Capital Punishment Jokes - 18 Hilarious Capital Punishment Jokes

I have no problem with capital punishment in theory.

Just in execution.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

Have you heard a joke about capital punishment?

Apparently, they're very hard to execute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

Two old men are talking about capital punishment

The first old man says "I never did like it. My grandpappy was the last man hanged in this here state",
Second old timer, is surprised since they've known each other for a long time, "You never told me that before, -what did he do?"
First man thinks about it for a second and answers, "we...

Everyone is debated capital punishment nowadays talking about lethal injection and humane treatment. Me, I think we should just shoot them in the head...

Seems like a no-brainer to me

The judge told me I might get capital punishment for my crimes, and asked me if I knew what it meant..

I didn't, so I told him to use it in a sentence.

There is a type of capital punishment where the executioner yells mispronounced words at the inmates until they die.

It's called lethal inflection.

Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?

Capital punishment?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man obsessed with trains gets a job driving one in a faraway country...

Some day, for absolutely no reason, he goes a little crazy and starts speeding up more than he should. In a winding curve, he loses control and the train goes off track killing hundreds of people. He goes to court and is sentenced to the capital punishment for the murder. On the death row, the execu...

A woman is being interviewed for jury selection

She says to the judge, “I can’t be on the jury since I don’t believe in capital punishment.”

The judge replies, “Don’t worry, ma’am. This case is about a man who promised his wife an expensive necklace for their anniversary but blew all the money playing roulette.”

“Oh, in that case,” ...

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

What do you call it when you reprimand upper case letters?

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

About 50 years ago in Texas

The bee protection act was passed which made it illegal to sabotage/kill bees from other farmers.

This was due to the fact that many bee farmers would sabotage each other and it became so big that Texas congress had to pass a law.

The problem was so big that it allowed for capital puni...

The Stanley Cup Finals left me so angry last night..

I demand capital punishment.

What do Caps Lock and prison have in common?

A minor touch and you get capital punishment.

A beautiful young girl of around 18 years tried to board a bus.

A beautiful young girl of around 18 years,tried to board a bus but the bus conductor didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge was ...

Here's the best one I know. It's a bit long...but I have faith in you ;)

A doctor, a lawyer,and an engineer are sentenced to death. Why is not important to the story...what's important is that the death sentence will be carried out in France - via guillotine.

The doctor is first. The executioner straps him down, hoists the glittering blade aloft, and lets it drop....

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