Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together.....

......they are calling themselves Dire Rea.

Did you hear that Dire Straits are opening a cafe?

They take money for muffins, but the chips are free.

What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?

OMAN...

Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East..

They should check out Qatar George...
He knows all the Kurds.

It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.

The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"

The opposite of George Strait...

is George Michaels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're in the middle of the bosporus strait and you hang your butt over the side of the boat and poop would that be an icbm?

An intercontinental bowel movement?

Why did the tuna cross the strait?

To get to the other tide.

I yelled “cow!” at a woman on a bike.

She gave me the finger. Then she plowed her bike strait into the cow.

I tried.

What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?

A strait pride parade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, Bartender, I got me a bet for you.

I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can pi...

Why are Canadians so smart

Because they always get strait eh’s

What's the most effective way to make it to Russia from Alaska?

Boat a compass and keeping your berings strait.

TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...

Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost my watch at a house party one time. Saw a guy steppin on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to him...

...punched him strait in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

A blonde and a brunette inherit their family ranch...

A pair of sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherited their family ranch when their parents passed away.

The ranch was in dire straits. To save it, the brunette sister decided to take a risk: she would put all the money in their savings towards buying a bull to repopulate the ranch.
...

Only one man is happy about what's going on in Texas.

George Strait.
I can just picture him watching the news while singing "All my ex's live in Texas".

Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....

...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those dam...

The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost.

The year is 13,000 BC. The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost.

"You alright?" They ask him, waiting eagerly at the shore with a distant view of the new lands that awaited them.

"Yeah, I th...

At the IRS audit

IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free.

Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that?

IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits.

A man is diagnosed with a terminal illness...

He goes to his friend who is also a doctor for a second opinion.

Doctor says, "I've reviewed the test results- You've only got about 6 months left to live." The man says, "Doc give it to me strait is there anything I can do?!" Doc says, "As a your doctor or as your friend?" - "as a friend, do...

Two men are in the operating room

Two men are in the operating room getting prepared for surgery.



One says to the other, "Hey buddy, what are you in for?"



The other says, " I'm here to get my tonsils taken out"





The first man says "Oh that's not so bad. I had that done when I was...

What's a rappers shirt made out of?

Strait out of cotton

Got Change?

An elderly couple is in financial dire straits. Their pension is running out and things are starting to look desperate.

After several pointless job interviews and attempting to sell some junk from the attic, they reach the sad conclusion that the only hope they have is for the wife to sell h...

What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?

One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.

^badump ^tssss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there no gays in a mental asylum?

Because they can't wear a strait-jacket.

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