An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man ...

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

I really should've studied for my prostate exam

my mom freaked out when she found out I got a D.

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A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, “Are you and your husband sexually active?” “Yes, we have verbal sex everyday.” the woman answered. “Verbal sex? I think you mean oral sex!” the doctor laughed. “No, I mean verbal sex.” the woman persisted...

“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’"

I just found out that I failed my Binary 101 exam.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

My son got an F in his geography exam today.

I sent him to his room but he ended up in the kitchen

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I just took my Pornography 101 final exam. It wasn't hard.

I failed

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A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam.

A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam. During the exam, the doctor remarks, "My, you have a big vagina...My, you have a big vagina."

Upset, the woman tells the doctor that he didn't need to say it twice. But the confused doctor replies that he only said it once.

Intrigued...

A blonde is taking her driving exam

She gets into the car and the teacher fails her immediately.
- What do you mean? I just got into the car.
- Yes, but you got into the back seat.

During my prostate exam the doctor put his hands on my shoulders and said "Dave, it's normal to get a hard-on while doing this."

"My name is not Dave," I replied.
"Yes, I know," said the doctor, "I am Dave."

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

When I was getting my prostate exam, I asked the doctor where I should put my pants.

"Over there, next to mine" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

A group of students are doing their end-of-year exams.

The old beady-eyed moderator in charge of the classroom stared towards the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribbled down the remainder of their answers, knowing that time was almost up.

Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and the exam was over.

“YOUR TIM...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question on an exam.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

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Hip-Hop Mathematics Exam: Question #1

If Jay-Z is unfortunate enough to have a problem with a bitch, how many problems does Jay-Z now have? Show your work.

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

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Went to the doctor's for a prostate exam

During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate .......

But I still wish he hadn't

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear.

“Who was that?”

Two university students had a week of exams coming up but decided to party instead.

When they got to their exam they decided to tell the professor their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until th...

Exams be like....

Choose the correct answer.

“Two Zero Two Four”

A: 2024
B: 0044
C: 0024
D: 2044

What’s the last thing you want to hear during a prostate exam?

“Pull my finger”

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't gi...

Students, for your science exam you will be required to create a vacuum.

No pressure.

I don't want to fail my hernia exam ....

But my test tickles.

A guy goes in for a prostate exam

The doctor puts on a glove and says, “take off your pants, and bend over the table”

The guy says “ouch I don’t like this”

The doctor puts his hand on the guy’s right shoulder and says, “don’t worry son, we’ll be done before you know it”

The guy says, “how much longer?”

...

Didn't shower before my prostate exam today.

Doctor told me that there may be something wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

A teacher walks over to the desk of a student during an exam and says to him

“I hope I didn’t just see you looking over at your neighbor’s answers.”

The boy replies, “Yeah, I hope you didn’t see it either.”

[OC] My pen stopped working during my physics exam

I shaked the pen forward and backwards constantly and I managed to write more with it.
Physics did not fail me that day , but man i did sure fail physics.

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During my first prostate exam, I've grabbed the doctor's penis

\-What the hell are you doing!?

Asked the doctor, to wich I answered:

\-Making sure it's really your finger that you use.

I ate the exam paper

Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

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I went for a prostate exam . . .

### I went to get a prostate exam and the doctor told me I need to stop masturbating...

I asked why?


"because I'm trying to examine you." - He replied

Four college girls went to take a career placement exam...

The examiner told them there is only one question - just unscramble the letters in a word. So they looked at the word and after a moment one girl said "I know what that says! It says SPINE!" "Congratulations!" said the examiner. "You will be a doctor." The other three girls examine the word some mor...

I had my French exam yesterday.

I couldn't do it. J'ai stupide.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

A man goes to the doctor and after the exam the doctor says, “I have some bad news. You have a fatal disease.”

The man says, “Oh my God! Doc, how long have I got?”

The doctor replies, “10.”

The man cries, “I don’t understand…. Ten what? Ten months? Ten weeks?”

To which the Doctor replies, “Nine… eight… seven….”

"During your exam you hit two curbs, ran a red light, and went too fast," said the examiner.

"But on the upside," I replied, "you haven't arrested me for drunk driving."

Good luck on your exams!

Specially if you are here and not studying!

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Little Bobby is angry at his sex-ed teacher, because he didnt pass the last exam

Now he plans his revenge with his friend Sam, who also failed in sex-ed.
Bobby: Listen, you will hide on this side of the door, and when she comes in you throw your jacket over her head, so she cant see us, then i will kick her in the balls.

I was in an English exam and they asked “Write the past tense of ‘Think'”

I thought and thought about this for ages.
Eventually, I went for ‘Thunk’.

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The Excuse

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weeke...

A lady goes to her doctor for a regular exam.

The doctor asks for a blood, stool and urine sample.

She replies, can I just leave my underwear I'm late for Bingo.

What did the tuna fish achieve after passing his exams?

He was an honored roll.

A proctologist fed up with his job decided to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a diesel mechanic.

He decides to enroll in a course at the local community college to learn the basics. He’s a talented student. Before he knows it, he’s acing all of the paper exams and quizzes.

At the final evaluation, the proctologist is asked to apply what he learned by completely disassembling, rebuilding,...

We can all agree that there is no exam harder...

Than the listening portion of the American Sign Language exam

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I'm role-playing as a doctor with my girlfriend

She takes off her pants and I tell her that a vaginal exam isn't covered by her insurance; then I dress up as an insurance salesman and fuck her over the phone for five hours straight.

The advantages of breast milk

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.

The question directed: 'Give four advantages of breast milk.' What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1...

The worse thing during prostate exam is when you get an erection... And they realize...

"Hang on, you are not a real doctor!"

I failed my maths exam because I stupidly went to the pub before it.

Don’t drink and derive, it’s not worth it.

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

What's the worst thing to say before a driving exam?

"This thing does have airbags, right?"

What's a Muslims favorite answer on a multiple choice exam?

D) Allah the above

A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and the man bends down. The Doctor sticks his finger and proceeds with the checkup. After about a minute the Doctor says:

\- Don't worry, it's very normal to get an erection during this exam.

The man replies:

\- But I don't have an erection....

“I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” Said my neighbor Mike.

Mike: “For example, do you know who Euclid is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the father of geometry. If you take night courses you would know this.”

The next day the same discussion took place:

Mike: “Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the...

I took my environmental science exam the other day and it went perfect; I proved myself to be an examplary student.

I put my exam paper in the recycling bin.

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

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A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

What is another name for your prostate exam?

Anal-aysis

I was writing an exam. The invigilator came beside me. He was surprised to see my answer sheet blank.

Invigilator:Why is your answer sheet blank?

Me:Sometimes silence is the best answer.

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam

I’d have $ 6.30 now.

I won’t be posting any jokes over the next few days. I've got to revise for a practical exam in pest control.

I'll probably be up all night swatting.

I'm proud that I got 40% on my Latin exam.

After all, you should always XL.

I got 69 out of 75 in my exam.

I was expecting nice comments but I only got ‘nice’ comments.

From a professional ethics exam for lawyers

You are a young lawyer. An old woman comes to you to get a will. After you're done she hands you an envelope with cash as payment. When you count the money you notice that she mistakenly put 100$ too much on the envelope. What do you do with the extra money?

A: Keep the money yourself

...

I had a breast exam today, it wasn't good.

I got 2 Ds.

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

As I got older, I’ve developed this embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during my proctology exams.

It makes my patients feel really uncomfortable.

I have a new tactic for school exams

Step 1. - Get a australian friend

Step 2. -Call him on the test day

Step 3. -He says results of your test

Step 4. -Ask him for answers

Thats all

sorry if i have bad english its not my native language

How to pass an exam?

Just answer "customer "

Because customer is always right!!!

There is a good chance you’ll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.

Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

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Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a robot that has to take an exam to become human.

Doctor: Don't worry, it'll pass.

The professor and student

The professor goes to the university canteen for lunch, a student sits across from him at the same table.
The professor gets annoyed with him and said: "A pig and bird do not eat together".
Student: "I apologize. Then I'll fly to another table".
The professor is very frustrated about the...

A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam

She passed.

Dad about son's exam results...

Dad: What happened to your result?

Son: There's one good news and one bad news.

Dad: Tell me the good one.

Son: I passed.

Dad: Great! And what's the bad news?

Son: The good news is wrong.

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What did Kurt Cobain say when he went to his prostate exam?

"Here we are now, enter anus"

What do you call it when a proctologist has to give his sister an exam?

Analysis

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A man goes to the doctor with a terrible problem

“Doctor, I think I have a problem with my farts. I can pass really loud gas, but no smell would come out of them.”

“That sounds serious. Can you try letting one out now?”

So the man farts, and true to his word, it’s so loud that the exam room’s windows even vibrate.

“Just as I f...

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student...

Guys late for exam

2 guys drove an hour to a bar from their school at the eve of their exam.

However they got drunk at the bar and didn't drive back. By the time they reach the exam hall, the professor has collected all the papers.

Both guys explained to the professor how one of their car tyre went flat ...

The most embarrassing erection I ever got was during a prostate exam.

Of course then he realised I wasn’t a real doctor.

Four roommates get drunk the night before an exam and they miss the test.

They go to the professor with a story that they got a flat tire on their way to take the exam and they beg for the chance to take a make-up exam.

The professor agrees.

On the day of the make-up test all four students show up right on time. The professor looks at his watch and says "be...

Teacher: A-A-ron got 6/100 on the exam.

*Entire class laughs*

A-A-ron got the highest.

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

‘C Z W I M T O S T A C Z’

“Can you read this?” The optician asked.

“Read it?!” The Polish man replied. “I even know the guy!”

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The attending physician advises that the patient will need a rectal exam. The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove...

As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Daniel."

The patient says, "My name isn't Daniel."

The doctor says, "Mine is."

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and...

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

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Guy walks into math exam not knowing anything

He apparently fails. So teacher gives him F.
Guy: please Mr.Donovan let me sing. I can sing like Freddie Mercury. Please let me sing, I promise you have never heard anything like that. and if I do so please give me a good grade.
Teacher looks at his colleagues and nods. Guy sings the shit...

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A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

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A pompous student is taking a college course but never shows up to class. on the day of exams...

On the day of exams the student comes in and starts writing his essay with the rest as if he’s been there the whole time. The professor sees this and thinks how weird it is that the kid is taking the exam without going to the classes. Anyways the time is nearing the end and the professor announces t...

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

A man is taking an eye exam, but is terrified of letters

During the eye exam, the doctor asks him to cover one eye and read out all the letters from top to bottom.

Man: I can't, I am terribly afraid of random letters.

Doctor: You are?

Man: [Screams]

Doctor: Oh, I see..

Man: [Screams louder]

I had to take an exam on gasoline today

I hope I got a high test score.

How my grandfather passed his immigration exam

My grandfather arrived in the U.S from Cuba in 1969 and he loved telling us about how proud he was to become a U.S. citizen and how he was able to pass the immigration test despite knowing very little English.



Story goes: He sits down with the immigration official who was having a ve...

The Biology Exam.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

What did I receive after got caught cheating on exams?

C's and D C's letter.

So will you open the window?

Students go to an Engineering Viva Exam.

The first guy goes into the interview room, and the professor begins the Viva with a question...

Let's say you are traveling by train and its getting hot. What will you do?

Open the window... he answers.

Very good...the professor c...

Two kids are hurrying to school on their bikes to get there for their maths exam.

They get into a car accident on the way and have to be rushed to hospital.

In hospital they're surrounded by friends and family, and their maths teacher keeps trying to get into the room and is repeatedly told off by the doctors.

Later that night the teacher sneaks in. Waking the kids...

Question in a medical board exam - Fill the blank - "When a young female faints, you immediately feel her p - - s - "

Those who answered PULSE are successful doctors today.

What did Tommy Wiseau get on his exam?

High mark.

Music exam

A friend failed his Australian music exam.
I asked
" Did you redo it"

Took my final exam on magic mushrooms

I passed with flying colors

People with glasses are elegidly smart

But they can't even pass an eye exam.

I’m really happy after my prostate exam...

....My doctor gave me the thumbs up!

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins.

An OBGYN got tired of her career and decided to train to become a mechanic.

Her final exam was taking apart a car engine and putting it back together. When she finished, the instructor announced that she scored a 150 on the exam even though it was only out of 100. When she asked how she scored so high, the instructor explained that she got the full 100 points for her work o...

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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A guy is sitting in the doctor’s office, when the doctor walks in..

“I have some bad news, you’re gonna have to stop jerking off” said the doctor. “I don’t understand doc, why?” Asked the patient. “Because I’m trying to continue the prostate exam!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

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