UPJOKE
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A robber was preparing to break into a butcher's to steal meat.

He decided not to in the end, as the stakes were too high.

An American, a Pole and an Israeli arrive at the butcher's shop

There's a notice on the door:

# Shortage today, no meat, sorry

The American: What's 'shortage' ?

The Pole: What's 'meat' ?

The Israeli: What's 'sorry' ?

I went to the butcher's shop...

I went to the butcher's shop around the block from my house to get some ribeyes for the long weekend. I'm excited because I don't eat steak very often and these are dry aged to perfection, cut an inch and half thick and pretty much the best steaks you can get! I'm all set to leave, when I notice a ...

My neighbor failed the entrance exam for butcher's school.

He didn't make the cut.

I made a clock. The big hand is a butcher's knife, the small hand is a paring knife, and the clock face is a sharpening stone.

There's never a dull moment.

Did you hear the one about the Butcher's pet pig?

It didn't make the cut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a butcher's shop

The man wants to buy some spread sausage: "Good morning, can I get some from the coarse and thick one, please?"

Butcher: "I'm sorry, but she's at trade school today."

I went to a new butcher's today with my wife...

And the butcher propositioned me: "If you can grab all the meat off the top shelf in 10 seconds, you'll get it all for free! However if you fail, I get to spend the night with your wife!"

I looked at the meat and I thought about it for a moment then replied: "I'd like to try but I just can't....

The butcher's wife always messes up everyone's order.

We call her Miss Steak.

What did the cow say after hearing butcher's joke?

You are killin' me man!

Let me introduce you to the butcher's wife

Meet Patty.

A man goes into a butcher's shop

and says "I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf."

The butcher says: "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high."

My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets.

"No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."

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