What's something you don't want to feel during a prostate exam?

The doctor putting his hands on your shoulders.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

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Went to the doctor's for a prostate exam

During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate .......

But I still wish he hadn't

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During my first prostate exam, I've grabbed the doctor's penis

\-What the hell are you doing!?

Asked the doctor, to wich I answered:

\-Making sure it's really your finger that you use.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't gi...

I just failed the entrance exam for the Marines ending my life long dream of being one.

They told us to color the American Flag and I'm the only one who didn't eat the crayons.

Prostate exam

So a guy goes in for a prostate exam and asks the doctor, "Where should I put my pants?"

And the doctor says, "Right over there, next to mine."

I failed my maths exam because I stupidly went to the pub before it.

Don’t drink and derive, it’s not worth it.

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear.

“Who was that?”

I ate the exam paper

Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test

I was going to join the marines, but I couldn't pass the final exam

No matter how hard I tried, my head just wouldn't fit into that jar

I took my environmental science exam the other day and it went perfect; I proved myself to be an examplary student.

I put my exam paper in the recycling bin.

I was writing an exam. The invigilator came beside me. He was surprised to see my answer sheet blank.

Invigilator:Why is your answer sheet blank?

Me:Sometimes silence is the best answer.

I have a new tactic for school exams

Step 1. - Get a australian friend

Step 2. -Call him on the test day

Step 3. -He says results of your test

Step 4. -Ask him for answers

Thats all

sorry if i have bad english its not my native language

I won’t be posting any jokes over the next few days. I've got to revise for a practical exam in pest control.

I'll probably be up all night swatting.

From a professional ethics exam for lawyers

You are a young lawyer. An old woman comes to you to get a will. After you're done she hands you an envelope with cash as payment. When you count the money you notice that she mistakenly put 100$ too much on the envelope. What do you do with the extra money?

A: Keep the money yourself

...

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Little Bobby is angry at his sex-ed teacher, because he didnt pass the last exam

Now he plans his revenge with his friend Sam, who also failed in sex-ed.
Bobby: Listen, you will hide on this side of the door, and when she comes in you throw your jacket over her head, so she cant see us, then i will kick her in the balls.

I was in an English exam and they asked “Write the past tense of ‘Think'”

I thought and thought about this for ages.
Eventually, I went for ‘Thunk’.

A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and the man bends down. The Doctor sticks his finger and proceeds with the checkup. After about a minute the Doctor says:

\- Don't worry, it's very normal to get an erection during this exam.

The man replies:

\- But I don't have an erection....

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

You have failed the space exam.

You're an astronot

How to pass an exam?

Just answer "customer "

Because customer is always right!!!

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Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a robot that has to take an exam to become human.

Doctor: Don't worry, it'll pass.

The worse thing during prostate exam is when you get an erection... And they realize...

"Hang on, you are not a real doctor!"

What is another name for your prostate exam?

Anal-aysis

I had a breast exam today, it wasn't good.

I got 2 Ds.

At my politics exam, I was asked what I thought about a nuclear war.

Apparently, "That sounds better to me than an intransparent old war," was not the expected answer.

How did osama bin laden do on his history exam?

He bombed it.

Dad about son's exam results...

Dad: What happened to your result?

Son: There's one good news and one bad news.

Dad: Tell me the good one.

Son: I passed.

Dad: Great! And what's the bad news?

Son: The good news is wrong.

I got 69 out of 75 in my exam.

I was expecting nice comments but I only got ‘nice’ comments.

What's a Muslims favorite answer on a multiple choice exam?

D) Allah the above

What's the worst thing to say before a driving exam?

"This thing does have airbags, right?"

I'm proud that I got 40% on my Latin exam.

After all, you should always XL.

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. ...

“I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” Said my neighbor Mike.

Mike: “For example, do you know who Euclid is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the father of geometry. If you take night courses you would know this.”

The next day the same discussion took place:

Mike: “Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the...

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What did Kurt Cobain say when he went to his prostate exam?

"Here we are now, enter anus"

What do you call it when a proctologist has to give his sister an exam?

Analysis

The most embarrassing erection I ever got was during a prostate exam.

Of course then he realised I wasn’t a real doctor.

Guys late for exam

2 guys drove an hour to a bar from their school at the eve of their exam.

However they got drunk at the bar and didn't drive back. By the time they reach the exam hall, the professor has collected all the papers.

Both guys explained to the professor how one of their car tyre went flat ...

I just got a prostate exam.

I have a very thorough dentist.

A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam

She passed.

As I got older, I’ve developed this embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during my proctology exams.

It makes my patients feel really uncomfortable.

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Guy walks into math exam not knowing anything

He apparently fails. So teacher gives him F.
Guy: please Mr.Donovan let me sing. I can sing like Freddie Mercury. Please let me sing, I promise you have never heard anything like that. and if I do so please give me a good grade.
Teacher looks at his colleagues and nods. Guy sings the shit...

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

Do you know who I am?

It was final exams for a senior level college class, and the exam counted as 75% of the grade.

The exam was also strictly timed.

5 minutes before the time was up, the professor gave a warning, "remember, 5 minutes left. When I say put your pencils down, you must do it, or you'll immedi...

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The attending physician advises that the patient will need a rectal exam. The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove...

As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Daniel."

The patient says, "My name isn't Daniel."

The doctor says, "Mine is."

After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear.

"Who was that?"

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

There is a good chance you’ll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.

Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

If I got 50c for each time I failed a math exam...

...I’d have $6.38 by now

How my grandfather passed his immigration exam

My grandfather arrived in the U.S from Cuba in 1969 and he loved telling us about how proud he was to become a U.S. citizen and how he was able to pass the immigration test despite knowing very little English.



Story goes: He sits down with the immigration official who was having a ve...

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and...

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A pompous student is taking a college course but never shows up to class. on the day of exams...

On the day of exams the student comes in and starts writing his essay with the rest as if he’s been there the whole time. The professor sees this and thinks how weird it is that the kid is taking the exam without going to the classes. Anyways the time is nearing the end and the professor announces t...

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A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, “Are you and your husband sexually active?” “Yes,” the woman said. “We have verbal sex everyday.” “Verbal sex?I think you mean oral sex” the doctor said. “I mean verbal sex.” the woman said.

“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’ ”.

In the exam for a med school, students were asked to rearrange the letters, N E P I S to form a body part.

Those who formed SPINE are doctors now.

A man is taking an eye exam, but is terrified of letters

During the eye exam, the doctor asks him to cover one eye and read out all the letters from top to bottom.

Man: I can't, I am terribly afraid of random letters.

Doctor: You are?

Man: [Screams]

Doctor: Oh, I see..

Man: [Screams louder]

Music exam

A friend failed his Australian music exam.
I asked
" Did you redo it"

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins.

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A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

I’m really happy after my prostate exam...

....My doctor gave me the thumbs up!

The Biology Exam.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could talk to her after class

Johnny:" Miss I believe im too smart for my age I want to move on directly to high-school, I'm bored in here."
Hearing that, teacher can't believe his audacity, but nevertheless aranges with the principal an exam in his office for the boy.
The principal is astounded to find that Johnny had an...

Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor...

Question in a medical board exam - Fill the blank - "When a young female faints, you immediately feel her p - - s - "

Those who answered PULSE are successful doctors today.

At my exam on religion I was given a multiple choice question to define atheism

Eventually I checked "none of the above."

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I failed my electronics exam today.

Apparently, a transistor is not a black woman dressed as a man

I failed my ventriloquists exam.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

How do you know if it's not your typical prostate exam?

When there's two hands on your back.

Took my final exam on magic mushrooms

I passed with flying colors

What did Tommy Wiseau get on his exam?

High mark.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student...

Four roommates get drunk the night before an exam and they miss the test.

They go to the professor with a story that they got a flat tire on their way to take the exam and they beg for the chance to take a make-up exam.

The professor agrees.

On the day of the make-up test all four students show up right on time. The professor looks at his watch and says "be...

What's the only class in high school with makeup exams?

Cosmetology.

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On math exam

Professor is fed up with the group of his students. So on exam he decides to flunk some students.
The first student comes in.
P: You’re driving a car. You feel really hot, what do you do?
S: I shall pull down a window
P: at what speed does the air come from outside inside the car?
The...

I’m making a pass/fail exam for churches who claim to throw good parties

It’s a lit-mass test.

Today I had two 3 hour exams with a three hour break in between.

My teacher told me not to sleep during the break. However he didn't say what I could do during the exams.

Two kids are hurrying to school on their bikes to get there for their maths exam.

They get into a car accident on the way and have to be rushed to hospital.

In hospital they're surrounded by friends and family, and their maths teacher keeps trying to get into the room and is repeatedly told off by the doctors.

Later that night the teacher sneaks in. Waking the kids...

My friend failed every exam he ever took and didn't complete his studies. Yet, he's rising to the top.

He's a window cleaner

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been ad...

I failed a lot of maths exams

More than I can count

During his exam, a medical student had to perform a surgery on a patient.

One of them passed.

The Religion Exam

A class of 30 students 10 year old students were set a Religion exam. One boy had not revised and decided the best course of action was to ask the girl next to him.

The boy poke the girl with his pencil to get her attention and whispers “What was the name of Christian Lord?”

The girl ...

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Daughter in law is pissed at her new doctor....

After a thorough exam he told her, "Well, it looks like you're pregnant."

She said, "What, I'm pregnant?!"

Doc said, "No, it just *looks* like it."

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Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

A man goes to the dentist for his six-month exam.

The man tells the dentist, “My teeth are great. I never use mouthwash, rarely brush my teeth, never floss, never use a breath mint, and eat onions and garlic with just about every meal. I also never have bad breath.” The dentist agrees his teeth are decent, but he will need an operation.


...

I’m going to be taking my drivers exam in a full stormtrooper outfit...

That way I won’t hit anything.

A man goes to the doctor.

The nurses do the initial exam, and then the doctor comes in.

Doctor: Okay, where is it hurting?

Man: I’m not telling. First reduce your price.

Doctor: Why would I reduce the price? It’s your injury!

Man: Then you figure it out.

Prostate Exam

I went to the doctors for a prostate exam. He said “I should make you aware that it’s perfectly normal to get an erection during this type of examination.”
I said “But I haven’t got an erection.”
“No,” he said, “but I have.”

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I went to get a prostate exam and the doctor told me I need to stop masterbating...

I asked why?

He said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepar...

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A college girl was desperate to pass a poetry class for which she was almost failing...

For the final exam, the professor announced the challenge of the year: he wanted the students to write something confident. Philosophical. Something that really meant "no worries."

Everyone went home and stayed up all night writing their final exam poetry, the girl including.

The next ...

Why don’t fish pass their exams?

Because they work below C-Level.

A young man went to get a prostate exam

youngman: "hey doc I never done one of this before."

doctor: "its fine just take your panta off."

youngman: "where should I put my pants?"

doctor: "next to mine is fine."

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What happens when Principal Skinner gets a prostate exam?

The doctor puts his Arm in Tamzarian.

Great students get A+ on their computer's exam

Genius student get C++

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.

Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted

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The human male ejaculate contains about 1500TB of information

Thats why I masturbate before an exam. I need to free up space.

So a White man and a Mexican man go to take an Aeronautics exam together...

In the lobby after the test, the White man says to the Mexican man,

"What did you put for your country of origin? I put the United States."

The Mexican man replied,

"N/A ese."

What did the optometrist say when he walked into another doctor's prostate exam

How many fingers is he holding up?

Just found out I've failed my German exam.

Sacre bleu!

An OB/GYN student is late for his final exam.

He races out of bed, gets dressed, and is out the door in 5 minutes. He quickly gets to the lecture hall, and sits down just in time to receive a test.


Unbeknownst to him however, he had run to the wrong room: the Law lecture hall. The student reads over the first question, assured in hi...

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I failed my fire safety exam today when the instructor asked me what steps I would take in case I see a fire.

“Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.

I got a proctology exam from my doctor yesterday.

I really need to find a new dentist.

What do you call an exam at a Jewish gynecologist?

A pap schmear

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A guy is late to a college exam (longish)

The professor is a known hard ass and when he arrives the professor tells him that because was late he can't take the test. The guy insists and snatches a test off the professors desk. He sits down and furiously starts to write his answers.

Students start to finish the test one by one and ...

Four college students have been out partying for a night before an exam.

The next morning, they wake up and realize they're late, so as they make their way to the exam, they come up with excuses to make for the professor.

By the time they arrive the exam is almost over, so they head over to the professor to ask if they can take it the next day. They tell him they ...

What's the worst thing to hear immediately after a prostate exam?

The nurse walk in and say "Who was that guy?"

If I had a dollar for every time I changed the correct answer in exams,

I'd probably pick it up first but then leave it thinking it's wrong.

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