Ness Jokes

Fish and Ships

She snatched the atheist up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing thim up in the air. Just before the atheist fell into Nessie's jaws he cries out

"Oh god help me!"

Amazingly, time froze and God appeared next to the atheist. God asked:
"My son, all your life you have fo... read more

Wednesday

For the free-tiddy.

When all of the sudden, the Loch Ness Monster comes up and begins thrashing his boat around. The monster tosses him into the air. On his way down he shouts "God, help me!"

Everything stops. He is mere feet from the monster's mouth. Then a loud booming voice comes from the heavens and asks:... read more

Yes you are.

It is a documented fact that these dangerous monsters have never approached anyone who had a camera.

A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

She thought he didn’t even know she existed!

Suddenly, they hear a strange rumbling. They look into the water and see a shadowy object moving quickly below them. Just as one of the men begins to speak, the boat is thrown twenty feet above the waterline and capsizes.

"It's the Loch Ness Monster!" they scream. Panicking, the men frantical... read more

Nick all the sturgeon

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Please help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack sc... read more

A Ford F-tree-fiddy

When all of the sudden, the Loch Ness Monster bursts out of the water and poises to eat its next victim. The Atheist yells "Oh, please God, help me!" Time stopped and all of the sudden, God questions in a booming voice, "I thought you did not believe in me?" The Atheist stands up and says, "Well, I ... read more

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

I'm telling you, remove the P-ness from their A-ness and they calm right down

One day, an atheist man was out fishing in a boat on Loch Ness.

After a few hours sitting in the middle of the lake, the boat shook hard and Nessie suddenly appeared from underneath.

Within a few seconds, the boat was destroyed and the was in the air, above the open jaws of the monster... read more

Your Royal High-ness

Bit by bit

(Apologies for dad-ness and possible repost)

Because they are no longer orphans when their orphan-ness becomes apparent

SO might be in a state of Angry or not Angry-ness but once you ask she will be Angry (very).
This is ruled by:

1. She will get mad at you if you ask her if she is angry.
2. She will get mad at you if you don't ask her if she is angry.

So there was this man who lived in Canada. He was bored of his work life, and it was Christmas time, so he decided to go on vacation, and he settled on Mexico. He went to Mexico, and after arriving to his hotel, he decided to ask the man behind the desk about tourist locations. The man told him abou... read more

He performs a lit-ness test

Or spell ICUP, look at your chest and spell attic, or spell IHOP then say "ness"

None of your abyss-ness