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Balloons Jokes

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I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Given that the US has now shot down three balloons (or suspected balloons) this week....

Whoever is flying the Goodyear blimp at the Super Bowl tonight had better have balls of steel.

What kind of music do balloons really hate?

*POP* music

Why shoot down so many balloons?

It’s a fight against inflation.

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

Friends are like balloons.

If you stab them, they die.

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.

But cases continue to rise.

Two balloons are flying through a desert and one of them says

"Look out a cactusssssssssssssssss..."

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

The price of balloons is said to rise.

It's only logical with all the inflation.

Man, balloons sure are getting expensive…

…I guess that’s inflation for ya.

There was a family of 3 balloons - long

Mummy, daddy and baby balloon. The time had come that baby balloon had grown so big he no longer fit between his mum and dad in bed so they decided it was best he slept alone in his own bed from there on out.

Bedtime comes and off baby balloon goes to be tucked in, only to still be awake an ...

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
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Now both of them have condom balloons :D

I was having an argument about balloons the other day . . .

I may have blew things out of proportion.

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

There's a trick to eating hot air balloons.

They're really good when you get it down.

A mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon are watching TV...

When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.

As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom a...

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

3 balloons: Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon

Daddy balloon says to baby balloon:

"Look son, you are much to old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed."

Baby balloon protests: "I like sleeping with you and mommy."

"No, you are not sleeping with us and that is final!" says daddy balloon. ...

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

What was the balloons last words to his dad?

Watch me Pop!

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency?

They ended up with a massive inflation problem.

The shop I normally go to to blow up my balloons has increased their price by 50%

That's inflation for you.

Why has the cost of balloons risen in the past ten years?

Because of inflation!

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do balloons and virgins have in common?

One prick and its gone.

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when someone is paid to inflate balloons?

A blowjob

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

Oh johnny..

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. Johnny didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the sa...

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

A clown who's job is going to parties and make all kind of balloons..

Is that considered a blow-job?

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

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