A little boy asks his mom, “Why do women have balloons on their chest?”

His mom responds, “So when we die we can easily float up to heaven.”

“Then aunt sally must really want to go to heaven.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the other day she had her balloons out and daddy was blowing them up and she was saying ‘God, I’m coming.’”

Man, balloons sure are getting expensive…

…I guess that’s inflation for ya.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

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I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

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How do balloons reproduce?

Blowjobs.

Two balloons are floating in the desert. First one says to other:

"Watch out for cactusssssssssss..."

"Where it isssssssssssss..."

There's a trick to eating hot air balloons.

They're really good when you get it down.

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

Why has the cost of balloons risen in the past ten years?

Because of inflation!

I was at the dollar store and saw balloons labeled $1 a piece. I grabbed 3 and went to the cashier who told me the total was $5.28.

I guess that’s the price of inflation

Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency?

They ended up with a massive inflation problem.

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

What was the balloons last words to his dad?

Watch me Pop!

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

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What do you call it when someone is paid to inflate balloons?

A blowjob

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

Little Johnny is taking a shower

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father t...

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

A clown who's job is going to parties and make all kind of balloons..

Is that considered a blow-job?

The price of balloons have not gone up in over 50 years

Which is surprising considering inflation

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

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This one time I got my dick stuck in the hole of a DVD of a Pixar film about an old man who made his house fly with balloons

I guess it’s pretty apparent how badly I screwed Up

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

A balloon seller was selling his balloons.... His sign read DEFLATED BALLONS-$1.... INFLATED BALLOONS-$250

When asked why, he said he'd adjusted the pricing for Inflation.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

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What do balloons and virgins have in common?

One prick and its gone.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

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