Why do they put bells on cows?

Because their horns don't work!

(Credit to this old man that just told it to me.)

I asked my mom if she ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?

She said that rings a bell

What's Taco Bell's secret sauce recipe?

No idea, they keep it under wraps.

I'll show myself out.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.

and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first priest candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final. As she danced, his ...

Insolence! Tonight my neighbor actually rang my bell at 4 o'clock in the morning!

I almost dropped the drilling machine.

Once a drunk husband arrived late at his home, He rang the bell..

Wife : where have you been till this late, I am not going to open the door. Sleep outside on the road tonight.

There was a well beside their house.

Husband : I'll Jump into well If you don't open the door.

Wife : Do whatever you have to do, I won't open the door tonight.
...

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force pl...

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no feet so I won’t run away."

"What makes you think you're great ...

Why does the cow wear a bell?

Because the horn isn't working.

What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?

You're a Blizzard fairy!

Bell curves mean one thing to statisticians

And something completely different to Gaston

My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”

Did you know that Taco Bell names an item after the sound that you make after you eat it?

No, there isn’t a “mmmm”. It’s the chalupa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before being ordained, 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks.

Anyone whose bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved pussy danced before each one. First priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached the last priest, Ralph. Poor Ralph. While she danced he got a stiffy & his bell ran...

Did you hear about the guy who made the knock knock jokes?

He won the no bell prize

Workers from a small russian community recently gathered together to fix one of the bells in an old historical bell tower.

Because in soviet russia, bell saved by you!

Why didn't the scientist install a door bell at his home?

Because he wanted a Nobel prize.

Whoever invented the knock knock jokes

Should get a Nobell prize.

There was a church that had a bell that no one could ring.

One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. He went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The priest gave him the job.
One Sunday, the boy ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed, so he fell off the tower and died....

Where can you get gas for a $1.49?

Taco Bell.

A boy wants to ring a giant bell...

As a boy is walking down the street, he spots a bell tower. Seeing the bell, he makes his way to the very top of the tower. When he gets to the top, he finds a priest, just standing there.

The boy asked the priest "Is it okay if I ring the bell, Father?"

The priest replied "By all mea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Quasimodo is fed up of being the bell ringer of Notre Dame and wants to quit...

He puts an ad out in the newspaper,

"NEW BELL RINGER NEEDED FOR NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL, TRIALS THIS SUNDAY AT THE BELL TOWER".

Sunday comes around and Quasimodo is waiting patiently at the base of his tower. No one has turned up and he's losing faith that anyone will before the Sunday s...

Notre Dame joke: A priest advertises a job to ring the bell at Notre Dame and the only applicant is a hunchback with no arms...

The priest asks "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" Hunchback: "I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower to where the bell is." So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. The priest says "Ok, what's your plan?"

The hunchback runs and jumps at the b...

Did you know Tinker Bell got a fat older brother?

His name is Taco Bell.

Parody of “Jinga Bells”

Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis
Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!
The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,
I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!
9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh!<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever use Taco Bell hot sauce as anal lube?

I hear that shit's fire.

After Quasimodo died, Notre Dame Cathedral needed a replacement bell ringer, and after several fruitless months a strange little man approaches one of the priests...

"I'd like the bell ringer job if it's still available." says the man. Confused, the priest says "Of course, but I'm afraid there might be some confusion. I can't help but notice that you don't have any arms, so ringing the bells would be quite impossible." The little man smiles and says "I come from...

The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late

Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kev...

A church puts an ad in the newspaper for a person to ring the bell in the belfry on Sunday mornings.

No one applies for the position except for a young man with no arms.

The church administrator isn’t sure he can handle the job, but the man climbs the tower and rings the bell using just his head. On his first Sunday on the job, the man gets a little too excited and hits the bell a little to...

People complain that Taco Bell isn’t authentic.

But it gets the job done for half the price of other restaurants and nothing is more Mexican than that.

Why wasn't Taco Bell featured at the White House's fast food feast?

Because Trump would have expected them to pay for the whole meal.

I asked a librarian if she had a book about pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat...

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not

The armless bell-ringer

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observi...

So this hot babe goes to a fancy dress party stark naked and rings the bell.

———————————————————
———————————————————
———————————————————
———————————————————
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The host opens the door and sees her standing there brazenly, tapping her forefinger on her chin.
Host: “ What are you?”
Hot babe: “A self-tapping screw!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunchback man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

Bartender says "bells alright?"

The man replies "don't you fucking start"

The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the boy.

A local priest was walking down the street of his small town. He was happily humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house.

“Hey there, kid” said the priest with a kind smile, “let me help you out.” The priest reached out and pressed the bell for the b...

A local church is holding auditions for a new bell ringer.

A line of applicants soon forms and the Reverend decides to test how well each can do the job.


After several people give it a go, one simple looking man caught the Reverend's attention by slamming his face into the church bell to make it sound.


"My friend that was impressive"...

What do you give a country that hasn't rang it's bell for war in 100 years?

A no bell peace prize.

Grand cathedral needs new bell ringer

A man with no arms comes into the priest's office and says he'd like the job of ringing the bell.
The priest replies "But how can you pull the rope to ring the bell without arms?"
The man says "Not a problem, just watch this" and proceeds to run full speed head first into the bell, making it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lady jumps out of the shower and door bell rings...

\- "Who is it?" she yells, trying to find her robe.

\- "It's the blind man"

The lady goes to the door topless and opens it.

\- "Nice tits lady! Now, where do you want your blinds installed?"

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

So there was once a man that rang Big Ben before there was an electric bell

One day unfortunately the man died after many years of doing his job. Naturally they had to find a replacement.

So after a few interviews a man with no arms comes up and requests the job, the interviewers are confused but he asks to demonstrate.

The man walks right to the edge of the t...

(long) A man with no arms is looking for a job...

... and the only listing he can find is a position ringing the bell every Sunday at a local church. He inquires about the job with the priest in charge of the church, and the priest immediately expresses skepticism that this man can do the job without arms.

"Father, has my absolute word that ...

A priest is hiring...

A priest is looking to hire someone to ring the bell tower before services. He is approached by a man with no arms.

"I'm here to apply for the bell job," he says.
"I don't mean to offend you, but how can you ring the bell with no arms?" replied the priest.
"Just take me to the top...

A gorilla came to my house and rang the bell

*King kong!*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So apparently shops are now selling tampons with bells on.

Must be just be for the Christmas period.

A no-armed man is looking for a job...

... so he goes to the local church. He tells the priest he will ring the church's bell every hour, on the hour.
The priest is dubious, and asks how the man is going to do that with no arms. The man says not to worry, he'll handle that. "I'll do it for free the first week, so you can see I can h...

The secret to Pavlov's hair?

Just a classical conditioner.

(I hope the name rings a bell)

What did Bishop Charles Ellis grab at Taco Bell?

an Ariana Grande.

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell.

Well actually he said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is like a bell shaped curve

It's in the middle.

JAMAICAN FIREMAN BELLS

A Jamaican fireman came home from work, one day and said to his wife,
"Y'know sumptin womon, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station.

Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.
...

What did the EMT say to the choking guy at Taco Bell?

Live más.

A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

We all remember Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone...

But no one ever remembers Alexander Graham Kowalczyk, the first telephone pole.

I walked past the church and I clearly heard two bell-ringers arguing

They were having a right old ding-dong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pavlov is sitting in a bar when suddenly someone rings the service bell

"Shit!" Pavlov screams jumping up, "I forgot to feed the dogs"

A man was hired to ring a church bell...

...but he wasn't very good at it. Every time he rung the bell it came back and smacked him in the face. He kept trying to duck under the bell but it kept hitting him.

Eventually, at the end of his shift he rang the bell one last time. Again, the bell hit him in his aching face, but this time ...

a guy thing..

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I
was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course, I che...

A guy with no arms walks into a church

and goes up to a priest. He says "Im here about the bell ringing job you have advertised?" The priest looks a little puzzled but says sure, lets go up the tower and you can give it a go. They get to the top and the priest says "okay show me how you do it?" The man takes a few steps back and runs hea...

Is your name jingle bells?

Because you look like you go all the way

A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:
"Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?"
The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:
"You see that bell up in the tower? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Morris dancers wear bells?

So they can piss off the blind as well....

Hillary Clinton goes t o a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says
And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul and two other men want to be nuns, but to prove they really all have no sexual desires, they are put in a room naked and bells are placed on the end of their penises...

The most beautiful girl is then brought into the room, completely naked and the test begins.

This goes on for 10 minutes with no reaction from Paul but then the girl comes very close and Paul’s bell rings,

Completely embarrassed Paul bends over to pull up his pants as he is doing that ...

As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game.

To help us get more runs than our opponent.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper...

A priest lived behind his chapel

...and one morning, he heard a knock on his door. The priest opens the door and finds an armless man standing there.

"How can I help you, son?" Asks the priest.

"Well sir," said the fellow, "The name's Sam, and I'm down out of luck. It's hard to get by as an armless man, and I need to ...

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