Pls Jokes

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a... read more

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photog... read more

or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said ” you look cute.. I like you.”…. The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said “My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home a... read more

pls ignore

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor and decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them up sinc... read more

The three lawyers buy a ticket each while the engineers by only one. The lawyers laugh at the engineers crying how can three people travel by train using only one ticket. The engineers respond with “you’ll see”.



They all board the train and the lawyers take a seat while the engineers ... read more

Whenever I start the car it says “Haudi” .

I'd tell you a good chem joke but the best ones argon.

Would we call her husband a first ladyboy?


pls laugh I'm so depressed

“I’m scared” I replied

“Don’t worry” the doctor said. “It’s all in your head”

Pls don’t roast me too much for this one I think I made it up

A priest walked into a hotel in the month of march and asked the manager- "is room no. 39 empty?

Manager- yes it's empty. You can take it

Priest: ok

Manager: And yes my room right in front of room 39 so if you face any difficulties just call me

Priest: ok and pls send a k... read more

A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. I can't feel the taste of anything."** The Doctor replies **"Don't worry. I will give you a syrup and you wil regain your taste buds. Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."** The man drinks the content of the blue bottle and... read more

Because he's got 2020.



P.S. - I'm not even from America so pls dont hate me

In a communest

(pls ^dont ^^be ^^^repost)

After the delivery


(Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family)

none of them looked appealing


pls be nice, i thought of this in the shower :)

Mi Yao
[this is my first post here be nice pls]

It was very off Putin

(This is one of my first jokes, pls don't hate)

MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

ME: -Tea pls.

MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.

MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?... read more

Hi everyone. I don't know if this is allowed. If not, pls recommend where I can go.

I work in a furniture store and we want to have fun with our outdoor sign. One liners or zingers. PG13.

Give it your best shot, furniture based. The best jokes are always in the comments.

I'll go... read more

R.I.P







Hehehehe im sorry pls don't hurt me

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

Pls help.

Because they have WHISKYers.
(OC by 11 year old me, no hate pls)

They used a pair of “caesars”
(I made this in my global class, if you guys don’t know what happened during the Roman Empire they were so big to control that they divided into two)
pls no bully me

The critic says that he had watched almost all the films in the world ,which were from all the countries in the world.
The Interviewer asks him whether he knew some Spanish films , and if he did, to name them .

He replies by saying he does and gives the names of some famous Spanish movi... read more

"Cover me!"


Forgive me pls

(I'm not sure if this is a repost or not cause I haven't seen it on Reddit so pls no report)

She goes first "I had an $8 salad and some water to drink. He had a $25 steak and multiple beers. He proceeded to ask to split the bill 50/50."

He then says "That's nothing compared to my worst!"

The wife asks "What happened"?

He said "It wasn't the date itself, but what followe... read more

*Wall-Mart*

^^pls ^^no ^^kill ^^I ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^at ^^2 ^^in ^^the ^^morning

A poke-mon!

Pls don't hurt me.

and one says to the other “I hear that they eat dogs here”.”Odd”, her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the americans do.” Nodding emphatically one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.”Two dogs pls” she says. The... read more

... but still misses some answers.

She asks for a help her best friend,

"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."

"Across or down?" asks her friend.

"It's across"

"Then it should be lips"

A chap called Ohm was the proud owner of a classy Rolls Royce Phantom. Now, Ohm was a very eccentric lad, so he decided to speed on the motorway with his best pal Mark. Ohm then proceeded to blaze a trail down the motorway.
After 5 minutes Ohm sped past an active police car, and eventually got ca... read more

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor ?

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I am afraid the... read more