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Bras Jokes

what do you call an app for shopping bras ?

Brawser

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Men are like bras

A good one will give you support and lift you up.

A bad one is just there to touch your boobs.

I took a girl back to my apartment and she said, “You don’t have too much experience in taking off bras, do you?”

Me: What gave me away?

Her: The scissors, mostly.

They should make all bras wireless

it's 2022....i really don't think you still have to plug them in to charge.

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because God supports everything

Why do mermaids wear seashell bras?

Because the B-shell bras were too small and the D-shell bras were too big.

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There were a couple of strange items at the estate sale of a eccentric collector. One was a couple of Dolly Parton's used bras, the other King Edwards used Enema...

The appraiser was surprised that they sold at all, especially the used enema, as it still had fecal matter on it. What surprised him most is that the enema actually sold for more money than the bras. The auctioneer wasn't surprised at all because he plays poker and knows that a royal flush always ...

I stand against women who don't wear bras

As much as I was behind those who wore leggings.

Expect a shortage of bras

The cargo ship cupsized.

My wife bought herself new bras for Christmas

She was updating her firmware

Those push-up bras aren't very good, are they?

I wore my wife's to the gym this morning and I still couldn't manage more than six.

Best friends are like bras..

Close to your heart and there for support

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A Chinese man enters a Jew's lingerie store...

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 bl...

What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King??

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

Boys are like bras..

They are cute and supportive until you use them too long and then they fall apart...

...also that's when the support ends

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Bras are annoying:

They really get on my tits.

I am from the UK and have no idea whether this works in any other country at all.

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There are people cutting bras in half to make face masks now

Some of them look like right tits.

An arab guy walks into a bra store owned by a Jewish guy on a sunday afternoon...

The arab guy finds a bra he likes and asks for the price. Jewish guy being the business man that he is says "This is a great bra it's really starting to get polular. I can sell you each for 50 bucks." The arab guy nods and says "sure I'll buy 100."
The next sunday the arab guy comes back to bra s...

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My wife bought one of those wireless bras, she said it's much better than her old wired ones

But she's full of shit cause i can't get the bloody thing to connect to the WiFi.

How do they make bras for octopi?

With suction cups.

Push up bras

A push-up bra is like a bag of chips. You open it up and its half empty.

(Better if read in a german accent) Know what germans call bras?

Stop'm From Floppens

My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras.

Her attorney calls it “failure to support”.

My girlfriend was picking a bra to buy when I said "Bras dont suit you, your too flat"

My girlfiend then said "Well, you wear briefs right?"

What’s the comfort support of choice for women’s bras?

Mammary Foam

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

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Jews and Chinese doing business

A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese buys 25 pairs.

He r...

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A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

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What religion is your bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, ...

panties

Captain James T Kirk of Star Trek fame has launched his own range of women’s underwear, the bras are selling well, but it appears that nobody wants to buy a brand of underwear named

“Shatner Panties”.

I got my wife a bra that said "You're the best" on it and now she's mad at me.

I don't understand it. She'd been saying that her bras weren't giving her enough support.

One sailor said to another, "Did you know that starfishes have mouths in the center of their bodies?"

"Yup," the other sailor nods, replying, "And mermaids use them as bras!"

GF: Why are you buying a puzzle when you don't have brain to play it?

BF: Do I complain when you purchase bras?

Victoria’s Secret is having a Janet Jackson themed sale for the Holidays

All bras are half off

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Women living in the Serengeti are known for their extremely large breasts.

The plains are full of Z-bras.

I had an after-hours video conference with 16 colleagues last week.

Everyone was drinking and having a good time sharing stories and unwinding. We played never have I ever. One of my female coworkers asked if people had ever gone out without a bra on. As a man, I thought for a moment and raised my glass with the rest of my female colleagues.

They laughed.
...

Undergarments aren't usually very understanding.

But bras are very supportive.

What do German women's lingerie and Africa have in common?

Ze-bras!

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Wedding night revelations

A very religious couple, who have saved themselves until marriage, rush to their hotel room after the wedding ceremonies.

Before they go in, the bride, embarassed, says:

*-My darling, I have a confession to make... I've been wearing padded bras this whole time, my boobs are so very sma...

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Husband gets home with a new set of wheels......

His wife ask him: why the fuck did you buy wheels? You dont even have a car...
Husband says: so what. I never say anything when you buy your bras.

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Love at first sight

A guy and woman were sitting in a bar, their eyes met from across the room and it was love at first sight. They stood up together and approached each other. After a few drinks the man said "I know this is crazy but lets get married". The woman responded with "It is crazy but i was thinking the exact...

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One day, a kid heard her parents arguing.

She heard them yelling out bitch and bastard a couple of times. The kid intervened and asked them what does bitches and bastards mean. The mom said those words mean ladies and gentlemen.
A week later, the kid was watching TV with her dad. Later, a Victoria's Secret commercial came on, uttering th...

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It's always the damn gardener

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdles." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.

Next morning...

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The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

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Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12

A French breast scientist advises against wearing bras after a thorough study, thus tying for the best job ever and the best news ever.

A GOP rep said not gays nor NAMBLA can redefine marriage. Thankfully, nine fabulous people in robes can. ‪#suckit‬ ‪#nohomo‬ ‪#somehomo‬ ‪#yeshomo‬

Ki...

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