Bald Joke

An old friend went bald years ago, but still carries a comb with him.

He just can't part with it.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks I’ll never part with it!

After years of being bald, the idea of hair doesn't sound too bad.

It's starting to grow on me.

I knew I was going bald I knew I was going bald...

Well it took longer and longer to wash my face.

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

because he forgot toupee

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.


Did you hear about the man who accused the devil of going bald?

Fair to say, there was hell toupee

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

Why do I keep seeing pictures of bald kids in children’s hospitals?

Like honestly it’s not *that* hard to wash your hair

Why do bald guys have holes in their pockets?

To run their fingers through their hair.

What do you call lice on a bald guy?


I like to play chess with old bald men in the park

But it’s kind of hard to find 32 of them.

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bald Train

Upon his death, a very rich man bequeathed his wealth to the building of a luxury train service only for bald men. The man himself was bald and even with all his wealth, he felt something was missing in his life and thus wanted to do one nice thing for his follicly challenged fellows.


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old one, but I've never seen it on this sub...

A man is brought before an American court on charges that he killed and ate a bald eagle. "This is a serious crime," says the judge. "What do you have to say in your defense?"

"Your honor, please!" the man begs, "Have some mercy on me. I was trapped in the wilderness for days. I s...

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

What did the owner of the Italian restaurant say to the bald man that was trying to dine-and-dash?

You need a toupee!

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

Why are so many thieves bald?

They dread locks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies “ I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.”

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let’s him off the case. But being curious, the judg...

What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?...


Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares.

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...

Is that people think you're just tall.

A long wait was forming for a bald barber.

The barber seemed to be taking an unnecassary amount of time with each client. It didn't help that even more customers were coming in.

One person got fed up with the wait and demanded to know why things were taking so long.

The barber replied with, "why would i hurry up, this is the b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bald Guy

So my friend says to me, "Damn your head feels just like my g/f's butt" I'm like "Yes, it does doesn't it?"

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A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle...

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll...

If I ever start to go bald

I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bald man with a frog on his head walks in to a doctor

Before the doc manages to ask, the frog squeaks:
"Something got stuck to my arse."

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.

He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."

The judge listens to t...

Mommy, why is daddy bald?

"Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"

The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked

"is that why you have a lot of hair?"

Three triplets in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."

The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."

The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"

He replies, "So I ...

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. ...

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.

"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.

"Oh this?"...

My friend is so bald... can see what he's thinking.

I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas.

She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.

I'm not bothered though, it's hair loss.

I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...

But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.

I wouldn't say I was going bald, but....

When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, "which one?"

Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died?

Turns out he didn't have any heirs.

Why don't bald people use keys?

Because they don't have any locks

Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?

Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like stroking their hair...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An ugly, fat, bald woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.

The man at the reception says cheerfully to her:

"Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?"

The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say,

"Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?"


Bald people struggle with improv,

They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What happens when two bald men put their heads together?

They make an ass of themselves

What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?

A gap in coverage.

A barber, a bald man, and a professor are on the road... [JOKE FROM ANCIENT ROME]

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, ...

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

Yo mamma so bald...

you can see what is on her mind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bald man goes to the doctor

A bald man goes to the doctor and says,"Doc, is there anything you can do to help me get my hair back?" The doctor says,"Here, take this jar of pussy juice and rub some on your head every night for a month." The man has tried everything so far so he figures he will give it a try. One month later he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Oldest man on Earth

A journalist wanting to make his debut, searched far and wide for the oldest man on the planet thinking that his stories will amaze the world.

After months of traveling from large cities to temples he finally finds out that the oldest man on Earth is 150 years old and lives in a small mounta...

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.

Endangered meal

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers ha...

Being bald

It means you went back to your roots.

A man needs reassurance from his wife.

“Honey, when I look in the mirror, I only see a bald, fat shell of my former self.”
“Well, at least your eyesight is perfect!”