I'm not thrilled my wife is into bondage

but my hands are tied

What do Boy Scouts and bondage fetishists have in common?

Knot a lot.

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Why psychologists don't like bondage sex?

-because they only like DSM

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My parents found bondage gear that i’ve been hiding in my room

I bought bondage gear from my local sex shop and hid it under my bed.


My parents were furious when they found out and I was yelled at and spanked.

So i started leaving it out in the open.

I told my friends I didn't want to try group bondage...

...but somehow they roped me into it.

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Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom

When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"

Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."

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i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

Why don't Italians do bondage?

Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs.

What do you call a disappointing bondage session?

BDSMH

Why do couples that are into bondage always get married?

Because they love to tie the knot.

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I'm working on a new adult film loosely based on "Two girls, one cup" but with a bondage theme...

It's called "I shit, you knot."

NSFW So you want to try Bondage huh?

Let me show you the ropes!

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What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?

Hen-tie

If you are into bestiality, necrophilia and bondage...

Does that mean you are beating a dead horse?

You know what they say about using networking cables for bondage.

It gets pretty kinky.

What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

What did the bondage rope say?

I'm knotty

I met a girl who was into leather and bondage.

She tied me up and stole my wallet.

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin,...

A couple months ago, my girlfriend and I started experimenting with bondage. I was quite into it, but I could see she wasn't having fun herself. But we kept at it and now I think she's really starting to enjoy it.

She was bound to like it eventually

Being Vegan is a lot like having a bondage fetish

If your girlfriend is into it, you basically also have to

I asked the owner of a bondage parlor if I can have a tour of the place...

...He said he was tied up at the moment. He had to show the new girl the ropes.

There was a spy that was into Bondage.

James, Bondage.

This year they had the bondage competition

It ended in a tie

Unemployment rates at bondage studios are high.

Most candidates are unwilling to learn the ropes.

Why does everyone enjoy having Helen Keller at bondage parties?

She can never say the safe word.

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What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage?

One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex.

My local bondage club was robbed last night...

we were all left bound and gagged.

We absolutely loved it.

My wife asked if we should try bondage.

I said, "We'd better knot."

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What's 007's favorite type of sex?

Bondage

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What kind of porn does agent 007 prefer?

Bondage, James Bondage

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The wife was mad after she found me watching bondage porn

I just told her thats knot porn

What do you call the marriage license for a couple whose main kink is bondage?

A restraining order!

Why do people who like bondage shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees tons of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.
The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "Oh my god! What should we do about this...

My grandpa isn't very computer savvy

So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning t...

What is it called when secret agents try BDSM?

James Bondage

This girl I like said she didn't like bondage.....

....Me either, but you're the one who said No.

My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.

A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.

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Kinky

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots of Jack Daniels. He downs them 1, 2, 3 and asks for three more. Stunned at this, a women sitting at the opposite end of the bar comments 'woah, slow down there tiger.' The man looks at her, feels the alcohol taking instant effect and finds her strikingl...

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Bondage sex can burn 200 calories an hour.

Oh boy, can it burn.

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My wife’s doctor prescribed her a new pill

It’s great, now we fuck every night, all sorts of positions, some she’d never tried before. Introduced toys and bondage, spanking and 3 ways….. and she hasn’t woken up once.

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Kinky Sex

A man was sitting at a singles bar when he was approached by a woman.

"Excuse me, but is this seat taken?" She asked him, motioning to the empty seat next to him.

"No, It isn't." He said. The woman sat down.

"Well, now that I'm sitting here, would you mind buying me a drink?"...

What’s Sean Connery’s kink?

Bondage

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.

The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."

The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"

The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette th...

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What did the sexual deviant hydrogen say to the oxygen?

Do you like bondage?

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The young women who couldn't pay her rent

There was once a young lady who couldn't afford to pay her rent and as a result started doing bondage porn to make ends meet. The filming was extremely demanding and she ended up dying from complications. Her family was quoted saying she would still be here if she hadn't been strapped for cash.

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Never gonna invite Jesus for another bondage party

Last time around, he forgot his safe word and we had to bury his sorry ass.

What's a British spy's secret fetish?

Bondage, James Bondage

One day Mom was cleaning junior's room

and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and sai...

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What do you call it when Daniel Craig has kinky sex?

Bondage!

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

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(x-post /r/meanjokes) So a man and woman are sitting next to each other at a bar...

The man and woman start talking and the man says "I'm very depressed, my wife just left me because I'm too kinky in bed."

The woman says, "well, funny that you should mention that, but I happen to be pretty kinky myself. I live just around the corner, would you like to go back to my place and...

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