The DJ played the Cha Cha Slide, so I did the Cha Cha Slide,

The DJ played Macarena, so I did the Macarena,

The DJ played Come On Eileen, and now I have an upcoming court appearance.

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk, “I’d like a pound of kielbasa please.”

The clerk looks at him, squints his eyes, and says, “You’re Polish, aren’t cha?”

The man looks surprised and says, “Now how did you know that? Was it because I asked for the national meat of Poland? Or did something else give it away?”

The clerk replies, “It’s because this is a hardwar...

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NSFW. What do lyrics from the cha cha slide and a redditors average sex duration have in common?

One hump this time

What’cha call a dear with one eye?

No idea

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

A new study claims that fertility is hereditary.

If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't have them either.

The Difference Between Heaven And Hell

In Heaven ...

The British are the police
The French are the cooks
The Swiss are the government
The Italians are the lovers
The Germans are the mechanics

In Hell ...

The British are the cooks
The French are the government
The Swiss are the lovers
The It...

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

The naming of Canada

Long ago, in a stuffy statehouse, a group of men, living in the northern part of the North American Continent sat around thinking of what to name their new country.


Man 1: So, I don't wanna be stepping on any toes here but I think our country should have a C, eh?

Man 2: Dont'cha...

Cain, the first murderer, walks into a bar.

The bartender says "hey, you're new here, ain't'cha? We've got a promotion going on here; if you can land this ping pong ball in that cup over there, you get a free drink. up for it?"


Cain responds "Sorry, I don't think I'm Abel."

I've noticed a lot of translated jokes lately, and wanted to try one myself

so here's one translated to Klingon:

'ar SuvwI' screw neH lightbulb tlhap 'oH?

chay' yong chaH pa' je wa'DIch Daq Sovlu'chugh vIneH!

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What would Hitlers name have been if he was born an Asian?

Lin Cha-Ju.

The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is grou...

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha ching

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One day a boy is walking down an old dirt road...

arms full of duck tape and he comes across an cabin with an old man sitting on the front porch. The old man sees the boy and says, "Say son, what'cha need all that duck tape for?"

"I'm going to catch me some ducks!"

"Boy!! You ain't gunna catch no *DAMN* ducks with no *DAMN* duck tape!...

What does a Chinese man say when he makes money?

Cha-Qing

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Johnny's Date

Two friends got lucky after one night at the bar and picked a lady each. When they decided to go down to the nitty gritty they found out they have no money left for the hotel room and knew already the ladies wouldn't do anything on the car so they remembered that his friend Johnny lived alone and th...

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My wife thinks I'm insecure, and that the only reason I'm keeping her is because she is great in bed.

But you fuckers already know that, don't cha?

Do you know why Trump's name is on all of his buildings?

So the banks know which ones to take back!

Ha cha cha!!

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A boy is carrying something past an old man on his porch...

The old man sees him and says "Boy, what'cha got there?"

"Duck tape old man. Imma catch me some ducks!"

"You can't catch ducks with no duck tape." says the old man.

The boy doesn't listen and walks on. 5 minutes later the boy comes back with 10 ducks all caught up in the tape a...

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There was a little boy celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his ...

I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

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Anything you want.

Bob is to the point where he's feeling good, but still a beer or so away from drunk. As he's contemplating his navel, a young woman sidles up next to him and starts blowing into his ear. At first he's taken aback, and tries to brush her away. But then he takes a good look at her and realizes she is ...

So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...

and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked

"So, what do you do?"

He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"
<...

A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve

Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?

Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.

Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?

Boyfriend: 1080p

Ole and Sven go to Hell (long)

One day, Satan was walking through Hell, making sure the souls were properly tormented, until he came upon an unusual sight. Sitting next to a lava pool were Ole and Sven, decked out in parkas, hats, boots and gloves.

Confused, Satan walks up to them and asks them why they're dressed for win...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

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An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

Big Pause

A bear walks into a tavern and sits at the bar.

The bartender says, "What can I get’cha there, Bruno?"

The bear says, "I'll have a rum and..."

He's silent for 30 seconds, then adds, "Coke."

The bartender says "OK. But what's with the big pause?"

The bear lift...

My most recent

What's the name of the richest man in China?

Cha Ching

Everybody was running out of the Old West town...

The Eastern dude watched in amazement as he walked to his saloon to open up for the day. He stopped a passerby to ask what was going on.

"Ain'tcha heard? Big Bad Bob's a-comin' He'll turn this town upside down and I don't wanna be here when that happens!"

The dude can't quit...

The thief was cracking the safe...

in a warehouse. Suddenly, a parrot in the rafters squawked "Hey! What'cha doin' down there?"
The thief waited a bit, but nothing else happened, so he went back to work on the safe. Occasionally, the parrot would repeat his question.
After 15 minutes or so, he feels hot air on his ea...

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