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Advent Calendar Jokes

I bought a Russian advent calendar.

Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got an advent calendar for Jehovah's Witnesses...

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

Every year, I’m amazed that advent calendars continue to sell out.

I thought their days were numbered.

I don't have an advent calendar

So I'm just opening cupboards and eating whatever is in there

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a Microsoft advent calendar...

But if you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no fucking reason.

Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar

but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more...

My advent calendar only has days that end in 1,3,5,7,9.

That’s odd.

I came home to find all the windows wide open and everything had been taken.

Next year I'll be hiding my advent calendar.

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

I can never finish anything

so I bought a cyanide advent calendar.

Xmas Joke Help

Hi All,

So December 1st is upon us (in Australia at least) and that means that it is time for me to begin my annual tradition of posting daily status updates on facebook with terrible xmas jokes until xmas. An advent calendar of xmas cracker jokes if you will.

Anyway this is my third o...

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

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