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Exam Jokes

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam

I’d have $ 6.30 now.

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their
professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the ot...

After my prostate exam the doctor walked out and the nurse walked in. Then she asked me something no man wants to hear..

Who was that?

My dad asked me, “Did you get an A in your Spanish exam?”

Me: C.

Dad: Well done. I knew you can do it!

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A man goes for a prostate exam.

The doctor is checking him out when he finds a roll of $100 bills stuffed up his ass. He pulls out the money and counts it.

“You’re not gonna believe this, but I just found $1900 shoved up your ass!”

The man says, “Well that makes sense. That’s why I haven’t been feeling too grand.”

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

I failed my photography exam.

I just couldn't focus.

What's the worst thing to feel during a prostate exam?

2 hands on your shoulders

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?

"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

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An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "W...

I went for a prostate exam.

I got thumbs up.

My professor told me that the key to passing the exam is to break it down and I've done two-thirds of what he said

I break down

A Proctology exam.

A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.

The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.

“Alright Brian, it’s your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.

...

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

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A woman is sitting in the exam room of her gynecologist

The doctor says, “You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

“You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

Taken aback, the woman says, “Well, you didn’t have to say it twice”

The doctor says, “I didn’t”

I failed my final exam on Greek mythology.

It's always been my Achilles elbow

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

I ate the exam paper

Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

I was really worried when I went to prostate exam. My doctor said James you got this, just don’t get hard

Which I said: my name isn’t James.
He said yeah, mine is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During my prostate exam, my doctor told me it’s perfectly normal to become aroused and even ejaculate.

That being said, I still wish he hadn’t.

This Exam Is FINAL

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the ...

I passed my genetic engineering exam, with flying koalas

Am I over Koalafied

As the doctor slid his finger in for the prostate exam I smiled.

The doctor locked eyes with me and it suddenly got awkward.

So I ran away from the window.

On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, “Is this normal?”

He said, “Not during a written exam, no.”

Prostate Exam

After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

She said...."Who was that guy?"

I got 69 out of 75 in my exam.

I was expecting nice comments but I only got ‘nice’ comments.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student...

Four students plan to arrive late to their final exam so they can take it the next day

By the time they arrive the exam is almost over, so they head over to the professor to ask if they can take it the next day. They tell him they tried their best to come on time, but their tire blew out and it took too long to replace it.

The professor tells them, "Don't worry about it. You ca...

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

I have my end semester exam tomorrow

The joke is that I couldn't get into college

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A Proctologist is giving an exam...

A Proctologist is giving an exam, and as he is nearing the end of the patient's visit, he goes to write a prescription. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out, to his surprise, a rectal thermometer.
He looks at it and, exclaims, "Damn it! Some asshole has my pen!"

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I think I need to find a new doctor, after my last prostrate exam

It’s never comfortable to be prodded up the butt, but I got suspicious when the doctor said, “I need to go deeper, this may hurt a bit”, and then he put both of his hands on my shoulders.

Four roommates get drunk the night before an exam and they miss the test.

They go to the professor with a story that they got a flat tire on their way to take the exam and they beg for the chance to take a make-up exam.

The professor agrees.

On the day of the make-up test all four students show up right on time. The professor looks at his watch and says "be...

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A woman goes to a new gynecologist for an exam.

He takes a look and she's embarrassed to hear "That's a big vagina! That's a big vagina!" from betwixt her nethers.

Flustered, the woman replies, "I know it is, but you didn't have to say it twice!"

Doc answers back, "I only said it once."

What’s the last thing you want to hear during a prostate exam?

“Pull my finger”

An older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After hearing her out, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “what is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown...

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

Exam

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you're jus...

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

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Final exam at the FBI

Three men isolated from each other are sitting in a room. The examiner goes to the first man: "Go into the room in front of you, there is your girlfriend inside. She comitted a war crime. Take the gun and kill her." He goes inside and after 10 minutes he came out and said: "Im sorry, i can't do this...

Two guys decide that they'd go out drinking on the night before their exam.

Wasted on the night before, the two arrive at the university well after the exam ended. They went straight to the professor, saying that they couldn't take the test because one of the car's tires had gone flat. Surprisingly, the professor allows them and promptly tells them to come back tomorrow....

A frustrated student handed in his exam.

"I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.

"Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher.

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

I have a bad habit of screaming during rectal exams.

It really makes my patients nervous.

A teacher walks over to the desk of a student during an exam and says to him

“I hope I didn’t just see you looking over at your neighbor’s answers.”

The boy replies, “Yeah, I hope you didn’t see it either.”

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Prostate exam

So I’m at my urology appointment for my prostate exam.

Urologist: “Sir, you really need to stop masturbating. “

Me: surprised “Why?!?”

Urologist: “Because I really need to finish this exam.”

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A student is blatantly cheating in an exam

The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.

At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way....

A man was being given a physical exam by a doctor...

... and the doctor noticed a thick callus on the bridge of the man's nose.
"I wonder what caused that" said the doctor.
"Oh, that is from my glasses" said the man.
"That shouldn't be happening" said the doctor. "Have you tried contact lenses?
"Hell no" said the man. "How much be...

A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and the man bends down. The Doctor sticks his finger and proceeds with the checkup. After about a minute the Doctor says:

\- Don't worry, it's very normal to get an erection during this exam.

The man replies:

\- But I don't have an erection....

A Gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ...

Two boys were doing an exam.

First boy entered, and the teacher asked him:

"Who was the first Black president of USA?"

"Barack Obama."

"When did World War II begin?"

"1939."

"Do aliens exist?"

"It isn't scientifically proven."

The boy exists with good result and says to the other...

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

The physics professor in the oral exam asks the student

"What is faster, light or sound?"

"Well obviously light"

"Alright, why?"

"Well, when I turn on my TV, I first see the picture and then comes the sound"

The professor of course fails the student. The next student he asks the same question.

"What is faster, light or ...

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Physics exam…

My english is not the best but i hope yall understand:

20 Students had their final physics exam. There was one teacher in a room where he tested them each with one question that was always the same.

So the first student walks into the room and the teacher asks him: Youre in a Train and...

What's the best way to sneak cheat notes into an exam without getting caught?

Memorise them.

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

If I had 50p every time I failed a maths exam

I would have £3.57 right now

Prostate exam

Patient bent over naked about to get his prostate checked.
Dr says "ok Dave don't get a hard on "
Patient says " my name is Kenneth"
Dr says " my name is DAVE"

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The teacher looked disappointed, as she handed back my F-marked exam sheet.

"That is possibly the worst English paper I have ever tried to read." She scolded. "Have you anything to say for yourself?"


"Just two words, miss," I replied. "Go fuck yourself."


I'm shit at maths, too.

I failed my biology exam today.

The question was: Name something that is found in cells?
Apparently scousers was the wrong answer.

Medical exam

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! .... Just stick out your tong...

A student arrives late for an exam...

A large lecture hall of students is taking the final exam for their course. Halfway through the hour, a student arrives late. As he picks up a copy of the test, the professor looks disappointed and says, "Young man, I wrote this test to take an hour. Because of your tardiness, it it unlikely you'll ...

The chemistry final exams

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."

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A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and d...

I passed my exams with ease

English - E
Math - E
Science - E
History - E

Just found out that I can't use a calculator for my exam

I was really counting on that

Our friend Les is really upset because he failed his French Lit exam.

The result made Les Miserable.

Help creating a biology joke to end my exam .

So, I'm sitting here, needing to write one more essay question for the exam I am giving shortly and have decided that I don't want it to be a serious question. It's only worth a couple of points and I don't mind giving students a couple of freebies. Exam is covering Mitosis/Meiosis/Mendelian genetic...

I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...

the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.

"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure."

"I don't have an erection', I responded.
...

A Student in a Maths exam.

Student: How much is remaining, sir?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms

Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...

Aced it!

Exams

A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second ...

Entrance Exam

A recent entrance exam for Medical School included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled 'spine' became Doctors....

Michael takes an exam

Michael is taking an exam at his school. All questions are True or False questions. He hasn’t studied so he decides to answer all his questions by flipping a coin.

Once the time is up, The teacher collects everyones exams but notices that Michael is still working. The teacher asks why he’s ...

A Czech diplomat in Washington D.C. is obliged to take his annual physical exam.

He goes to a local doctor for a battery of tests. At the eye exam, the doctor asks him, “So, can you read the bottom line, Mr. Kratochvil?”
“Read it? I dated her in school!”

I was worried about my prostate exam

But luckily my doctor was kind enough to keep his hands on my shoulders the whole time to reassure me.

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So I had my prostate exam today…

and the doc had me bend over with my pants and underwear down.

He put his left hand on my hip and his right hand he…wait…he put his right hand on my hip and…

You know what? That bastard had both hands on my hips!

Exam By Chance

A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true false questions.

The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false...

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Two college students have their most important final exam next week...

But they've chosen to spend the week partying instead. So, in their drunken stupour, after realising how badly they messed up, they beg their professor to give them an extra day for the exam. Even though sceptical, they told him that they had a flat tire on the way to university and couldn't reach c...

I have an exam next week

To prep for it, im going to text my ex for any cheating tips

My friend went to the doctor for a prostate exam

The doctor asked him to bend over the exam table. Then the doctor stands behind him and tells him to relax. My friend said he heard the doctor put on his gloves and squirt some lubricant into his hand. The doctor says, “On the count of three. 1, 2, 3”, and begins the exam. After a few minutes, my bu...

What is the first question on the Canadian Citizenship Exam?

Who’s sorry now?

Take-home final exam

Bill always had a problem with school. He suffered from a fear of tests. When a professor hands out tests, it was almost like his brain shut down. He couldn't remember anything.
One of his professors gave the students a take-home test and told them to bring it back the next week for their final g...

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Dr. Exam

Mrs. Murphy went to the doctor. When her husband came home, instead of being in the kitchen cooking his dinner, he found her naked in their bedroom admiring herself in a mirror.

"What did the doctor say?"

"He told me I have amazing breasts."

"And what did he say about your big...

To had to go for my first prostate exam today.

To had to go for my first prostate exam today. Doctor came in and said, "hello, I'm doctor Williams. Please drop your pants. Now Chris, don't get an erection."
I said " my name is not Chris"
He said," I know, Chris is my name".

I went to the doctor to get a prostate exam.

The doctor told me to take my jeans and underpants off and to bend over the table.
As he was putting plastic gloves on, he said:

”Alright Steve, don’t get hard this time.”

”My name’s not Steve” I said.

”Yes, I know. I am Steve”.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam. He flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the invigilator sees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him the...

Prostate exam

A man goes to his doctor for his prostate exam. The doctor gets his glove and starts doing his thing, when suddenly, he finds a £50 note! The doctor keeps searching and finds a large amount of notes and coins at different amounts. After he's sure he got everything out, he counts it all up.

...

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A man goes to the doctor for a routine exam.

Peering into the patient's ear with a scope, the doctor asks the man if he masturbates regularly. Embarrassed, the man concedes that he does.

"I must recommend you stop" advises the doctor sternly.


"But why?" the patient asks, now concerned.


"Because you're disrup...

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I just took my Pornography 101 final exam. It wasn't hard.

I failed

Had my first prostate exam today

Doctor was very nice. In the middle of the exam he asked if I was ok.

I said "I'm fine, Doc. But how the hell are your hands on my shoulders right now?"

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way...

My future's in ruins.

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I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.

His new nurse, Evelyn , took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat
until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a ...

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A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.

The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"

The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?"
The professor is surprised, but st...

My Dr said the prostate exam can cause erections in some men

Turns out he wasn't talking about the patient.

What worse then having your doctor reach up and grab your shoulder while giving you a prostate exam?

Having your doctor reach up and grab both your shoulders while doing you prostrate exam

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I have a math exam

My mom said she will give me 200$ if I pass.

My dad said he will give me 500$ if I pass.



I'm gonna get 1000$ after passing that easy exam,Wish me luck.

10 out of 11 medical students failed in their medical exams.

In the end, 9 of them recommended the same thing..

Colgate

The Exam

Three Highschool Sr's decided to blow off their final exam for their logic class, and spend the day getting wasted.

When they returned to class the next day they explained to the professor that they were unable to get to class the day before due to a flat tire and no cell phone coverage in th...

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Prostate exams

Put the anal in analysis

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After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.'

'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

Why aren't cosmetic students afraid of missing their exams?

They love make up tests!

62-year old Walter was in Dr. Miller's exam room for his annual checkup...

As the exam came to a close the doctor asked if Walter had any other questions about his health.

"Well, Doc, I've gained a bit more weight in the midsection, y'see, and, uh, when I look down I...well..I can't see the ol' captain anymore, if you know what I mean. What do you recommend?"
...

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A Gynecological Exam!!

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor

took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"<...

How do you know your prostate exam is going really wrong?

You've got two hands on your shoulders.

Advice for final exams

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Wish me luck, I have end of term exams tomorrow," she tells the bartender. "Good luck," the bartender says. "Are you all prepared?" "I've done everything I can think of to prepare. I even texted my ex last night," she says. "I asked him if he ha...

If you can see both hands of the proctologist while he's giving you the exam...

... it makes you wonder 🤔

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went for a yearly medical exam the other day and the doctor told me that I need to stop masturbating.

I said, well, OK, but why? The doctor said "Because we need to start your medical exam."

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man,

You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I make love to my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then after we make love the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”
After exa...

Don’t you just hate when your halfway through your rectal exam and remember...

**You're at the dentist.**

I could feel an exam in my stomach ....

It was kinda quizzy

a man goes into a doctors office for a prostate exam

The patient says "hey doc where should I put my pants?"
The doctor says "ah just put them next to mine"

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