A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

I went bald early in life but I kept my comb

I just can’t part with it

I understand that the dove is the "bird of peace" and the bald eagle is "strength and freedom", but I honestly can't get "true love"

The swallow :(

A comb is the best present a bald man can receive

He’ll never part with it.

Did you hear about the man who accused the devil of going bald?

Fair to say, there was hell toupee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bald Train

Upon his death, a very rich man bequeathed his wealth to the building of a luxury train service only for bald men. The man himself was bald and even with all his wealth, he felt something was missing in his life and thus wanted to do one nice thing for his follicly challenged fellows.


Why do bald guys have holes in their pockets?

To run their fingers through their hair.

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.


Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig

I like to play chess with old bald men in the park

But it’s kind of hard to find 32 of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old one, but I've never seen it on this sub...

A man is brought before an American court on charges that he killed and ate a bald eagle. "This is a serious crime," says the judge. "What do you have to say in your defense?"

"Your honor, please!" the man begs, "Have some mercy on me. I was trapped in the wilderness for days. I s...

Why are so many thieves bald?

They dread locks.

When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer."


"Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"

What do you call lice on a bald guy?


Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

A long wait was forming for a bald barber.

The barber seemed to be taking an unnecassary amount of time with each client. It didn't help that even more customers were coming in.

One person got fed up with the wait and demanded to know why things were taking so long.

The barber replied with, "why would i hurry up, this is the b...

I first noticed I was going bald

When it took longer and longer to wash my face.

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

What did the owner of the Italian restaurant say to the bald man that was trying to dine-and-dash?

You need a toupee!

What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?...


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bald Guy

So my friend says to me, "Damn your head feels just like my g/f's butt" I'm like "Yes, it does doesn't it?"

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...

Is that people think you're just tall.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies “ I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.”

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let’s him off the case. But being curious, the judg...

If I ever start to go bald

I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bald man with a frog on his head walks in to a doctor

Before the doc manages to ask, the frog squeaks:
"Something got stuck to my arse."

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.

He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."

The judge listens to t...

Mommy, why is daddy bald?

"Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"

The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked

"is that why you have a lot of hair?"

Three triplets in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."

The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."

The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"

He replies, "So I ...

I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas.

She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. ...

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?"...

Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?

Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like stroking their hair...

I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...

But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.

Why don't bald people use keys?

Because they don't have any locks

My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.

I'm not bothered though, it's hair loss.

Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died?

Turns out he didn't have any heirs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An ugly, fat, bald woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.

The man at the reception says cheerfully to her:

"Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?"

The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say,

"Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?"


Bald people struggle with improv,

They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when two bald men put their heads together?

They make an ass of themselves

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

I wouldn't say I was going bald, but....

When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"

What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?

A gap in coverage.

Yo mamma so bald...

you can see what is on her mind.

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bald man goes to the doctor

A bald man goes to the doctor and says,"Doc, is there anything you can do to help me get my hair back?" The doctor says,"Here, take this jar of pussy juice and rub some on your head every night for a month." The man has tried everything so far so he figures he will give it a try. One month later he ...

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.

Endangered meal

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers ha...

Being bald

It means you went back to your roots.

Three babies were in the womb talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.

The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."

The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor." ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

A young banker goes to jail for the first time for fraud... NSFW

He is immediately confronted by a large tattooed inmate as he enters the yard, who grabs him and says, “You wait til shower time, sweetheart. You’re going to get it good from me.”
The banker is trembling; his hands shake when he’s called out of his cell to lunch, knowing that after eating they’re...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this golfer goes to confession and tells the priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest says, "Tell me your transgressions, my son."

"Well," the guy says, "I was on the 5th hole last week and I hate to say it but I cursed."

"What happened, my son?" the priest asks.

"So I teed it up and I hit the ball about 40 yards past the hole..."

"And you swore...

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge, when suddenly a bald old woman appears.

"I am the witch who guards this bridge. Ye may only pass if you present to me a challenge which I cannot do."

The Englishman steps up first:

"I was the best footballer in my h...

Why are all celebrities with skin head so successful?

Because fortune favors the bald

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Beauty is just a matter of timing: In 1970s America I would’ve been ridiculed for having a hairless chest. In ancient Greece I would’ve been laughed at for having a big penis.

Still waiting for that bald future all those fucking sci-fi movies promised me.