Focus On Jokes - 51 Hilarious Focus On Jokes

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

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I'm thinking of starting a business with focus on laxatives.

It just gets shit done.

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A writer moves to a rural area so he can focus on his writing without distractions

After getting settled in he sits down to start writing and is immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

He answers to door to find an old scraggly looking man in dirty overalls, with very few teeth, and a long unkempt beard. The old man looks very excited to see him.

Howdy ne...

I just quit my job to focus on prospecting for gold

I'm just waiting to see how things pan out

my friend told me I always focus on the least exciting parts while telling a story

I was so surprised by his words I almost took a wrong turn and screwed up our escape from the police

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...

The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.

What do you have when you don't focus on your tools?

No attention spanner.

If I can't focus on my work because someone is rapping about me

then I've been diss track-ted

My psychiatrist said I should focus on inner peace while quarantined by finishing everything left undone...

I looked around the house and found half a bottle of merlot, some gin, a litl scotch, som old scriptun of valum adn oxtdkl.

Harry and Meghan announced that they were stepping away from the royal family to focus on their work...

This is the first time someone is quitting their family to spend more time with their job

My New Years resolution for 2020 took me awhile to focus on but I think I’ve got it.

Clear vision

I'm taking a course with a focus on muscle fatigue.

I don't want to talk about it.

...It's a sore subject.

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

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Many people say they have ADD because they can't focus on their homework. It pisses me off.

See, I really have ADD, and

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Boobs

The ultimate proof men can focus on two things at once.

So I was watching tv last night and saw a trailer for the new fantastic four movie. It looks like its going to focus on their kids and how they team up to fight crime.

Apparently its going to be called "The Fantastic Four's Kin"

A man owned a Greek island, but there so much paperwork that came with tourists travelling there that he always had to sit inside working. Eventually, he decided to pass the island on to someone else. This way he could spend more time outside and focus on his real passion - maths.

So, he signed over Kos and got a tan instead.

Jail importance

Why you should go in jail as an entrepreneur ?

- No cost of living
- gym and rehab park
- surrounded by hustlers
- taxes pay for you
- time off from family, gf , friends to focus on THE GRIND

Why ate pessimists so good at developing photos

Because they always focus on negatives

Father's Dreams

son : Dad, do you have any dreams you want to accomplish?
dad : I gave up on my dreams years ago kiddo, but let's focus on yours
son : oh, but how many years ago exactly did you give up?

dad : well how old are you?

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

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Mortician.

A mortician was going about his typical day of embalming and what not, when he came across a client that had the biggest male member he had ever seen. Even by porn standards his hog was huge. So the mortician decides he needs to preserve this monstrosity of man meat because this definitely has to be...

A king was settling a dispute with three of his nobles...

...over the appropriate response for a neighboring country expanding it's borders into the kingdom's territory. Unfortunately, none of the nobles were able to focus on the same subject.
One noble was discussing interrupting trade while another was shouting to the king to send military traini...

They banned talking on mobile phones while driving in Germany

With the new law, a man went to an electronics shop looking for something that would help him to answer his calls, but still keep his focus on driving. The store employee offered to have his brother Hansel ride with him and put the phone up to his ear when it rang.

The man said "No, that won'...

Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor.

I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.

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Sportsman's Callenge

(25/M) I was at the bar the other night. Early. I could read my book, and drink my bourbon without distraction. I'm reading, drinking, enjoying my time.

About an hour in, a very good looking older woman walks in. She sits right next to me and orders a Bulleit bourbon, light rocks. As that's w...

Why do narcissists take blurry photos ?

They can only focus on themselves

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

A sailor is stationed on an exotic island for months...

He writes to his wife and tells her "I miss you so much, and I'm surrounded by gorgeous island woman every day. I need something to keep my mind off of them so I don't cheat."

The wife responds with a package and a letter that says "I miss you, too, and I have a solution to your predicament. ...

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

The Captain's red shirt

Bored of living in poverty in the late 1700's, Finn decides he wants a slice of the pie in the high stakes world of pirates. He knows pirates dock down in the bay by his village, so once he spots them, he manages to sneak aboard one of the ships. He eventually gets discovered, and rather than throw ...

What do English teacher and Coke dealers have in common?

Focus on the last line.

I’m so tired of yo mama jokes...

...So I decided to focus on yo daddy instead.
Yo daddy’s so stupid. So stupid he married yo mama.

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don’t do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

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Sad But True

A 37 yr old virgin, exiting a bus, passes the grand opening of a new pet store, on her way to work. Out in front of the pet store on a perch is a parrot. Now there's a reason why this lady is a virgin and it is not by choice. So as she's passing the parrot, it says, "Hey lady" A little amused, she r...

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

A woman full of bruises goes to the doctor

Doctor: oh my God! What happened to you.

Woman: every time my husband gets home drunk he beats the hell out of me.

Doctor: oh I see, here take this lollipop, the next time your husband gets drunk, just take that lolipop out and start sucking it, don't think or say anything just focus o...

I'm against high school students...

Stay off the drugs and focus on your education!

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good!

Actually, the full sentence was "You're pretty annoying." but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.

Did you hear about the microbiologist who tore his pants?

He had to abandon his experimments to focus on some jean splicing.

I just had a scoliosis correction surgery

When I woke up, the doctor said "well, now that we've got that all straightened out, we can focus on recovery"

I design castles. AMA!

For this AMA, I'd like to focus on rampart.

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

Donald Trump's plan for the first 100 days is going exactly according to plan...

Now that he's finished building the swamp he can focus on draining the wall.

A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview

The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.

The interviewer eventually asks him "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

The man, very prepared for this common question says: "Well, I see myself still working at this company having received a number of promoti...

An Asian, an European and an American is stranded on an island after surviving a sinking ship accident.

They now want to start a new society, at least until they're rescued.

The American decides to be the minister of building and construction and the European takes the position as the minister of food and cooking.

Left over, the Asian is now pretty disappointed that they can't find any m...

So a crow sits alone in a park...

A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, ...

So, a guy is at the Superbowl championship game when he notices the seat next to his is empty.

He finds this very odd but forgets about it quickly. A little bit later he notices that the seat is still empty. He tries to forget about it and focus on the game. An empty seat at the Superbowl is just too weird though. He then asks the guy in the seat two seats over if he knows what's up with the ...

A lone traveller, weary and famished from days on the road, stumbles across an old inn on a desolate mountain trail.

His eyes light up as he sees light coming from the windows, realizing he is about to enjoy his first hot meal in weeks.

He bursts through the doors of the inn and finds it bustling with activity. Every table is packed with patrons merrily drinking and feasting.

The traveller searches ...

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