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A tourist is backpacking through the highland of Scotland (Taken from Andrew Stanton’s Ted talk)

A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub to get a drink. The only people in their is the bartender and an old man drinking a beer. He orders a pint and they sit in silence and drink for a while.

Suddenly the old man turns to him and says, “ye see this ...

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A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

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An American moves to the Scottish Highlands...

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands. After 3 months he gets a knock on his door from one of the local residents.
"So I heard ya just moved here, an' I wanted to tell ya I was throwin' a party. Do ya want to come?"
"Sure," the American replies, "A party would be awesome!"
"But ...

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

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An American Man Moves to Scotland

Fed up with his life in the states he packs up everything he owns and moves to a tiny cottage in the far north highlands of Scotland. He lives there quietly content for over a month before meeting anyone.

One day the American hears a knock on his door and opens it to find his neighbor a big, ...

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch.

The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt. He carefully pours a shot into a clean glass and put in on the bar. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his throat in one gulp. The bartender is aghast and says " Whoa, whoa that is 17 year old nectar fro...

A Scotsman Moves to London

A young man from the Highlands moved to the big city to seek his fortune. After settling in for a couple of weeks, his mum calls him to check in.

"How do ye like the city so far, son?" She asked him.

"Ma, it's just the most wonderful place in the world. So much to see and do. But my ne...

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

Why do the Scotts wear kilts?

Because in the Highlands, sheep can hear zippers for *miles*.

Tour guide

A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.

When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"

Another guy from the tou...

My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland]

An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.

"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"

The Englishman look...

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A student was working on her doctorate in anthropology ...

and researching for her thesis titled “Dichotomous Dystopian Misogyny in Contemporary Central American Folklore”. She traveled to rural Mexico to track down Poncho ‘Two Guns’ Valdez, a mythic bandito of the Central American highlands.


She walked into a bar and asked the bar tender. “Do yo...

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MacGregor the Builder

An American was backpacking across the Scottish highlands, when he came across a small village where he decided to spend the night.

Upon entering the local pub that evening for some drinks with the locals, he found himself in a conversation with one particularly drunk and indignant individual...

One night at a pub . . .

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.

The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."

The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, ...

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