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Bale Jokes

So we were driving down an old country road and we saw some bales.

I was surprised to see them so I waved at the bales and said, "hay bales!"

Police are investigating reports of a farmer in Kansas who has been systematically depositing his saliva on every bale in town, once every 24 hours.

The police have been slowly getting tired of the monotonous investigation that, so far, has still produced no results. As quoted in their report:

“Same spit, different hay.”

Did you hear that farmers are getting rid of circular hay bales?

Yeah, horses are sad that they’re not getting a square meal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer read in a paper that a single egg has as many nutrients as a whole bale of hay.

The farmer was very excited thinking how much money he could now save on feeding his horse, and quickly changed the horse's diet to one egg a day.

As days and weeks went by, the farmer noticed his horse getting thinner and thinner, weaker and weaker. After four weeks, when the horse could...

Christian Bale gained 40lbs for a role.

Big deal, I gained over 50lbs from multiple rolls.

How did Christian Bale get so skinny for "The Machinist"?

He's a methhead actor.

What do you call a bale of hay that sleeps around?

Jorge.

I'll show myself out.

What do you call batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale

Do you know those round hay bales you sometimes see in fields?

The government is trying to outlaw them. Apparently cows aren’t getting a square meal.

Did you hear they banned round hay bales in Kentucky?

Cows couldn't get a square meal.

(h/t my grandma who tells this joke like it is her job)

Did you guys hear they’re gonna start making round hay bales illegal?

Apparently it’s something about the cows needing 3 square meals a day

Good for Christian Bale, visiting the victims of the Aurora, Colorado massacre.

I heard some of them even got to meet Heath Ledger.

Hollywood is going to make a new movie about Moses parting the Red Sea starring Christian Bale.

He says it's only going to take him a year to fatten up to the size of the sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.


"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."


"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

I told someone I’d bundle up some hay with them

but I baled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bales her hay and the other hails her bae

My favorite Irish joke about The Olympics

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman wanted to see the Olympics, but they didn't have tickets. They went round back to see if they could sneak in, but there was a guard at the rear entrance which is also where the competing athletes entered. The Englishman looks around and sees a long pole on the g...

I was delivering a sermon to my congregation the other day.

After I mentioned a rude joke that compared The Dark Knight Rises to the torturous pits of Hell, I saw one man angrily stand up and storm out. I was in complete shock.


It was the first time I’d ever seen a Christian Bale.

Did you guys hear about the horse that only ate hay from a church?

Apparently it could only be a Christian Bale.

My kid comes up to me and asks...

Hey mom, if you're sentenced to prison in the court of God, would you need Christian Bale??

I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter

It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale

The shortest Dad Joke in the world.

Driving down a country road with your kids in the back seat, point at a stack of hay bales on some random farm and exclaim:

>#“Hey!”

Luckily the blade of grass got arrested in the summer

Because he's about to make bale!

A farmer friend of mine got jailed for excessive hay production

I had to bale him out

A girl wants movie stars faces tattooed on her thighs

So she goes to a tattoo parlor and spends hours having Christain Bale’ face tattooed on her left inner thigh and Leonardo DiCaprio’s face tattooed on her right inner thigh.

When it’s finished, she is extremely disappointed with the results, saying neither face is an accurate depiction of who...

Why is it so hard to keep a farmer in jail?

Because they always make bale!

A farmer’s career criminal son was supposed to be helping him with the chores but when he looked behind the barn, he was asleep on the hay.

He was out on bale.

I tried making plans with the farmer that hays my field....

But he always bales.

A pastor is walking down a path

When he spots a young boy, frantically lifting hay bales onto an upended cart. The boy is sweating profusely, and the pastor says to him: "Son, you are working very hard, very hard indeed. It is a hot day, perhaps you should take a rest?"

"Oh no, sir, my father would not like that. I must...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Army major is assigned to a troubled base

After numerous reports of lax discipline and unruly behavior at a particular Army post, a major is assigned to take charge and straighten the place out.

He arrives and indeed, the place is a mess - nobody's shaved, beer bottles everywhere, grubby uniforms, unpolished boots. Outraged, the majo...

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice, secured i...

Did you hear about the hay that got arrested for stealing a box of Wheaties?

Cops said it was the last straw, but let him out on bale.

Happy National Tell A Joke Day!!!

Sometime in the middle ages, a duke sought to overthrow an earl who was his rival

So he sent a group of his soldiers to sack the earl's castle. As word of the soldiers coming spread through the town outside the castle, most people ran or hid. But as the soldiers passed through the market square, they heard a voice calling "wool for cheap, wool for cheap".

The captain of...

How do you get hay out of prison?

You pay its bale.

Jesus Christ was once Arrested.

But he was released on Christian Bale.

Why is hay so unreliable?

It keeps baleing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are standing on a roof.

A man who claims to be a magician approaches the three.
"If you jump off this roof, whatever you yell on your way down is what you shall land in," the magician tells them.
The Englishman, obviously the bravest of the three, volunteers to go first. He jumps off the roof, and on his way down yel...

What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a really unfriendly Christian outside the church the other day.

Told me to call him Mr Bale and shut the fuck up during filming.

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