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Obi Jokes

Obi Wan: “Yoda, why did the Star Wars movies come out 4,5,6,1,2,3

Yoda: “In charge of scheduling I was”

If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the D...

How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents…

What does Obi-Wan Kenobi call he's weed farm?

The high ground

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship

Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

What's the name of Obi Wan Kenobi's younger brother?

Obi Two Kenobi.

Obi-wan and Luke are getting hungry...

...so before they hit the cantina they stop off at the best Chinese restaurant in Mos Eisly.

And poor Luke, he just can NOT figure out the chopsticks. He's getting more food on him than into his mouth, and really embarrassing Obi-wan.

So Obi-wan says to him, "Use the Forks, Luke."

What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke as his marriage was going downhill?

Use divorce, Luke

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's favourite song?

Higher ground by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Din Djarin and Obi Wan were making cheese...

Din Djarin poured in some rennet, and when the milk coagulated, he separated and removed the curd from the large vat.

Obi Wan, unfamiliar with the process, pointed to the bottom of the vat and asked what was it that remained?

The Mandalorian said..."This is the whey..."

Sorry.

Disney isn’t making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Because there Kenobi-Wan.

What is Obi Wan Kenobi’s least favourite drink?

Absolute Vodka!

What car does Obi-Wan drive?

A Highlander

If obi wan kenobi ever made a drug den he would call it..

The High Ground

I didn’t like Obi-Wan’s Jedi master...

But I’ve decided to let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons.

What did Obi-wan say to Luke, when he saw him struggling with the chopsticks?

>!"Use the fork, Luke."!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Obi-wan Cohen

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
After a year, only three applied for the job: A Japanese, A Chinese, and A Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box ...

Obi-Wan cuts off so many limbs

he cuts off Darth Maul's legs

he cuts off Savage Opress' arm

he cuts off Grivous' hands

he cuts off many of Anakin's limbs

and so many random people in bars have lost their limbs to Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan is a menace.

Considering that he is now dead and exis...

Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf?

He likes the high grounds.

How many obi's does it take to kenobi?

Only wan.

Why was Obi Wan Kenobi fired from his job as a marriage guidance counsellor?

He kept telling people to "use divorce"

Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Stormtrooper: They R2!

What was Obi-Wan Kenobi's favorite place to hang out?

The Maul.

Why didn’t Obi Wan share any Budweisers with Anakin?

Because Anakin didn’t spare any Yuenglings

Why is Obi-wan Kenobi a terrible marriage counselor?

The only advice he gives is “Use di-
vorce”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why won’t Obi-Wan mix you a vodka cocktail?

Only a Sith deals in Absoluts.

Obi Wan Kenobi decides he wants a change of pace so decides to put his skills into becoming a marriage councillor.

One day a familiar face pops in, Luke Skywalker. Luke sits down an immediately bursts into tears as his new wife is absolutely awful. For three hours Luke talks, almost non stop, about all the horrible things she does to him - putting green milk in his cereal, signing him up to the Jar-Jar fanclub, ...

Obi-Wan captured a Sith and bring him to Yoda.

Obi-Wan: Should I kill the Sith or let him go?

Yoda: Kill him...

\*Obi-Wan executes the Sith.\*

Yoda: ...you must not.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side?

(shrugs)

"Well, Sith happens"

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the body builder in his pharmacy?

These are not the ‘roids you are looking for.

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant.

Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.

Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

What does Obi-Wan think about Padme and Anakin's relationship?

Di-vorce is strong with these two

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant.

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead, all three pregnant, are in the waiting room of their OBI-GYN . . .

and they are chatting about what motherhood is going to be like. The talk drifts to whether they think their respective babies will be boys or girls. "Well," said the redhead, "I wouldn't be surprised if I had a boy, since whenever my partner and I have sex, he's always on top and I heard that mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

When Obi-Wan retired, he bought an island, he got married, he built a house, and most importantly, he started growing cannabis.

He now had a high ground.

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

The next generation

Obi-Wan Kenobi, while hiding on the deserts of Tatooine, happened to meet a charming lady in Mos Eisley. One thing let to another, and soon they were expecting a baby.

As the baby boy was born, the midwife asked Obi-Wan what would be the name of his son.

"Obi-Two Kenobi, naturally"

Han, Luke, Obi Wan and Chewie begin there journey to the Death Star aboard the Falcon...

... immediately Chewbacca begins to emit a low, growling whisper - clearly trying to indicate something to his shipmates

Obi Wan: I can't hear a word he's saying
Luke: Yeah, Han, can't you tell your friend to speak up a bit?

Han: Sorry guys.. thats just how the Wookie mumbles

What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader?

(snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ...

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to his wife when she cheated on him?

"May divorce be with you."

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastical...

Did you hear Disney is making Austin Powers into a Jedi?

It's called Obi-have

Joke For Darth

What is the difference between the first fight between Vader and Kenobi and the second?

Obi-wan then Obi lost.

What do you call a Jedi ninja?

Obi-Wan Shinobi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

It's my cakeday, so figured I'd tell this joke (game grumps told this joke)

What is a Jedi's Favourite Italian dessert...

OBI WAN CANOLI

For the Star Wars Lovers

Obi-Wan: Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9?

Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.

Why was Luke under the Christmas tree?

He wanted to feel Obi Wan's presents.

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best?

Obi-Wan Spumoni

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi...

How many Jedi does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obi-wan

My wife says she's leaving me because of my 'Obsession with Star Wars'

I said 'Please don't go, honey. You're the Obi-Wan for me..............'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Anakin see when he walked in on his master unannounced?

Obi wankin' Obi

Order 66 forced many Jedi to find new jobs in hiding.

I hear one working the streets is Obi-Wan Can-blow-me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which Star Wars character would always sneak off set for a cheeky masturbating session?

Obi Wan Kernobi.

Jedi Master finally named after being found dead from radiation poisoning in Ukraine

Obi Wan Chernobi

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

Why didn't Luke Skywalker's marriages ever last?

He wanted to follow Obi-Wan's advice: "Use divorce, Luke"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?

Obi Juan Shinobi

Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go to a Chinese restaurant for dinner...

.... Luke scans the menu and sees his favorite egg fried rice so he say to R2-D2 “Oh I’m definitely ordering that!” Sure enough when the waiter comes along he orders the egg fried rice and a few other side dishes.

Now Luke is absolutely starving, so as soon as his meal arrives he picks up the...

Did you hear about Disney's new Star Wars/ Highlander crossover?

The tag line is "There can be Obi-Wan."

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