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Cam Jokes

I once saw Medusa on a cam girl site

I was rock hard the entire time

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Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. When she returned, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

To the person who stole the password to my cam profile:

I’m coming for you.

Thomas the Tank Engine's friend Fernando, who does the Mexico route was caught on dash cam video accelerating instead of braking for a stuck church van full of disabled children while yelling obscenities and screaming USA USA

When asked about his reasons for such carnage he said he's just loco and those are loco motives.

(Made it up with my son)

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

What do adult cam models and anti-vaxxers have in common?

Both always end up lying in bed deep-throating a plastic tube.

[NSFW] Russian cam models are currently being investigated.

They're accused of meddling in U.S. erections.

I was looking out the window this morning and saw a man mugging someone at gunpoint. I took my phone and started recording but realized I had the front cam on. He got away before I could switch.

Welp, I can see myself making this mistake again.

I met a baby frog with a great grandfather that cam from Warsaw

He said that made him a tad Pole

What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

My wife and I made a list of people we can sleep with if we ever met. She picked Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, and Cam Gigandet

I picked her sister, her cousin, and our neighbor because men are simple like that.

If grass is to cows what fish is to cats, then what are donations to twitch cam girls?

Food for thot.

What kind of lingerie attracts the most donations for cam girls?

White knighties.

Why did the U.S send Cam Newton to North Korea?

So he could overthrow Kim Jong-Un

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A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no lu...

Add a word to ruin a movie:

**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**



Your Turn :)

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Magical Octopus

There was once a Man who traveled with the local fair, portraying his Magical Octopus. One fair a little boy cam up and said "how is he magical?" the man replied with " he can sing and play any instrument" so the little boy handed over his harmonica to the octopus. The octopus glanced at it, picked ...

Kept having my Amazon packages stolen off my porch ordered a security cam to deter/catch the culprit.

That package was stolen too.

I searched on google “how to start a forest fire.”

It cam up with around 48,500 matches.

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Why did King Arthur participate in so many video conferences?

Because he likes to be on cam a lot.

A Scotsman on his deathbed

A Scotsman was close to death, and asked that his sons be brought to him before it was too late.

The oldest son went in to see him and the father said:
“Son, I’m aboot to die, and I’d like ta gi ye a little somethin’ ta remember me by”

“Well, da, ye know I’ve always wanted a tartan ...

The women of King Arthur's court must have been very happy

They Camelot

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Doug Pender

... lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed. He knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a cam-corder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:...

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Ladies night out...

So, two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night. One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off. So they're driving ...

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Turning into stone

There were two boys taking a walk through the woods. They eventually cam upon a nice calm river. While they are enjoying the view they notice a woman standing in the nude, bathing. Immediately after seeing her one of the boys runs back through the woods. The other boy chased him and when he catches ...

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A man's wife catches him watching porn

She gets hurt and angry and asks him why he needs that.

He says, "I'm sorry, but these cam girls do things you would never do, honey."

She says, "That's simply not true! You just didn't scroll down far enough."

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Little Johnny stomps on some honeybees....

One day little Johnny was playing outside. As he was feeling particularly reckless, Johnny kicked a beehive. The honeybees cam out of the hive and started swirling around Johnny. This pissed Johnny off so he stomped on the bees. His father witnessed this and told him: “Don’t do that! No honey for a ...

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TIL that 84% of Redditors classify themselves as bi-sexual. [OC]

The other 16% are the CamGirls who are Sell-sexual

What do the Knights of the Round Table and Onlyfans have in common?

They Camelot

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The Talking Bird

Alright, so there is this guy that I am friends with who's job has been sending him away on business trips lately. He is away from home for sometimes 4-5 days at a time. He is married. No kids. This wife of his, well, she is super fuckin' hot. Like, she is at least a 9/10 and she knows it too. ...

What do you call an egyptian god with a photographic memory?

Cam-Ra

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A man notices a huge wristwatch in his friend's garden

A man notices a huge wristwatch, towering everything, in his friend's garden .
"What's with this giant wristwatch here ?", the visitor says.

The man smiles and says :
"Oh, I got it thanks to this magic lamp ! You can try it if you want !"

The man gives the Aladdin-li...

3 drunk guys entered the taxi

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, ''We have reached our destination''. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said ''Thank you!.'' The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd guy knew what he did...

What do you call an Isis execution recorder

A daesh cam

I noticed in Canada websites end in .ca, in the U.S. with .com.

I'm willing to wager that in Russia it ends with -cam.

A man takes his mother to a nursing home.

A man and his family one day decided it was to take their mother to live at a nursing home.

When they arrived at the facility, her son went in to file paperwork and talk to the administrator while the mother sat on a bench outside of the office.

A rather nice orderly cam and sat down b...

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There is this regular at a bar who has the body of a God, perfectly sculptured, but he also has a very tiny head; which kind of makes for a funny look.

And so, one day, the bartender musters the courage to mention the funny look, and ask if there was a story behind it.

"Well, I was walking this desert one day, when I cam upon an old style lamp. I rubbed it clean with my sleeve, and poof, a genie came out. It held the shape of a woman, an...

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I used to have this friend who always called me Fi-Fi

You know, because my name is Philip. I was always disappointed that I couldn't do the same with her.

Her name was Camille, that would've just been a shitty nickname.

My wife wants to do adult videos at a high elevation

She'll be camming around the mountain when she comes

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

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