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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

What is the best and worst thing you can tell your doctor during a check up?

Be positive.

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I went for a testicle check up last week.

The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure."

I said, "I haven't got an erection.

She said "No, but I have".

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An elderly couple goes to annual check up together

During the exam husband starts explaining how he and God have an arrangement. "You see, if I need to take a leak during the night I simply go to the bathroom and God turns on the light for me." Doctor nods but of course he finds that a bit strange. So he brings up the issue with the wife, explaining...

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A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

A Russian, went to USA for an eye check up

The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Russian: Read ??? I even know this guy, he’s my cousin.

A wife accompanies her poorly husband to see the doctor. After the check up the doctor asks to have a quiet word with the wife. He tells her that her husband is in a really poor way and unless she does the following her husband will surely die. ...

“Firstly, you must make him a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner daily. Try to be pleasant and make sure he stays in a good mood. Don’t ask him to do chores around the house. Allow him to relax in front of the TV with a glass of his favourite brew each day. Make love to him daily and satisfy his...

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A man goes to the doctor for a check up and is asked by the doctor, "how often do you have sex with your wife ?"

Man: Almost everyday.

Doctor: 2 or 3 times a week?

Man: no almost everyday, on sunday, almost, Monday, almost, yesterday almost ...

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A woman goes in to see her doctor for a check up....

The doctor, after the examination, returns with the results

D: "Ma'am, you might want to sit down... It looks like you're pregnant"

W: "What?! That's impossible! I told you I haven't been sexually active in over a year!!"

D: "Yes Ma'am, that might be because it looks like you're...

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A girl needs to go to her gynecologist for a check up.

She gets checked in and sits down on the table.

Doctor says "Alright, get naked and spread your legs." So she does and he starts to examine her.

The second he gets down there, she hears "Wow, you have a massive vagina! Wow, you have a massive vagina!"

She gets all offended an...

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A man goes to the doctors office for a check up with his wife once every 10 years

Every time he goes his wife sits in with him to make sure he listens to the doctor’s advice.

When the man is 30 the doctor comes in and asks him, do you drink, smoke or have sex? The man replies, “almost every day.” The doctor tells him to cut down on smoking or he’ll die of lung disease by 4...

The patient goes to the doctor for a check up

The doctor says "i see the problem here, your DNA is backwards."


The patient then replies "AND?"

How does the deaf gynecologist check up on his patients?

He reads lips

As the child's dad goes to check up on him, the child says "Dad, I can't sleep"

Dad: "Why not?"

Kid: "Do you see that monster under my bed?"

Dad: \[looks under bed\] "Oh my god... yes!"

Kid: "Well, I drank the whole can!"

A man goes to the doctor to get a check up

He finds out that he has cancer. The man asks the doctor "how long do i have left to live?"
The doctor says "Five"
The man ask "five what?"
The doctor says "four, three, two...."

Went to the doctor's the other day for a check up and told me i must stop eating bacon

As it brings me out in rashers

An 80yr old couple go to the doctors for a routine check up.

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re...

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A hot blonde goes to the gynaecologist for a check up...

When she enters his office, the doctor is overcome by his primal urges, and immediately tells her to take off her clothes.

"Do you know why I asked you to do that?" He asks, hesitantly.
"Sure, you want to check everything to make sure I'm fine."
"That's right!" He says.

After ...

A man goes to a doctor for a check up

The man complained of being unable to use the toilet. The doctor knew what the problem was, but couldn't find the right word to tell him. He explained the situation to the man, who immediately responded with "constipation!". The doctor, stunned, exclaimed "You know what constipation is!" The man, af...

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An Old Man’s Health Check Up.

Doctor: Well everything seems to be fine, I guess this is the end of our appointment. See you next year...

Old Man: Wait! Doctor I have to ask you about a “plumbing” problem I have.

Doctor: Well than would you please elaborate than.

Old Man: Gladly. So the problem is I wiss lik...

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An old man goes to the doctor for a check up...

The doc asks "is there anything concerning you?"

The old man replies "well, every morning at 4am sharp I need a pee. Then at 6am sharp I need a shit"

The doctor says "well it's great a man of your age is so regular, why are you worried"

The old man replies "but, I don't wake up ...

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

i went for a check up the other day

"take off your shirt" he said, and he’s feeling around my chest, my nipples and stomach. Strange fella my dentist.

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An elderly couple visit the doctor for their check up...

The doctor says to the husband, " I will need a stool sample, a urine sample, a blood sample, and a semen sample."

The husband does not hear well asks several times for the doctor to repeat.

Finally the wife speaks up, "Oh honey, just give him your underwear! "

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A man goes for a medical check up for his new job. He told his doctor not to be alarmed because he has 5 penises.

Doctor : how does your pant fit?!??

Man : like a glove

Irregular is something you never want to hear at a check up.

Unless you’re at the ear doctor.

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A 30 year old guy goes to the doctor for a check up

After running some labs and checking vitals, the doctor asks the patient some questions.

Doctor: How often do you drink?

Patient: I've never touched the stuff.

Doctor: What about tobacco use?

Patient: Never tried it. Never will.

Doctor: Do you use any recreation...

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I went to my yearly check up at the hospital...

My doctor asked me, "Did you ever smoke before?"

"Only after sex."

"But it says here that you're a virgin."

I replied, "Exactly."

Went to my doctor today for a check up and afterwards he told me my prostate was in peak physical condition....

I thought it was a strange thing for a dermatologist to say but hey good to know

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A man is at the dentist for a check up

"You have terrible, terrible breath!" the dentist says.

"You should let your doctor check it out, this is really abnormal." he continues.

So the man goes to his doctor.

The doctor does a little examination of the man and says:

"Either you stop biting your nails or sto...

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A man walks into the doctor's office for a check up.

The man is new in town and it's his first time in the clinic. The doctor starts by checking the man's blood pressure.

Doc: Have you any history of heart disease in your family?

Man: Yes, actually. My father suffered a number of heart attacks.

The doctor reaches for his stethosc...

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Check up at the doctors

A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.
She said to the doctor, "Please, tell to my husband".
The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to ha...

A man has been sleeping around and was worried he may have contracted AIDS. He goes to the doctor to get a check up. The doctor returns and says “I have two good news for you”

The man perplexed but hopeful asks: “what’s the first good news?”

Doctor replies, “you don’t have AIDS!”

The man relieved but now even more curious asks the doctor, “then what’s the other good news?”

Doctor responds, “we found a new strain of STD and they’re going to name it aft...

I went to the doctor’s office the other day for a simple check up, and the nurse tried to upsell me bicep implants. She wouldn’t take no for answer.

I’ll tell you, anyone will try to strong-arm you these days.

Check up time.

I've just been for my 6 month check up and everything seem to be going well until he slipped his finger in to check my prostate. I will not be using that dental practise again.

Annual Check-up

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said: "Friend, for your age your in the best shape I've seen."
The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."
The doctor asked him how he knew that.
"Why," the old man...

Annual Physical check up

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "WHAT? What did he say? W...

At a medical check up

Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Got rejected by my dentist during a check up.

My fillings were hurt.

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Cheek of my doctor. I went in for a check up and he said I'll never have kids. I said "why? am I infertile doctor?"

He said "no your a fat cunt."

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The pope has a check up with a doctor...

And the doctor tells him, "for the most part, you're in perfect health, but your prostate is inflamed and could develop into something real painful very soon."
"Okay well is there anything I can do to help that?" asks the pope.
"Yes," says the doctor eyeing him. "But it's going to be difficult...

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Check up

I went for a health check-up the other day, the doctor said, 'you've got to stop masturbating' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you'.

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I had to go into the Dr's today for a regular check up, & I get in there & he pulls down my pants & started jamming his finger in my ass...

Yea I guess it's time for a new dentist

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Went for a check up at the doctor's office...

The doctor came to me and said, "You really need to stop masturbating."

I said, "Why doc, am I gonna go blind??"

Doctor replied, "No, you're disturbing my other patients."

A man goes to the doctor for a check up

After some tests the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's ...

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I went in for a check up...

Everything seemed to be going fine. Then all of a sudden the doc stuck his finger up my butt! I freaked out a bit. Is this a normal part of the exam?

I'm thinking of finding a new dentist.

God will protect me from COVID-19.

A good Christian man walked into Walmart and was offered a mask by the store greeter. The man politely declined saying God would protect him from Covid. Later the man went to his doctor for a routine check up. The doctor told him everything is fine and they also have all three different types of the...

Satan went to the doctor because he felt he wasn’t evil enough for the current times….

After his check up the doctor prescribed to him some meta-sin.

A 70 year old man named George goes in for a doctors appointment.

All of his physical tests yield normal result, so the doctor asks George if he is feeling well mentally, which George replies he is. He is then asked if he has a good relationship with his god. George explains that when he gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, the light automatical...

A woman visits a gynecologist

A woman goes to see a gynecologist for an exam. She is a new patient for the doctor so he has to ask her a few questions. She also happens to be very attractive which flusters the doctor.

"So...uh, when was...when was the last time you had...uh, a check up...uh, a check up there?", he asks...

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