..."

"Why is my name on the panel?"

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< Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

An 80 year old man goes for his annual checkup

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said: "Friend, for your age your in the best shape I've seen."

The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."

The doctor asked him how he knew that.

"Wh...

A stoner comes to the doctors for some medical issues

The checkup is going well until the doctor notices an unrelated bruise on his leg. He asks the stoner and the guy elaborates.

“So my friend gave me a magic blunt,” the stoner says “my friend tells me that if I’m not careful then the blunt can cause problems and turn to stone. Well I ignored ...

A New Yorker went for a checkup..

Doctor: We're sorry, you have Hepatitis B.

New Yorker: Damn B, what kind of hepatitis?

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A man goes to his doctors office for a routine checkup...

During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical
activity level.
He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five
hour walk
about 7km through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake.
I pushed my way through br...

I went to the Doctors today for a checkup

He told me that I had one of the best digestive systems he'd ever seen.

So today I'm celebrating superb bowel sunday.

I went to the Opticians today and at the end she asked if I was married or in a relationship...

I said "yes I am, why?"

She said "Well your eyes are fine but your girlfriend needs to come in for a checkup ASAP!"

During his annual checkup, a man tells his doctor he is thinking about getting a vasectomy

The doctor tells him that it's a very important decision and asks if he has had a chance to discuss it with his family. The man says,"Yeah, and they are in favor of it 15 to 7."

Pregnancy checkups

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pregnancy checkups.
The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top", she replied.

"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question. ...

A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....

During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. “Doctor…” she replied shyly, “I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you.” “All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re done.” A few momen...

An Elderly Couple Go To Their Doctor For A Checkup

The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."

&nbsp;

The doctor decides not to co...

So a 14 year old girl goes to the doctor for a checkup...

He puts the stethoscope up to her heart and says,

"Big breaths."

And she says,

"Thankth! I grew them mythelf!"

A man walks into a medical clinic for his annual checkup

He waits to be called up, goes through with the procedures, and waits for the results to get back. After a while of waiting, the doctor comes back into the room and says: "sir, I have some bad news."
The man says: "ok doc, just give it to me straight."
"Sir, you have cancer and Alzhei...

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A man goes to a new doctor for a checkup upon which the doctor discovers he has five penises.

The doctor says, That's unbelievable, how do your pants fit!

The man says "Like a glove."

A man is at the doctor's office for a checkup...

The doctor says to the man "Sir, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Give it to me straight, Doc," the man says.

The doctor tells him "alright, you have cancer."

The man is crushed, naturally, when the doctor says "there's something else, too."

The man goes "well...

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I was getting a checkup from my doctor this morning

He said "Now son, you gotta stop masterbating!"

I said in shock " what?"

He replied "Well At least until I finish your God damn exam!!"

A man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup

During the checkup, he learns he has some sort of rare disease, and has 12 hours to live. When he comes home to his wife, he tells her the news, and she starts sobbing. She then looks at him and says,"I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget." They go to their bedroom, and proceed to make p...

A man brings his dog to the vet for a checkup

The vet picks up the dog and looks in his mouth, he checks out the dog's eyes, ruffles his fur to make sure it is thick and soft, examines his stomach, his paws and his tail.

The vet then looks at the owner sternly and says"I'm very sorry sir, but I'm going to have to put your dog down".
<...

No matter which doctor I go to for a general checkup, they all hit me on the knee.

I think they get a kick out of it.

The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day...

It's really starting to grow on me

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So the other day I'm at my routinely checkup.

The doctor tells me to pull down my pants so he can examine my genitals, so I do that. He takes a look, and after about 30 seconds he says to me, "you have to stop masturbating." I ask, "what, why?" to which he replies "because we're in the middle of a checkup!"

After the checkup

A recent bride accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After the checkup, the doctor took the bride aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast, including hot chocolate and Belgium waffles, and send him o...

An old man visits the doctors office for his regular checkup

The doctor asks him how things are going. The guy says "Doc, things are great - in fact, I'd say miraculous! You know how I used to have trouble seeing, right? Well now, whenever I want to go to the bathroom, I open the door, and the light magically opens! And when I'm done, I close the door, and th...

Medical checkup

An elderly man goes to the doctor for his yearly medical checkup.

The doctor, a kindly man with a slight stutter, asks his patient:

"So, how's the prost-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tate doing?"

The man thinks for a moment, then replies:

"Well... you could say I pee the way you speak."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] SSW

Three generations of women go to their annual checkup at the gynecologist.

First up is the youngest, the doc does the default checks and tells her that everything is fine, she just wants to know how often she has sex. She replies: "SSW". The doc is confused and asks her what SSW means and her...

So this woman had some heart troubles….

She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.

About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she’s been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"

She says: "at my balls"…

A patient walks into an optometrist's office.

The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.

"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing look...

A old Woman goes to the doctor

She says to the doctor, "I have a really embarrassing problem and I have finally convinced myself to come and see you"

"You see, I constantly fart, but they don't smell and they don't make any noise so it hasn't bothered me all these years. I've even farted three times since coming into your ...

An old man goes to the doctor for a physical.

The doctor tells the man the results are fine and asks him how he is doing.

"I feel great!" he replied, "God and I have made a really strong connection lately."

The doctor find this a little odd, but is respectful and asks "How so?"

The man says "Well, when I wake up to pee in t...

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor....

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checks his heart. Then he checks his breathing, his eyes and ears. He does the works. After finishing checking him up and just before sending him out the door McConnell asks.

McConnell: “Hey doc I’d like to donate my body to...

A man loses the ability to hear lighter sounds.

He had worn headphones at high volume for too long.

One day, he went to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. He was sitting with the Doctor. The Doctor kept talking and talking for a long time. The deaf man then said:

"Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Usually I can heard s...

A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and the man bends down. The Doctor sticks his finger and proceeds with the checkup. After about a minute the Doctor says:

\- Don't worry, it's very normal to get an erection during this exam.

The man replies:

\- But I don't have an erection....

My doctor told me I had to stop heavy drinking.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because there are no drinks allowed during checkups."

Tele-Medicine

With all the Covid around my doctor said we should do the routine checkups by tele-medicine. He had me get a thermometer and supplies from the pharmacy. I have my phone ready. I see that today I am scheduled for a prostate exam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain.

While examining the man's abdomen, the doctor asks "Have you been doing any strenuous activity recently?"

"Well," the man replies, "I'm in the process of moving twelve pallets of cinder blocks for a shed I'm building."

"I see. Well, it looks like that's given you a pretty bad hernia. W...

Am elderly gentleman with hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.

After a month he goes back for a checkup and the doctor asks him how things are going now that he can hear everything and if his friends and family have said anything.

The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will f...

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A beaver is at the doctor

A doctor is in a checkup room and had been following up with a patient, who is a beaver, for the past hour with an unexplainable illness.

They’ve eventually whittled down options and are now facing normal protocol to see if he’s actually sick or if it’s something else.

“Well, we’ve che...

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A Man Walks Into the Neigbourhood Bar

He goes in and orders a drink for himself. He notices an attractive lady sitting by herself a couple tables away. Too attractive for someone of his own league, he thinks to himself.

Halfway through too many drinks though, he ends up plucking up enough courage and approaches her. "May I sit do...

An old couple had trouble remembering anything

An old couple, Agnes and Fred, had trouble remembering anything.

During a checkup, the doctor tells the couple they are okay physically but should repeat everything to one another to help them remember things.

One night, Fred offered to make a bowl of ice cream for Agnes while they wer...

Asian guy goes to a eye doctor

After the checkup the doctor says "The problem is you have a cataract" then the Asian guy responds with"No I have a tesra"

Grandmother gets a new doctor.

The doctor that had been seeing this 80 year old woman finally retired, at her next checkup her new doctor told her to bring all of her medicines that have been prescribed to her.

As the new doctor was going through them his eyes grew wide as he realized this grandmother had a prescription fo...

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A 75 year old lady says to her husband...

"You know what, I think I'll go to the doctor and get a checkup."

Her husband says, "Sure, that's a good idea dear."

So she makes an appointment to see Dr. Levine, a gynecologist, and explains that she has not had a checkup in 25 years.

Dr Levine tells her to get undressed and p...

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The New Gynecologist

One morning, it's time for Karen's yearly checkup on her "lady parts." She drives to the Gynecologist, is shown into an examination room, and prepares for the exam. To her mild upset, her usual Doctor isn't there.

"What happened to Dr. Michaels?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Lewis...

Old man goes to a doctor...

Old man, well into his eighties, goes to a doctor for a regular checkup.

The doctor examines him, makes several tests, looks at him and he can't believe what he sees. He says:

"Old man, this can't be true! You're old, but you're healthy as a teenager. No hypertension, no elevated sugar...

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Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

A Polish Guy Goes to the Eye Doctor

A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor for a checkup. He sits in the chair and the eye doctor says to him, "Can you read the chart on the wall?"

The guy replies, "Read it? I know him!"

Doctor killed my Uncle

Myl classic


Juan : I hate doctors, a doctor killed my uncle in Madrid.

Brown: That’s sad. What happened?

Juan: He went to a clinic for a heart checkup, the doctor said he was fine. 5 minutes later, he died on the road.

Brown: Wow.Heart attack?

Juan: No. Motorc...

Drugs?

So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.

"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.

There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."


"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

Doc I got a problem.

Patient goes on a checkup.
Doctor: What’s the problem?
Patient: Whenever I drink tea my eye hurts.
Doctor: have you tried taking the spoon out.

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Polish girl at gynecologist

A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a checkup?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I h...

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